I Still Miss Republicans

A flurry of links made me backtrack -- and I have discovered my old-days conservative blogging pal John Cole has basically said he just can't swing with the Republicans anymore, and name-checked the article over which we became acquainted -- I Miss Republicans. I look back at that article where I say "I don't like to get overtly political here..." and laugh and laugh.

But that's what the last two years have gotten us. Cole is no less a conservative than he ever was -- but he's a principled conservative, and that's what doomed him. He called bullshit on torture and smear campaigns and mismanagement of Iraq because they were wrong and he refused to drink the kool-aid just to get along/go along. That doesn't mean he's suddenly universal health-care boy.

And hell, I am in no way shape or form more liberal than I was two years ago. But the things that made me go "huh, that's weird" two years ago have now escalated to the point where I am genuinely convinced this country is being run by actual crazy people. To be blunt, a country where John Cole and I find ourselves on the same side of the "What the Fuck?" line has gone seriously, seriously off the rails.

I don't call myself a Democrat -- I know this will anger some of my more politically-minded friends, but I don't self-identify around political parties. To me that's about as relevant as calling myself a Whig. I have my little checklist of political beliefs, and whatever candidate most matches them, I vote for them. It's just the crazy time that we live in where my checklist item #1 -- "Basic competence and decent grip on reality" has been completely abandoned by one party's rulers.

In the same way that right now, if you're a progressive you currently vote Democrat, as a conservative you suddenly find yourself without a party. Because whatever the hell Bush and company are doing in Washington, that ain't Republicans.

Listen, we've all had the questionable hook-up. We get it. Bush didn't seem at all crazy when you met him at the club. And sure you dabbled in faith-based stuff, and maybe his foreign policy was a little naive, but come on -- sexy, sexy tax cuts.

But then things got out of control, and kinkier and kinkier and next thing you know you're in a war with no occupation planning and no exit strategy and being told that's okay and back off; and people are being tortured, and then not allowed to talk to their lawyers because they might reveal the secrets of their torture; and the one dude who had oversight on the corruption in the war is fired in secret; and you have record deficits and record spending and Congress meeting over Terry Schiavo and warrantless wiretaps and faith-based anti-science and the end of separation of Church and State and troop families in food banks and the most venal Congress in history and Abramoff and K Street and Young Republican college students in charge of Iraqui reconstruction and fucking HORSE LAWYERS IN CHARGE OF FEMA and bing bang boom you got a whole American city, just lying there dead, no explanations, no excuses, just stunned at how the hell you got here. Exactly like our questionable hook-ups, just substitute "waitress in Provost" for "New Orleans" and "all that vodka and blow" for "Hurricane Katrina" --

But let's not get distracted. Point is -- questionable hook-ups. We, as ordinary citizens, all know how we get out of this: you stop returning the crazy person's calls. We promise never to bring it up when drinking. Several years from now, when everything's scabbed over the two of us can joke about our mutual lapses in judgement while sharing a fine Rolling Rock beverage.

Don't return their calls on Tuesday. It'll suck for a while, and they may bomb Iran to get your attention, and you'll get lots of screaming and crying about how they're the only ones who love you and can protect you from Osama and the gays, but you dig in, man up, come over and watch a few baseball games,and ride it out. You'll probably have to hang tough through 2008, when they have that fake rehab "No baby, I'm okay now, come with me to group" bullshit going on. Don't fall for it. Cra. zy.

Then one day -- one day soon, I promise -- you find you've gone and gotten your party back from the crazy people, and you and I can go back to arguing about minimum wage and universal health care and tax rates on millionaires like civilized countries do.

November Index-Fu

There is a new magazine called Geek Monthly. It is a good thing. They're nice enough to do a shout out to the KFM, so we'll do another index page for the new folk.

Conversations with Tyrone (yep, we now get requests):

# 5643: Ju-On, Red State Version
#36679: In Which Bo & Luke Duke Kick a New York Jewish Election Worker to Death
#36679 cont'd: Sophie Mae's Choice
#436: I Love Lucy -- Issue Zero! The Origin Issue!
Lunch Discussions #145: The Crazification Factor (Koufax Finalist)
Lunch Discussions #213: Canaries and Meth
Lunch Discussions #349: And Sometimes The're Non-Starters
Lunch Discussions #463: The T-Shirt Sales Alone
Lunch Discussions #115: Better than Milk and Cookies
Lunch Discussions #450: "I Know How to Treat a PetroPower, Baby..."

Comics and Movie Geekery:

How to Save the Movie Theater Industry
America at 24fps
Blue Beetle Q&A #1
Blue Beetle Q&A #2
Fandamentalism
The famous "Geek Hierarchy" Chart
Moral Advantage: Gamer
Comics: Year of the Bummer
Comics: Womb Crazy!
Wold Newton Universe
Zombie News/ ZOMBIE TALES
Comics: Sweet Four-Color Vengeance
SPOILERS -- the Interview with God
Zombie Tales #1 - Everybody Digs Zombies!

New Media Writing (Rage against the Studio Machines, Baby):

4th Generation Media
Video Ipod: 4GM Baby Steps
Where Anime Gets it Right
4GM: Perception Wars

Writing:

Writing Life
Writing: Beginning
Writing: Whose Viewpoint?
Eternity Has Residuals
Writing: Adaptation (Pt.1)
Writing: Adaptation (Pt. 2)
Writing: Adaptation (Pt. 3)
TV: Corner Gas
Writing: Adaptation (Pt.4)
Writing: Software
Writing: Adaptation (Pt. 5)
Writing: Plot and Story
Writing: How Small a World?
Writing: Q&A #1
Writing: Q&A #1 Followup
Writing: You Don't Need Pg. 11
Writing: Agents & Managers
Writing: The Pitch
Writing: The Pilot Pitch - Background
Writing: The Pilot Pitch - Prep
Writing: The Pilot Pitch - The Room
Writing: Screenwriting The Sequence Approach - Book Review
Writing: Action Sequences
Writing: Characters and Race
Writing: The Freelance Episode #1
Writing: The Freelance Episode #2
Writing: The Freelance Episode #3
Writing: Crafty TV - Book Review

Our attempt at screenwriting academia:
TV Jargon Preservation (Pt.1)
TV Jargon Preservation (Pt. 2)
TV Jargon Preservation (Pt. 3)
TV Jargon Preservation (Pt. 4)

Global Frequency

It's a "Global" Frequency Now
Miranda is ... annoyed
One Last GF Question
GF wow
GF Reviews and E-mails
GF Update #1

The True Geek Conversations(tm)

#3892: Batman vs. Punisher
#651: Catwoman Edition
# 5643: Ju-On, Red State Version
#36679: In Which Bo & Luke Duke Kick a New York Jewish Election Worker to Death
#36679 cont'd: Sophie Mae's Choice
#436: I Love Lucy -- Issue Zero! The Origin Issue!

Politics:

The Latest Rants:

"Wait, Aren't You Scared?"
Bar Talk: A Bartending Story
Lions led by Donkeys (the most viewed post here, I believe)

Flunking Out of the Electoral College
Electoral College #2: I Hate That Goddam Map
Electoral College #3

FISA in One Syllable Words
Colbert Commentary: Why Tell the Jokes?
Pull-Out in 2007
Defense Against Celebrity Marriage Amendment
Lunch Discussions #145: The Crazification Factor
One Angry Feingold
Rule of Law? Over There, Behind My Socks
Al-Quaker
The George Who Cried Wolf
Oversight
New Year's Resolution
The Half-Assed President
This is Technically Child Abuse
Dissent

The "Liberal Hollywood, Not Quite" Series:

I WISH Hollywood Was That Organized
Just. Stay. Down.
Path to 9/11


The Rest:

Who's Your Daddy, Broward County?
I Miss Republicans (nominated for a Koufax, spiffy!)
Spongiform Sexuality
Win Kamchatka, Win the World
Oh. Oh, Canada.
Gay Marriage
Activist Judges
Will of the People - (the inter-racial marriage/gay marriage polling stats)
I will Punch Florida in the Goddam Neck
SPOILERS! -- the Interview with God
Swearingen for Senate
You Can Know Jesus ...
Learn to Say Ain't
Senate Quicksand
Learn to Say Ain't - Feedback & Criticism
That Ironic Smell
"Toxic Spiritual Nature" ...
The Groom Grinds a 360!
The President and Intelligent Design
Hybrids and Hypotheses
Iraq and Roll
Booming Babies Still Want Bidey
57% of Americans are Traitors
I'm All Out of Reasonable
'ellllooooo Clinton!
Somehow We Have Grown Too Small for our Britches
Commander in Chief
"You are on the Global Photoshop"
Bernard McGuirk is a BIG MAN

Fundraising

Army Emergency Fund - Total
Katrina Relief - Total
Pakistan earthquake Relief - Total
Fisher House - Total

The semi-famous LOST: You Uncurious Motherf*ckers

... and, just because it was always my favorite:

Top 10 John Wayne Titles That Could Also Be Porn Titles.

Thanks for visiting. And leave with the assurance that anything you find interesting or amusing -- that was an accident.

Blue Beetle #8

Out on Nov. 1. After the very enthusiastic reception #7 received, I hope we get a few converts with this and the trade coming out in December.

Preview here.

Writing: Crafty TV Writing - Book Review

(Full disclosure -- I am quoted from interview several times in this book, and there excerpts from articles on this blog included. Alex and I have never worked together, and I have no financial share in the book)

Crafty TV Writing: Thinking Inside the Box is Alex Epstein's follow up to his Crafty Screenwriting. His books are somewhat different, as he takes the "craft" in his title seriously. Where most screenwriting books focus on script structure or story theory, Epstein covers that and much more -- dealing with development execs, writer's block, specific tools a writer might use in specific situations, the problems they might expect during the actual write/rewrite process as she is practiced in the wild. Hence "craft" as opposed to "art".

In Crafty TV, he tackles no less than the standard structure of modern television shows; elementary screenwriting tools; the episodic development cycle from pitch through beat sheet through draft; getting an agent; useful freelancing techniques; writing-room politics and even showrunning. If you're thinking that's a helluva tall order for one book, you're not entirely wrong. There are chunks of this book which handwave certain subjects. However, these are usually the "writing technique" chapters, and there's no shortage of those on the shelves. Epstein can be forgiven for spending twenty pages on elementary sitcom writing when there are five books just about sitcom writing sitting on the store shelf next to his work.

No, the best value from this book lay in two areas.

First, his exhortations on research and analysis when attacking TV writing. Screenwriting takes a lot of gut, sure, but gut without craft is sloppy and worseunsellable. The biggest problem I see in most younger writers is a lack of preparation for the sheer grindwork necessary to make a good television script. How finely tuned even the most obvious sitcom can be when you tear the cover off. I've pushed a chunk of the research techniques he offers freelancers in here, and he digs out some new tricks on top of those. In screenwriting school, one may learn how to write television scripts -- how to spec television is an entirely different process.

I can testify, as the guy who's hired writers, what pulls a spec out of the stack is that it just read "right." That not only is the writer a fine writer, but they understand the process necessary in breaking down episodic TV and replicating it. Oh, sure, I've pulled the occasional fun script from the slush pile on sheer strength of style alone. But at that moment you are, as a writer, competing for a job with the writer who is both good and will save me time because I can drop them into the process on the fly. You are handicapped. This book will aid you in losing that limp.

Does this sound a little ... mercantile? Well, sure. But the one thing young writers never lack is passion. You don't need passion infusions from screenwriting books. You need to know how to beat that passion into four-act blocks. While Crafty Screenwriting explores more distinct writerly tools, Crafty TV helps you both understand the peculiar episodic process and the value of the process. Epstein may hammer you on the need for rewriting until you want to scream, but our guilty secret is that almost all of us need to be hectored about rewriting. Do you need to break out a beat sheet for your spec? After all, nobody's going to see it. But Epstein, in explaining why beat sheets are used during the actual show process, illustrates why you should develop that good habit even in your coffee-shop internship.

Second, Epstein breaks out the working setting of a series in unique detail. When I was first staffed, the military-style ranking of producers was boggling. The writer's room is a bizarre, delicate ego-system. Now, later in my career, I've seen new writers unintentionally self-sabotage in the room when they crossed lines they had no idea existed. (Not my lines -- I am unfailingly loving, forgiving and cheerful in the room. But other people's lines. Important lines)

I had no idea who these suited humans were who kept walking in and ruining our day, what the hell we were doing with that whiteboard ... back when DJ and I were teaching a stand-up class in Montreal we would always insist: "We can't teach you to be a comic. All we can do is shorten that first sucky six months to six weeks." That's what you get in Crafty TV, I think. I can pay no higher compliment than saying I wish I'd read this book before I staffed for the first time. Read this, and I guarantee you will suffer no great surprises once you actually start getting paid to type.

There are only two level criticsim I can toss at this book. The last chapter on showrunning is a bit of a waste. It's interesting for the young dreaming Spec Monkey to read about showrunning, but odds are by the time you're doing it you've been through the fire. Also, he reproduces a springboard, breakdown and beat sheet in an Appendix. The only problem is, the documents are for the show Charlie Jade, a sci fi show known for its non-linear structure. Personally, I think a spec for a more popular show would have been more helpful for the newbies than the actual documents for a more difficult show.

The occasional lack of focus can more than be forgiven for the breadth of coverage. While there are a few nice tricks in there even more experienced writers might use, it's geared primarily to the semi-pro, triple A Spec Monkey. For the aspiring newbie, however, I'd say it's required reading. There's no great "eureka!" moment in the book, but an accretion of detail you'll find both interesting and useful. There are plenty of "How to Write Television 101" books out there; Crafty TV is "How to Be a Television Writer 101". There is a world of difference between those two accomplishments.

Not Showing Up to Pay My Rent

During many of my little adventures in faith, I read and dug Garry Wills two books Why Am I Catholic and Papal Sin -- or, in brief Why Am I Actually Sort of Protestant and Popes are Tricksy. Did you know Popes weren't infallible until the mid-1800's? Funky.

Anyway, Wills explores the faith-based natures of the current Administration in a perfectly reasoned way which, if you've even heard of Thomas Jefferson, should dismay you. (Oh, that's not just a biographical wikipedia link, it's actually important. Go take a look. I'll wait.)

This is not a slag on faith -- nor do I consider it improper to slag faith, to be honest it's just not my thing -- but the separation of Church and State is there for a reason. It's a good reason: once one side of the political debate claims God, then their opponents are against God. A "good heart" matters more than the facts. To change policy is to reflect doubt in God's plan. To question the mortal, fallible men in authority is to question God himself.

And on a gut level, way down in the limbic system, we know/are memetically programmed to believe those against God are not wrong or simply have different opinions, they are evil.

(Personally, I believe this is a rejection of God's intent for man, because it squanders the gifts he gave man alone: reason and doubt. Reason so that we can unravel the mysteries of a near infinitely complex Creation, and doubt so that faith has meaning. But, hey, that's just me.)

Let's just say that when one is accused of being unpatriotic because one opposes an Evangelical administration which favours torture, we are all the way through the Looking Glass.