John: These sweet potato fries are amazing. Anyway, saw a thing on the shortage of Arabic speakers in the FBI and Army today, coupled with an interview on CNN about not letting gays in the military --
Mark: I saw that.
John: Somebody wants to take a bullet for me, I don't know exactly where I get off judging them. In my book that earns a goddam thank you and a big cup of "shut the fuck up" for the pudgy white asshole who doesn't bother to enlist for a war he's jerking off to. Gay in America, you can't serve your country. You can in Israel -- noted military wimps -- Canada, Poland, Germany, Ireland, Australia, the United Kingdom, for chrissake, and look how they've fallen apart. We don't rely on them in Iraq at all. But no, we don't need the gays. Instead let's drop recruiting reqs and go after people borderline retarded --
Mark: Admit "I believe in Santa Clause", and you get in.
John: But "Hey, sometimes I blow guys", no.
Mark: So the trick is, when they ask, say "I want to blow Santa Claus."
John: ... that'd stump me, anyway. I'd want to move on to the next recruit. Quickly.
Mark: There you go.
(EDIT: Oh, and competent people, either. We don't need gays or competent people. Glad we settled that.)