Friday, April 08, 2005

Spoilers!

(recorder on)

John: Thanks for talking to me.
God: I'm always talking to you.
John: I love that bit. Okay. You've seen the fan response.
God: Yeah, I visited the boards. (chuckles) Wow!
John: A long series of weird deaths --
God: Reagan, Arafat --
John: Johnny Cochran
God: From that great run on "I Can't Believe It's the Justice System".
John: Prince Rainier, Saul Bellow and more, then a bizarre wife-murder crime run, followed by reintroduction of old villains the Avian Flu and Ebola Outbreak, plus crossing the line on peak oil production --
God: Wow, you noticed that one. You are a fanboy.
John: All culminating in the death of the Pope! You had to know that would be controversial.
God: Hey, don't think we're oblivious to this. He was the longest running Pope in the twentieth century, probably the most popular Pope since the Golden Age Popes.
John: The only Pope a lot of the younger fans ever knew.
God: Twenty-six years. Not counting papal decrees and trade paperbacks.
John: I mean, is this really innovation, or are you just shocking us for shock's sake to sell faith.
God: Well, I can tell you now, and Kung Fu Monkey readers will be the first to know -- this is all part of an event.
John: A cross-over?
God: No, an EVENT. A fundamental realignment of the AE-universe. We call it Infinite Crisis of the Actual Earth.
John: Wow. Now, is this really a change, or just recycling an old idea with some new flash?
God: I know, I know, you're talking about --
John: Iraq Wars Two. Everyone loved Iraq Wars One, but ten years later all you do is recycle the same war. And it's not as good. Taking way too long to wrap up.
God: Bush and Rumsfeld have deadline issues. But count your blessings. We originally had Ellis writing it.
John: I'm just wondering, how long before a ret-con, and it turns out to be a Pope-clone or some bullshit like that?
God: Trust me. In the Actual Earth Universe, dead means dead. Just ask your grandma.
John: ... man. Ow.
God: Sorry. Woke up feeling all smite-y today. (sips coffee) In an OTG mood.
John: Will Infinite Crisis on Actual Earth introduce any new characters?
God: Four. You'll know 'em when you see 'em. And even before that, you and the fans will be happy to know, we are re-launching the Pope. The creative team behind the relaunch is the College of Cardinals, who brought you the last Pope you all love so much, so everything's in good hands.
John: Thanks for the scoop!
God: All the fans better make sure their subscriptions are paid up, because you're not going to want to miss this! (laughs. stops) And buy some iodine tablets. And canned soup. Maybe learn some basic Chinese verbs. Seriously.

(recorder off)

John: Between you and me?
God: Sure.
John: Any regrets?
God: Never should have let Millar write the Schiavo thing.
John: I knew it.

17 comments:

Robert N. Emerson said...

At least he didn't say it was Claremont, or Terri'd be back with glowy eyes, avian fiery auras, and flowery speech.

Funny, though, damned funny.

Laurean said...

*L*

I *LOVE* your journal for comments like these. Genius pure genius.

Bill Cunningham said...

Does this mean we start over with #1?

Or is there going to be a "zero issue" in there somewhere?

Michael said...

"Woke up feeling all smite-y" ... love it!

Vestal Vespa said...

Love it. Have you seen "The Real Old Testament?" Classic . . .

Isaac Kelley said...

"I Can't Believe it's Not the Justice System"

Bwahahahahahaha!

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