Thursday, January 20, 2005

Spongiform Sexuality

Hey, guess who the right wing Christians outed today?
On the heels of electoral victories barring same-sex marriage, some influential conservative Christian groups are turning their attention to a new target: the cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants.

"Does anybody here know SpongeBob?" Dr. James C. Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, asked the guests Tuesday night at a black-tie dinner for members of Congress and political allies to celebrate the election results [...]

Now, Dr. Dobson said, SpongeBob's creators had enlisted him in a "pro-homosexual video," in which he appeared alongside children's television colleagues like Barney and Jimmy Neutron, among many others. The makers of the video, he said, planned to mail it to thousands of elementary schools to promote a "tolerance pledge" that includes tolerance for differences of "sexual identity." [...]

"We see the video as an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids," he said. "It is a classic bait and switch."


You know what I say? Thank God. I've been secretly turned on by SpongeBob cartoons for months, going to the SpongeBob slashfic rooms ("What are you staring at, Mulder? I'm just taking a shower ... with this sexy, sexy sponge..."), doing the photomanips of SpongeBob and me at the prom -- I thought it meant I had a serious, serious perversion problem. Now it turns out I'm just gay. Whew.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

That Sir is the funniest thing I've read this year. Okay it's still 11 1/2 months to go. But damn the bar is now higher than i thought.

I'd put my name to this but I REALLY can't be bothered going through the registration process.

Anyway from one Physics Graduate to another thanks for making me laugh so hard my wife heard me from another room away.

SDM said...

People are sending out a video with Sponge Bob, Barney and Jimmy Neutron?? To SCHOOLS??? We must stop this depravity, and... er, wait. A video of tolerance, you say. Oh. I see. EVIL TOLERANCE! It must be stamped out!

You realize that the web will be flooded with slash fics of you and Sponge Bob now, right?

Luke Barnett said...

Another idiotic "christian" 'position' against cartoon characters......
when will the idiocy stop.....
probably at the end! Please come back Lord! stop the insanity!

Anonymous said...

Goreshade/Black Liger here:

I can't believe anyone would think Sponge Bob would be gay. Especially with all that hand action he gets with Sandy!

Angelophile said...

Sponge Bob and Barney sitting in a tree...

Curtin said...

I always wanted to nail Polly Pureheart.

Karl said...

So the sponge Bert and Ernie used...is Spongebob?

Anonymous said...

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(It all sounds pretty hot.)

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