Over at Something Awful, their Friday Photoshopping contest is Sin City tributes. Go check it out.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Writing: Jargon Preservation
Had an interesting moment talking to Alex Epstein the other day. We were discussing a script moment, I used a term, and he'd never heard of it. I realized that a.) if you don't apprentice in one of the big writing rooms in LA, you've probably never heard any of these terms, and b.) the older writers who taught we staff newbies these tools are -- especially with the nuclear winter of the half-hour -- not around as much. A valuable sub-cultural tool is fast disappearing. Most movie writers have no experience of this whatsoever.
Not that you need to know these things to be a writer. But it just seems a pity to me that this great oral tradition is dying. One of my favorite moments happened during my first week at Cosby.
Saul Turtletaub (father of director Jon) and Bernie Orenstein had sort of taken me under their wing -- having a stand-up around, rather than a film-school grad, reminded them of the old days of writing. During a run-through, Saul turned to Bernie and asked "Didn't we use that joke on That Girl?"
Beat. "You were on That Girl?"
We then did the math, and realized that Saul and Bernie had started their first writing job together one week before my birth. I was, literally, their career.
Thirty-odd years of solving every script problem -- and more importantly, every practical shooting script problem -- imaginable. Couple that with a ... hmm ... chaotic shooting process, and it was boot camp. One of the best things to come out of staffing was learning that for many, many situations, there was a shorthand to help codify and communicate a problem in the script that was often tantalizingly just out of reach, just at the edge of your writer's "something's ... off" radar.
So, put these in your toolbox. I'll be collecting more as we go. All origins recorded as they were explained to me.
"a Bono": a place in the script that, no matter what joke you put there, it fails.
Sonny Bono once opened a restaraunt up near the studios, called, of course, "Bono's". It failed, quickly. That's unremarkable. But then, every restaraunt that opened on that corner after Bono's also failed. Something like a DOZEN of them, and all flaming out spectacularly in six months. That corner was cursed, and so the script term "a Bono" was born. It's hard to really explain a Bono to you unless you've seen one, but they're real.
"A Nokamura": When a large number of jokes are all predicated on a single, earlier joke. This can entail great risk.
Based on a Cheers episode. A day-player was named "Nokamura". A vast chunk of the second act's jokes were based on people mispronouncing, repeating, etc. the name "Nokamura."
But the problem was, on tape night -- the first mention of "Nokamura" didn't get a laugh. This meant the rest of the jokes wouldn't work. The rest of the show was shanked.
The worst thing about a Nokamura is that when the first joke fails, you as the writing staff know what's coming. All you can do is watch in horror as your show unravels, the Nokamura too deeply entrenched to require anything but a complete between-tapings rewrite.
(Note: We have recent e-mails suggesting the origin of this term was actually The Bob Newhart Show. We are investigating)
"Up and Back": When the characters or plot go through high drama/high action scenes, but neither their emotional arc nor the story arc are advanced.
Pops up a lot in action movies or sitcoms, where the focus is often on the gag rather than the story. Usually delivered in a regretful tone while looking at the scene breakdown on the whiteboard. "Kind of an up and back, isn't it?"
"The Rake Bit": Something that's funny, goes on too long so it's not funny, then goes on so long that it becomes INCREDIBLY funny.
Goes under a couple different names, but of writers my age, this seems to be the most prevalent. Based on The Simpsons ep that was a Cape Fear riff. Sideshow Bob climbs out from under a car and steps on a rake. It smacks him. He mutters. He then steps three feet away ... onto another rake. He mutters. ad-near-infinitum.
"a Squiggy" or "the 'hello' gag": From Laverne & Shirley. Can only be defined by example.
Laverne (crossing to door): "What sort of degenerate freak would agree to that?"
Squiggy (door opens): "He-looooo."
This is a variation of but distinct from ...
"the Gilligan cut": When you cut directly from a character declaring there's no way he's going to do something, to him doing it, for comedic effect.
Also called "the flip joke", but I've heard this usage, and it's more interesting nomenclature. Thanks to Jacob at Yankee Fog.
(previously listed as "the red dress", This name comes from the way it was always described to me: a burly guy saying"There's no way I'm going to get into a red dress and pretend to be your wife". SMASH CUT to ... you get the idea.)
"a Van Dyke": leaving a scene, usually a party scene, early and then starting the next scene with a phone conversation which elaborates and expands the previous scene while also introducing new information. A nice bit of shorthand.
From, of course, the Dick Van Dyke show. You'd leave the party scene at the point of, say, Laura downing her third drink and Rob realizing she was out of control. You'd then come back to Rob on the phone the next day, talking to Buddy: "Yes. Yes, all of them. And a pony! What? The producer I'm trying to impress was there? Why didn't you tell me!"*
"on the roof": A character or bit that hasn't been written out yet, but is on double secret probation before shoot day.
I'm proud to say, this is my own little contribution to the lexicon, which I've learned has travelled to other shows. Based the old joke:
Well, there you have it. I've contacted some of my older writer friends, and we'll see if we can't build the list. Any other staff writers, feel free to toss me an e-mail at kfmonkey@gmail.com and submit terms I don't know.
Hopefully this is a nice change of pace from the usual "start the scene late, leave early" entry in all the other screenwriting blogs. Enjoy.
(NOTE: Hey Defamer-ites and others. For those looking for more Jargon, you can get to the second post through the homepage of Kung Fu Monkey. For a quick tour of the site and some of the readers' favorite bits, go to Index-Fu.)
(NOTE on the NOTE: We're now up to three posts on this. Please hop to the main page and check the index, particularly if you want to pitch a new one, to see if it's already covered.)
*(Oh, and if those names mean nothing to you and you're a comedy writer, go learn a little history You're part of a tradition, for chrissake).
Not that you need to know these things to be a writer. But it just seems a pity to me that this great oral tradition is dying. One of my favorite moments happened during my first week at Cosby.
Saul Turtletaub (father of director Jon) and Bernie Orenstein had sort of taken me under their wing -- having a stand-up around, rather than a film-school grad, reminded them of the old days of writing. During a run-through, Saul turned to Bernie and asked "Didn't we use that joke on That Girl?"
Beat. "You were on That Girl?"
We then did the math, and realized that Saul and Bernie had started their first writing job together one week before my birth. I was, literally, their career.
Thirty-odd years of solving every script problem -- and more importantly, every practical shooting script problem -- imaginable. Couple that with a ... hmm ... chaotic shooting process, and it was boot camp. One of the best things to come out of staffing was learning that for many, many situations, there was a shorthand to help codify and communicate a problem in the script that was often tantalizingly just out of reach, just at the edge of your writer's "something's ... off" radar.
So, put these in your toolbox. I'll be collecting more as we go. All origins recorded as they were explained to me.
"a Bono": a place in the script that, no matter what joke you put there, it fails.
Sonny Bono once opened a restaraunt up near the studios, called, of course, "Bono's". It failed, quickly. That's unremarkable. But then, every restaraunt that opened on that corner after Bono's also failed. Something like a DOZEN of them, and all flaming out spectacularly in six months. That corner was cursed, and so the script term "a Bono" was born. It's hard to really explain a Bono to you unless you've seen one, but they're real.
"A Nokamura": When a large number of jokes are all predicated on a single, earlier joke. This can entail great risk.
Based on a Cheers episode. A day-player was named "Nokamura". A vast chunk of the second act's jokes were based on people mispronouncing, repeating, etc. the name "Nokamura."
But the problem was, on tape night -- the first mention of "Nokamura" didn't get a laugh. This meant the rest of the jokes wouldn't work. The rest of the show was shanked.
The worst thing about a Nokamura is that when the first joke fails, you as the writing staff know what's coming. All you can do is watch in horror as your show unravels, the Nokamura too deeply entrenched to require anything but a complete between-tapings rewrite.
(Note: We have recent e-mails suggesting the origin of this term was actually The Bob Newhart Show. We are investigating)
"Up and Back": When the characters or plot go through high drama/high action scenes, but neither their emotional arc nor the story arc are advanced.
Pops up a lot in action movies or sitcoms, where the focus is often on the gag rather than the story. Usually delivered in a regretful tone while looking at the scene breakdown on the whiteboard. "Kind of an up and back, isn't it?"
"The Rake Bit": Something that's funny, goes on too long so it's not funny, then goes on so long that it becomes INCREDIBLY funny.
Goes under a couple different names, but of writers my age, this seems to be the most prevalent. Based on The Simpsons ep that was a Cape Fear riff. Sideshow Bob climbs out from under a car and steps on a rake. It smacks him. He mutters. He then steps three feet away ... onto another rake. He mutters. ad-near-infinitum.
"a Squiggy" or "the 'hello' gag": From Laverne & Shirley. Can only be defined by example.
Laverne (crossing to door): "What sort of degenerate freak would agree to that?"
Squiggy (door opens): "He-looooo."
This is a variation of but distinct from ...
"the Gilligan cut": When you cut directly from a character declaring there's no way he's going to do something, to him doing it, for comedic effect.
Also called "the flip joke", but I've heard this usage, and it's more interesting nomenclature. Thanks to Jacob at Yankee Fog.
(previously listed as "the red dress", This name comes from the way it was always described to me: a burly guy saying"There's no way I'm going to get into a red dress and pretend to be your wife". SMASH CUT to ... you get the idea.)
"a Van Dyke": leaving a scene, usually a party scene, early and then starting the next scene with a phone conversation which elaborates and expands the previous scene while also introducing new information. A nice bit of shorthand.
From, of course, the Dick Van Dyke show. You'd leave the party scene at the point of, say, Laura downing her third drink and Rob realizing she was out of control. You'd then come back to Rob on the phone the next day, talking to Buddy: "Yes. Yes, all of them. And a pony! What? The producer I'm trying to impress was there? Why didn't you tell me!"*
"on the roof": A character or bit that hasn't been written out yet, but is on double secret probation before shoot day.
I'm proud to say, this is my own little contribution to the lexicon, which I've learned has travelled to other shows. Based the old joke:
A guy has his brother watch his cat while he's on vacation. First day out, he calls his brother.When, after the table read, a day-player just isn't up to snuff, or a bit lays there, a lot of times you know it'll never see the light of day on the shoot, but you just haven't come up with anything to replace it -- yet. That bit/actor is "on the roof."
"How's my cat?"
"Sorry, Bill, the cat's dead."
"Dammit, don't tell me that! Now my vacation's ruined!"
"Well, what was I supposed to say?"
"Ease me into it! Tell me that the cat's gone up on the roof, and you can't get it down. Next time I call, tell me the cat's still on the roof, and it won't come down. Then, when I call the last time, tell me the cat died, so it's not a shock."
"Fine, fine. Sorry."
"Okay. So, how's Mom?"
"... Mom's up on the roof and she won't come down."
Well, there you have it. I've contacted some of my older writer friends, and we'll see if we can't build the list. Any other staff writers, feel free to toss me an e-mail at kfmonkey@gmail.com and submit terms I don't know.
Hopefully this is a nice change of pace from the usual "start the scene late, leave early" entry in all the other screenwriting blogs. Enjoy.
(NOTE: Hey Defamer-ites and others. For those looking for more Jargon, you can get to the second post through the homepage of Kung Fu Monkey. For a quick tour of the site and some of the readers' favorite bits, go to Index-Fu.)
(NOTE on the NOTE: We're now up to three posts on this. Please hop to the main page and check the index, particularly if you want to pitch a new one, to see if it's already covered.)
*(Oh, and if those names mean nothing to you and you're a comedy writer, go learn a little history You're part of a tradition, for chrissake).
Writing: Software
This is one of the few questions I get asked I can answer unreservedly. I prefer Movie Magic Screenwriter over Final Draft. I've used both.
This is not to slag Final Draft. But I've found that Movie Magic is more stable, has many more production-friendly elements to it that are easier to find, and its shortcuts just fit my style better. Also, being able to flip scripts between my office PC and my Powerbook versions with no software formatting hinks is beautiful.
One new piece of software that looks interesting is SceneWriter Pro. I've got the free download, will check it out this weekend.
There are, of course, several free/shareware formatting programs. Google will get you there quickly. I was sent Celtx, which isn't bad (although I'm not sure if they're going pro or not, the site seems different). There are a ton of templates for MS Word, like this one. Again, Google is your friend.
For outlining -- white, thin-ruled pad and colored pens. Over the weekend, I'll go more into this (hopefully with a scan), but for me, that's the organic pen-to-paper hindbrain creativity section of the process. There are programs, but I've tried most of them and found them ... excessive. They tend to layer meaning after meaning, text layer upon text layer on every beat -- while for me, the outline is where you see of your story actually works as a script.
Mileage, as always, may vary.
This is not to slag Final Draft. But I've found that Movie Magic is more stable, has many more production-friendly elements to it that are easier to find, and its shortcuts just fit my style better. Also, being able to flip scripts between my office PC and my Powerbook versions with no software formatting hinks is beautiful.
One new piece of software that looks interesting is SceneWriter Pro. I've got the free download, will check it out this weekend.
There are, of course, several free/shareware formatting programs. Google will get you there quickly. I was sent Celtx, which isn't bad (although I'm not sure if they're going pro or not, the site seems different). There are a ton of templates for MS Word, like this one. Again, Google is your friend.
For outlining -- white, thin-ruled pad and colored pens. Over the weekend, I'll go more into this (hopefully with a scan), but for me, that's the organic pen-to-paper hindbrain creativity section of the process. There are programs, but I've tried most of them and found them ... excessive. They tend to layer meaning after meaning, text layer upon text layer on every beat -- while for me, the outline is where you see of your story actually works as a script.
Mileage, as always, may vary.
More Screewnriting Resources
Majikthise, added as mentioned before. Also, Rude Pundit, because he's very, very angry and slightly funnier than he is angry, which is the best funny of all.
As part of my "Oh, right, I should probably acknowledge all the young screen geeks from CHUD in my Sitemeter" month, some added Screenwriting links.
The Artful Writer is someone far more hooked up in the union and industry than I am. Always interesting, a lot on the practical business side of things.
John August is obviously a really, really nice guy, besides being a spiffy writer. He actually answers readers questions. Some about formatting. If any readers did bother to ask me a question, it'd better not be about frikkin' formatting.
Now, a few quick posts while waiting for my lunch to show up ...
As part of my "Oh, right, I should probably acknowledge all the young screen geeks from CHUD in my Sitemeter" month, some added Screenwriting links.
The Artful Writer is someone far more hooked up in the union and industry than I am. Always interesting, a lot on the practical business side of things.
John August is obviously a really, really nice guy, besides being a spiffy writer. He actually answers readers questions. Some about formatting. If any readers did bother to ask me a question, it'd better not be about frikkin' formatting.
Now, a few quick posts while waiting for my lunch to show up ...
Thursday, April 14, 2005
A Better Man Than I
Although I appear friendly and accessible, I'm actually a right jerk, unless you ply me with booze. Bill over at DISC/ontent, however, is actually willing to interact with you in a meaningful way.
He's looking at loglines for D2DVD film ideas. A contest, verily, an arena for to see your ideas crush other, weaker ideas like Russell Crowe weeding out those gits in the chariot. No promises, but it's a nice way to hone your craft and maybe get a crack at actors saying your words. Go and throw your pitches at the wall.
He's looking at loglines for D2DVD film ideas. A contest, verily, an arena for to see your ideas crush other, weaker ideas like Russell Crowe weeding out those gits in the chariot. No promises, but it's a nice way to hone your craft and maybe get a crack at actors saying your words. Go and throw your pitches at the wall.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Slow Armageddon or Wet Coughs?
I've decied to start -- in between the jokes -- to bring some semblance of monthly focus here. So, quick quiz for the remainder of April. Do we want a bunch o'links to the Peak Oil Problem, or discussing National Health Care?
Monday, April 11, 2005
Damn, now I have to be nicer on the boards...
Congratulations to our friend Nick Nunziata over at CHUD. Nick is producing a real-live movie, a real-live studio mainstream release movie.
You could do worse than grow up to be Nick Nunziata.
Of course, then you'd have to carry whatever child-molesting cousin you have who's your personal equivalent of Dave Davis, but we all have a cross to bear.
Alert, young disciples. Nick's a guy from Atlanta -- not exactly the center of movie-dom -- who started a wee website, cultivated his relationships, worked his ass off, and is now a movie producer. He ain't related to nobody. He never moved here.
It's been in the works a while but there was no reason to discuss it until it became official.
But it's done. The deal aspect at least. New Line Cinema is the studio that will be doing what millions of readers have been wanting to see ever since Steve Alten started writing about man-eating fish. Very large man-eating fish even. They are making Meg the way it's meant to be made. Big and bad ass.
Steve Alten wrote the first several drafts and with many headaches thanks to notes from the producing team of Larry Gordon, Lloyd Levin, Ken Atchity, Guillermo del Toro, and myself. The already solid book became a cooler film, if you ask me. Much cooler. In fact, stay tuned to this site as we unveil the details of Steve's upcoming "director's cut" of his novel, due this summer. Shane (Ghost Rider, Breakdown, Armageddon) Salerno is doing the rewrite of the script and Jan (Speed, Twister) Debont is directing.
You could do worse than grow up to be Nick Nunziata.
Of course, then you'd have to carry whatever child-molesting cousin you have who's your personal equivalent of Dave Davis, but we all have a cross to bear.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Sunday Better Writer Line-up
First -- is this music video a put-on or not? Because if it's satire, then I want to kiss someone. If it's not, then I'm heading for the sewers to become the Denis Leary character in my Demolition Man-style freedom fighting group.
-- Addding Majikthise to the blogroll, although I've always secretly suspected that a philosopher who also dabbled in science fiction and liberal politics was so statistically improbable as to be some sort of computer construct.
-- David Neiwert lays out such an elegant little smackdown on people who don't believe you should pass anti-gay discrimination laws because homosexuality is a "chosen behaviour" -- I hereby announce that I surrender all inferior personally constructed arguments and shall claim this one as my own, wielding it lethally and shamelessly, like a Huron dropping a blunderbuss and prying a Springfield longrifle off a dead Brit.
-- When I'm sure Blogger's settled down, I'll add Shakespeare's Sisters Big Brass Blog, but in the meantime check out the nice bit of coding on the Bloggrrlz Gallery. Scan the front pages of progressive women's blogs without leaving the guide page.
-- Novelist Jeri Smith reports on an excellent development in Maryland:
-- Kevin Drum talks about theState Department finally admitting that the reconstruction of Iraq shagged the pooch and starting a study. On behalf of 10,000 wounded US soldiers and 1500 dead ones, allow me to say, "No, fuck YOU very much, fat white guys in suits. Fuck YOU."
-- Addding Majikthise to the blogroll, although I've always secretly suspected that a philosopher who also dabbled in science fiction and liberal politics was so statistically improbable as to be some sort of computer construct.
-- David Neiwert lays out such an elegant little smackdown on people who don't believe you should pass anti-gay discrimination laws because homosexuality is a "chosen behaviour" -- I hereby announce that I surrender all inferior personally constructed arguments and shall claim this one as my own, wielding it lethally and shamelessly, like a Huron dropping a blunderbuss and prying a Springfield longrifle off a dead Brit.
-- When I'm sure Blogger's settled down, I'll add Shakespeare's Sisters Big Brass Blog, but in the meantime check out the nice bit of coding on the Bloggrrlz Gallery. Scan the front pages of progressive women's blogs without leaving the guide page.
-- Novelist Jeri Smith reports on an excellent development in Maryland:
Last week the Maryland Senate passed a bill to give medical decision-making rights to all unmarried couples who sign onto a domestic registry. The House of Delegates passed a similar bill overwhelmingly last year, so it's as good as passed at this point.
The Maryland Catholic Conference (who should be condemned just for having the worst blinking text offense in website history--seriously, go look at it, but epileptics be warned) lobbied against the bill, saying it was "really about promoting the radical homosexual agenda."
This would be the first time someone would have the explicit right to visit his or her partner in the hospital, as there are no legal documents available to spell out that right.
Dan Furmansky of Equality Maryland said, "I guess if wanting to be in the hospital room with your loved one at a time of illness is part of the radical homosexual agenda, then we're guilty as charged."
-- Kevin Drum talks about theState Department finally admitting that the reconstruction of Iraq shagged the pooch and starting a study. On behalf of 10,000 wounded US soldiers and 1500 dead ones, allow me to say, "No, fuck YOU very much, fat white guys in suits. Fuck YOU."
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