Monday, December 28, 2009

RERUNS: "Wait, Arent You Scared?"

(Conveniently enough, I'm doing hiatus reruns, and it's apparently time to drag this one out fo the closet. Originally posted August 2006, right after the Juicebox terrorists were rolled up)

"Wait, Arent You Scared?"

Errr, no. And if you are, you frankly should be a little goddam embarrassed.

No false bravado and it's not that I don't take terrorism seriously. I do, which I why I voted for the guy who believed in securing our ports and fighting terrorism with criminal investigation methods -- which is, if we may remind everybody, how this particular plot was busted.

I am just not going to wet my pants every time some guys get arrested in a terror plot. I will do my best to stay informed. I will support the necessary law enforcement agencies. I will take whatever reasonable precautions seem, um, reasonable. But I will not be terrorized. I assume that the terror-ists would like me to be terror-ized, as that is what is says on their nametag, rather than, say, wanting me to surrender to ennui or negative body image, and they're just coming the long way around.

Osama Bin Laden got everything on his Christmas list after 9/11 -- US out of Saudi Arabia; the greatest military in the world over-extended, pinned down and distracted; the greatest proponent of democracy suddenly alienated from its allies; a US culture verily eager to destroy freedoms that little scumfuck could never even dream to touch himself -- I would like to deny him the last little check on the clipboard, i.e. constant terror. I panic, they win. To coin a phrase, Osama Bin Laden can suck my insouciance.

I am absolutely buffaloed by the people who insist I man up and take it in the teeth for the great Clash of Civilizations -- "Come ON, people, this is the EPIC LAST WAR!! You just don't have the stones to face that fact head-on!" -- who at the whiff of an actual terror plot will, with no apparent sense of irony, transform and run around shrieking, eyes rolling and Hello Kitty panties flashing like Japanese schoolgirls who have just realized that the call is coming from inside the house!

I may have shared too much there.

To be honest, it's not like I'm a brave man. I'm not. At all. It just, well, it doesn't take that much strength of will not to be scared. Who the hell am I supposed to be scared of? Joseph Padilla, dirty bomber who didn't actually know how to build a bomb, had no allies or supplies, and against whom the government case is so weak they're now shuffling him from court to court to avoid the public embarassment of a trial? The fuckwits who were going to take down the Brooklyn Bridge with blowtorches? Richard Reid, the Zeppo of suicide bombers? The great Canadian plot that had organized over the internet, was penetrated by the Mounties on day one, and we were told had a TRUCK FULL OF EXPLOSIVES ... which they had bought from the Mounties in a sting operation but hey let's skip right over that. Or how about the "compound" of Christian cultists in Florida who were planning on blowing up the Sears Tower with ... kung fu?

And now these guys. As the initial "OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD THEY CAN BLOW US UP WITH SNAPPLE BOTTLES!!" hysteria subsides, we discover that these guys had been under surveillance, completely penetrated, by no less than three major intelligence agencies. That they were planning on cell phones, and some of them openly travelled to Pakistan (way to keep the cover, Reilly, Ace of Spies). Hell, Chertoff knew about this two weeks ago, and the only reason that some people can scream this headline:

"The London Bombers were within DAYS of trying a dry run!!!"

-- was because MI-5, MI-6, and Scotland Yard let them get that close, so they could suck in the largest number of contacts (again, very spiffy police work). The fact that these wingnuts could have been rolled up, at will, at any time, seems to have competely escaped the media buzz.

This is terrorism's A-game? Sack up, people.

Again, this is not to do anything less than marvel as cool, well-trained, ruthless law-enforcement professionals -- who spent decades honing their craft chasing my IRA cousins -- execute their job magnificently. Should we take this seriously? DAMN STRAIGHT we take this seriously. Left unchecked, these terror-fanboy bastards would have gone down in history. These cretins' intent was monstrous; they should, and will, all go to jail for a very long time. This is the part where we all breathe a sigh of relief that there are some actual professionals working the job in some countries.

But God gave me a brain, and a modicum of spine. Taking something seriously, and panicking over it are two different things. I do not assign all dangers and risks equal value. Tight little freelance squads with leak-proof operational discipline, like the 7/7 guys, -- those I worry about. A nuke coming in through one of ridiculously open ports -- I am concerned. Not bio-terror so much, because it's a shitty delivery mechanism. That the Muslim population of England seems to be becoming radicalized enough to sprout up these plots, that's not a good thing to consider. al-Queda involvement -- good if true because this means their recruiting is shitty: bad if true because this means they're back in business: bad if false because it means al-Queda has indeed become a "brand": but good if false because it reinforces the idea that they're operationally crippled (and if Zwahari is involved, I personally would like a word with whatever idiot nation took their eyes of the ball and let him escape ...)

... You get the point. There are a million factors in this New World of Terror. You weigh 'em, you process, and then you move on.

You move on, building a better international society so that luddite fundamentalist criminal gangs/cults of personality are further and further marginalized.

Or, if you don't understand 4th Generation Warfare at all, you move on, bombing the shit out of nation-states and handing your opponents massive PR victories. Either way, you move the fuck on.

Maybe it's just, I cast my eyes back on the last century ...

FDR: Oh, I'm sorry, was wiping out our entire Pacific fleet supposed to intimidate us? We have nothing to fear but fear itself, and right now we're coming to kick your ass with brand new destroyers riveted by waitresses. How's that going to feel?

CHURCHILL: Yeah, you keep bombing us. We'll be in the pub, flipping you off. I'm slapping Rolls-Royce engines into untested flying coffins to knock you out of the skies, and then I'm sending angry Welshmen to burn your country from the Rhine to the Polish border.

US. NOW: BE AFRAID!! Oh God, the Brown Bad people could strike any moment! They could strike ... NOW!! AHHHH. Okay, how about .. NOW!! AAGAGAHAHAHHAG! Quick, do whatever we tell you, and believe whatever we tell you, or YOU WILL BE KILLED BY BROWN PEOPLE!! PUT DOWN THAT SIPPY CUP!!

... and I'm just a little tired of being on the wrong side of that historical arc.

This is it, folks. This is the world, from now on. Even assuming the War on Terror is a not just a bad metaphor and there is an actual measurable winning point (which is a bad assumption, by the way), even short 4GW struggles last fifty years or so. We're going to be stopping one or two of these bastard mass-murder plots a year, minimum, for the rest of our lives. Hell, the way terror tactics and tech evolve, five years from now we're going to be pining for the dudes with the flammable juice boxes.

It's now part of our life. Let's try not to hop like the trained monkeys every time it happens.

94 comments:

JD Rhoades said...

Thanks, I really needed that, especially after I got careless at the in-laws this weekend and accidentally allowed myself to be exposed to one of the Sunday morning news shows.

Unknown said...

Oh dear, I knew there was a reason I liked you.

My grand plan of flying (international!) to Vegas for New Years will only be stopped by price, not the vague threat of crazy.

Red said...

Flew from LA to the East Coast yesterday. No extra security that I could tell. And really, the only way we could avoid these incidents is for all passengers to be on total lockdown, bring nothing on board, total pat down at every step. There still also remains the risk of mechanical malfunction, pilots too busy texting and overshooting their destination by 150 miles, etc. There's a risk to everything.

Anne said...

Damn. I loved this post the first time I read it, and I wish it would STOP BEING RELEVANT.

CaseyL said...

What Anne said.

*sigh*

I cannot tell you how sick and tired I am of living in a culture of pearl-clutching, pant-wetting, terror-mongering IDIOTS.

I don't know how to change the current Zeitgeist of stupidity and cowardice. Either it's a generational thing, and will pass on its own in 40 years; or it's a fin de siecle thing, and time for the next optimistic, unafraid, vigorous, remake-the-world-in-our-image country to step up to the plate.

Unknown said...

win

Sean Hansen said...

You just pretty much described how I feel now that I can't have a book in my lap for a 1 hour flight from Atlanta to Indianapolis.

I'm not a very brave man either, but the only thought I have right now is "Thanks a lot, asshole."

SueN. said...

I have permanent mental whiplash from the constant whipping back and forth from "bring it on, we'll kick your ass" to "OMG, they're under the bed, aaahhhh!"

When did it become in our best interest to become a nation of frickin' bed-wetters?

David Hunt said...

I was just thinking about this post this morning because of all the craziness going on with air travel right now. I was trying to remember how the bit about flying coffins and angry Welshmen went. So thanks for that.

DB said...

To be honest, FDR panicked too: he locked up all the Japanese-Americans he could find.

And Bush thought he was showing FDR/WSC-like determination by invading Iraq. Unfortunately he was tone-deaf to the difference between that and irrelevant macho posturing.

But yeah, mostly you're right on target.

Red said...

@DB, thanks for pointing out the xenophobic knee-jerk reaction of "interning" the Japanese-Americans. I was afraid something like that would happen again after 9/11.

@Casey, I wear pearls and knit too, and I know how to use those pointy sticks! Which are still allowed on planes.

Darkrose said...

Leaving out of Dulles on the 26th, I was struck by the lack of "heightened security measures". We still had to take our shoes off and our laptops out, but we'd done that in Sacramento. And absolutely nothing bad happened.

Anonymous said...

Thankfully, nothing extra on the Southwest run from BHM-Vegas-San Jose today - just a couple TSAs quietly looking at a couple random carryons in the gate area. Nothing different in flight - in fact, I don't think they told us to turn off our electronic devices until the plane was already over the Tank in SJ.

Maybe people have finally sobered up?

Dwight Williams said...

You're speaking of measures specific to within the USA. The new directives are aimed at those of us visiting by air from outside the USA. All of those of us doing so, apparently.

Unknown said...

It always makes me sad when the usual round of "Is Your X REALLY Safe?" hits the news because people's reactions should be "Well, its like worrying about the plane getting hit by lightening or an engine blowing out" but instead is "Wahhh! Strip searches for everyone but me!"

If I get to be a head-in-a-jar, I can't wait to see history books look at this period and cluck their tongues like we do at Hearst's yellow journalism.

flynn said...

Hooray, angry Welshmen for teh win!!
Again!!

Doctor Jay said...

No, my vote goes to destroyers riveted by waitresses. They rock!

Doc Nebula said...

Those who insist we must be terrified at all times are those who want to live in Batman's world. They want to dwell in the land of Constant Emergency, they want to be citizens of the Land of Absolute Good vs. Absolute Evil, where every bad guy and every good guy is immediately recognizable by basic visual cues -- bad guys look ugly and freakish and scary (and, generally, non white), good guys look clean cut and square jawed and steely eyed and noble (and, generally, Caucasian... in Batman's world, if you're a non-white good guy, you'd better make it obvious, by wearing a great big jacket that says FAIR PLAY on the sleeves).

Why do they want to live in this oversimplified-to-a-frankly-retarded-degree reality? Because it's cleaner and it's easier and you don't have to be very bright to get along there. It's always Code Red time, and a man with a coat is always the enemy -- shoot!

Which is to say, these kinda folks love it when there's a war on, because when there's a war on, there's no time for all that palaver you love so much, you weakling! It's a crisis! Listen to the Heinlein Alpha Male with the gun, son! Shoot that filthy hippie! YOU MUST NOT HESITATE, YOU MUST NOT DOUBT, YOU MUST NOT THINK! DO AS YOU'RE TOLD OR WE'RE ALL DOOMED!

We follow orders or people die, son. Am I clear?

See here and also here for more on this mindset. But essentially, as with the Comedian, they like it when things get a little freaky. Because when the shit hits the fan, the right wing nutjob can slap the shit out of that stupid liberal intellectual, and say he's doing it for the good of the world.

Life don' ged much betta dan dat.

bluepillnation said...

Lovely stuff, though I'm enough of a nerd to point out that your piece was very unfair to Zeppo Marx, a very gifted comic actor who allegedly understudied Groucho better than Groucho himself - as well as being a talented inventor. Also, the flying coffins were actually pretty well-tested by the time war was declared - unfortunately it took a while to train pilots well enough to fly them... ;)

Joseph said...

I don't want to insist we should be terrified at all times, but I absolutely DO want to live in Batman's world.

Dwight Williams said...

Which version of the Batman and his world would you want to visit, though? Current DCU-comics-standard edition? Nolan-movie edition? Burton-movies version?

Dave said...

http://gizmodo.com/5435954/the-true-odds-of-airborne-terror-chart

CoryO said...

Glorious. Fantastic. Hilarious. Except that you shouldn't worry about nukes as much as you do. Pretty unlikely. Other attack vectors are exponentially easier.

GinaFan said...

If we could only get people to care about the things that matter, like the banks f'ing us all, instead of contrived terrorists, and whether your teen is adicted to texting. News is now entertainment, remember.

Robin said...

Well said, John. The recent kerfluffle has had me irked at the prospect of enduring TSA madness when I go to Italy in the spring. I'll try to keep this in mind when my friends and I are wading through four hours of scanning, searches, pat-downs, and who knows what else they come up with by then.

For some reason, your summation of Churchill sounds like Denis Leary in my head. :)

Unknown said...

"...and then I'm sending angry Welshmen to burn your country from the Rhine to the Polish border.

Absolutely superb. These cretins' intent was indeed monstrous, but for the most part their competence has far from matched it.

And in case you haven't seen this...
Meanwhile Julian Cook, professor of Islamic Studies at Reading University, said Al Qaeda's new tactic seemed to be at odds with the theological underpinnings of militant jihadism, adding: "One suspects the 72 virgins are going to be somewhat redundant if you arrive in paradise having blown your own cock off."

PhantomMinuet said...

I genuflect in your general direction.

Dwight Williams said...

Dave: I saw that odds-of-attack chart on Gizmodo! It puts everything over the last decade into some kind of perspective, to be sure, and I'll be interested to see if the Big Decision-Makers get exposed to that meme, and how effective it will be.

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Dwight Williams said...

Keeping in mind the latest news here in Ottawa, I'm wondering if it might not be for the best for this essay to be forwarded to the local newspapers.

John?

Sildenafil said...

I have to say that before that tragedy happened I was not sacred at all and I felt secure, but after that, everything changed and I'm still scared that that could happen again!

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Dwight Williams said...

Ahhh...spammers.

One favour they did for me without intending it: they reminded me that this essay was - and is - worth a re-read at least once a year. John, you nailed it to the church door Martin Luther-style here. And the HarperGov could stand to be reminded. Especially when they start making noises about how environmentalists should be branded as extremist nutters.

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Dwight Williams said...

And we're still coping with the spammers.

And I notice that given the news from Ottawa re: the shooter whose crimes were ended by Sergeant-a-Arms Kevin Vickers in the Centre Block, we really need this essay to hit the local newspapers. Not that our current prime minister will heed the advice, mind you...

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So: February 2015 Update time.

How about Bill C-51?

I smell overreaction.

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Unknown said...

Obat Kencing Nanah
Obat Herbal Kutil Kelamin
Obat Sipilis De Nature
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Cara Mengobati Kencing Keluar Nanah Wanita Di Apotik
Cara Mengobati Kencing Keluar Nanah Wanita Di Apotik

Unknown said...

Menghilangkan Kutil Pada KelaminJadi Apa Pilihan Pengobatan Yang Baik Untuk Kutil Kelamin Pria? Beberapa metode pengobatan yang dapat dicoba untuk menyembuhkan penyakit ini adalah melalui penggunaan krim dan salep. Selain itu bisa juga dengan resep dokter lain yang tujuanya untuk memusnahkan kutil tersebut. untuk cara pemesanana silahkan kunjungblog kami

obat herbal untuk wasir eksternalWasir tidak dapat menyebabkan kanker dubur. Dalam beberapa kasus yang jarang, orang dengan kanker dubur yang paling bertanggung jawab untuk memiliki wasir. Hal ini terjadi karena meningkatnya tekanan pada tumor.untuk cara pemesanana silahkan kunjungweb kami

obat kelamin pria keluar nanahCairan nanah pada pasien gonore tidak hanya muncul saat buang air kecil saja, tetapi juga dapat keluar melalui bintik-bintik merah yang muncul di kulit pasien. Perbedaan yang ketiga terletak pada ruam merah yang biasa muncul pada pasien sipilis. untuk cara pemesanana silahkan kunjungweb kami

obat ambeien yang berdarahKesulitan buang air besar karena susah mengeluarkan tinja yang keras disebabkan oleh kurangnya serat dalam tubuh anda. Sehingga orang yang kekurangan serat mudah menderita wasir. Wasir atau ambeien secara umum bisa dibagi dua yaitu wasir internal dan external. untuk cara pemesanana silahkan kunjungsite kami

obat kelamin pria keluar nanahDalam beberapa kasus, di tubuh pasien juga ditemukan beberapa bintik-bintik merah bernanah yang muncul di kulit. Selama masa infeksi ini berlangsung, gejala-gejala awal yang telah disebutkan tadi bisa muncul dengan diikuti oleh demam. untuk cara pemesanana silahkan kunjungweb kami

Obat Herbal Kutil KemaluanTapi tetap saja pengobatan ini juga tidak dapat menjanjikan kutil tidak akan datang kembali. untuk cara pemesanana silahkan kunjungbaca disini

Obat Kutil Di Kemaluan WanitaHal inilah yang menjadi penyebab kenapa akhirnya banyak penderita yang mencoba berbagai solusi pengobatan herbal dan semacamnya. untuk cara pemesanana silahkan kunjungklik disin

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http://www.obatkankerdenature.gq/2016/02/obat-kutil-di-kemaluan-wanita.html

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