Monday, September 21, 2009

Shine On Me

Fine, Internet. You win. I will never return.

107 comments:

  1. My eyes! My ears! Oh god my eyes!

    What is this? What website have I visited? Where am I?

    ReplyDelete
  2. The cutaway to the modern ship being scuttled is priceless.

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  3. Milli Vanilli ought to sue - that dude is totally gankin' their lipsync-spin moves ...

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  4. GAAAAH!

    I watched four minutes and seventeen seconds of utter crap! For you! Do you have any idea how many shots of shirtless Eliot you owe me now?

    GAAAAH!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sadly, I admit that I was sucked into watching this.

    I am not sure I can sleep now.

    ***shivers uncontrollably ***

    ReplyDelete
  6. stacey7:58 PM

    GAAACCCK! I don't know what hurts worse, my eyes or my ears. And I only watched 30 seconds. Was that Phoebe Price of gofugyourself.com infamy? I can't watch again, it will render me sterile...

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. Ah....Mr. Rodgers, I cry foul on your perpetuation of this monumental pile of bad judgement and confusing footage.

    To sum up:

    So....this is informative. Apparently balladeers from California have an obsession with Highlander, dragons, goth chicks, poorly drawn-on facial hair, 17th century french(?) towns, pyrotechnics, oh did I mention the goth chicks are witches or something, Norse mythology, an absolutely batshit crazy lack of any sort of linear story-telling and outright CONTEMPT for guitars (about 2:09).

    Who huffed paint thinner and wrote the shot list for that thing?

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  9. Was this directed by Uwe Boll? Was there supposed to be a story, or just random shots? How much did they have to pay for all the stock footage? Was the flamboyantly gay man with the moustache trying to save his sister or was she like Grace, from Will & Grace? And what was he trying to do to her at the end? Was it Zorro: The Gay Blade, Part 2, or a new Lord of the Rings sequel in which Legolas' gay lover exacts revenge on his former lover, Sallah, from Indiana Jones- who for contractual reasons, could not appear? I'm intrigued....

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  10. /blink

    /blink

    Wait, what?

    ReplyDelete
  11. My eyes. My ears.

    Was that the new version of Rickrolling?

    Do you have any idea how many shots of shirtless Eliot you owe me now?

    I second that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This begs for a literal video version.

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  13. Why do you hate happiness, and why must you destroy it in all of those around you by inflicting this on an unsuspecting audience?

    My only consolation is the watch-the-trainwreck paralysis was shaken off before it got very far in, and I was able to hit the pause button before my eyes and ears went into open revolt.

    You are a bad, bad man.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Make that shirtless wet Eliot!

    I … I … there just are no words.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous8:34 PM

    Oh...my...God...

    As much as I love the Lord of the Rings film, I think Peter Jackson needs to go door to door to apologize for making that possible. Not withstanding the hot girls in full body latex, that was appalling.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous8:42 PM

    That is one ugly ass green guitar, and there is no Eliot. Try again.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Is this your way of trying to distract (or distress) us from the fact that you have questions to answer?

    Not working

    ICKY

    ReplyDelete
  18. Read the sidebar on YouTube.

    The.
    First.
    In.
    A.
    TRILOGY.
    Of.
    Videos.

    TRI.
    LO.
    GY.

    I don't know exactly what it is that Christian Deprogrammers use to drive the Gay Demons out, but I'm pretty sure this is the exact opposite of that.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This looked really expensive. Did some billionaire need a tax deduction or something?

    ReplyDelete
  20. The.
    First.
    In.
    A.
    TRILOGY.
    Of.
    Videos.

    TRI.
    LO.
    GY.


    Oh Lord, please say you're kidding me.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I know... This is a thinly veiled attempt at foreshadowing, right? The group is going to run a con on the publishers and artistic directors of some literary giant that creates Historical Romances because they are cheating the writer and her husband (who poses for the book covers.) And Eliot will play the cover model for the bodice-ripper?

    Tell the truth - you've been showing this to Christian to psyche him up for the role. Waiting until he finally, in a moment of stupor (after watching this 500+ times,) yells, "I can do that so much better!

    Michael the G - you left out the POTC shot.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I applaud your effort to make me click on a YouTube video, sir, but after years of experience with Warren Ellis and his brand of WTF-ness, I know better. Better luck next time ;)

    ReplyDelete
  23. So this is completely off subject from this post, but did I just miss the post where he answered questions from episode 207??

    ReplyDelete
  24. biff30009:47 PM

    Meh. I prefer Ann Coulter's later work.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well, you have to admire his moxie. Chris Dane Owens made this video, a deliberate mishmash of every popular sword & sorcery cliche out there, and it did what it was meant to do: make him an instant star.

    Read all about it at http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2008/12/an-internet-sta.html

    ReplyDelete
  26. OMG! My eyes and ears are bleeding!
    That was just alkdjsfjklsfj!AWEFUL!

    I need some brain bleach.

    ReplyDelete
  27. What? This video is awesome. Especially the crocodile, and when he apparently blows up a whole ship with a swing of his sword.

    I'm just annoyed that Chris seems to be dragging his heels on making a sequel. This has to be a year old by now.

    ReplyDelete
  28. 1: Clip the covers off of 375 mediocre fantasy novels.

    2: Put them all in a blender.

    3: Your storyboard is now complete! Congratulations! You may commence shooting!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous1:26 AM

    First we had Derren Brown trying to stick us to our seats. Now you're trying to make us all heave en masse!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm calling my lawyer. Dude totally stole that from a script I wrote.

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  31. forget naked elliot.

    you owe us naked sophie, parker AND the new chick, whatever her name was again.

    and, in a way, this is worse than ANY link Warren Ellis served up with a "what is best in life, Conan?" tagline.

    ReplyDelete
  32. adc19666:56 AM

    Ronnie James Dio, circa 1983, just sent this guy a cease-and-desist.

    ReplyDelete
  33. this was pure win. srs videos are srs.

    the only true failing of this video was too many mtv quick shots of goth chotties.

    i'll tolerate that in an interesting song like 'gorbichove!' but not from this claptrap.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm having dawn of MTV flashbacks...


    Putinesi- a less difficult Russian leader.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Watching this I felt like I had fallen through a time warp and it was 1982 again. For instance when you have the three-way split screen sections coming in one at a time, it's a real MacGyver moment.

    And of course, someone has been watching Ladyhawke way too much. But they only kept the bad parts. And listening to the soundtrack.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Aaah!!!
    It's back! Oh god, why?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Can't.. Look... away...

    HELP!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous8:33 AM

    Actually, this shouldn't come as a huge surprise. This is exactly what you get when nerdy D&D fanatics grow up and get to make their own music video and do whatever they want. See also The Chronicles of Riddick...

    ReplyDelete
  39. forget naked elliot.

    Look, hosehead, I'm in a fragile emotional state and I do NOT need to deal with some selfish wanker sacrificing my recovery for his own indulgence, especially since there's no reason we can't have naked everybody, although given the FCC and the inevitable camera angles/prop placement, I will derive far more satisfaction The Nudist Job than you can ever hope for. So there.

    Looking forward to The Chippendales Job, The Ditchdigger Job and The Really Hungry Moth Job.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Fine, Internet. You win. I will never return.

    AUGH. What am I supposed to do? I work there!

    ReplyDelete
  41. @ChelseaNH, don't forget the Rodeo Job.

    For this offense, Rogers TOTALLY owes us Eliot in chaps and spurs! (And as little else as possible.)

    (And, for the boys, Parker, Sophie and Tara in rhinestones and Daisy Dukes.)

    Oh, God, it burns. IT BURNS!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I'm pretty sure this is contagious, so we should all visit a doctor for a shot of penicillin or something.

    GAAAAAAAAA!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Mooney12:21 PM

    God damn it, Rogers.

    ReplyDelete
  44. What ever it is you're smoking, can i have some please?

    ReplyDelete
  45. God that music sucked.

    But I must admit, I'd be tempted to watch the movie once it comes out on Net Flix. I have very low standards when it comes to fantasy. Add goth chicks and I'm there.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Y'all are crazy. That video is made of awesome, and edited by the very hand of Ah-Sum, the ancient Assyrian god of things that are totally bitchin'.

    (Word verification word: "hanize." Verb. To make something or someone more like Han Solo: "Only by hanizing the hero a bit could this video get any more awesome.")

    ReplyDelete
  47. WTF?

    One, Europop. Ick.

    Two, Kind of impressive.

    Three, Ick.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Awww. I always get a little teary eyed when these boys pack up their dog-eared, Cheeto-stained copies of Tolkein, walk bravely out of their parents' basements, and go forth to make their way in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Oh, now, that was just MEAN.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I just laughed so hard I went blue in the face. Thanks for this. (that hair deserved it's own video.)

    ReplyDelete
  51. It was like a bad combination of LOTR, The Princess Bride, some Nelson videos from back in the day, and maybe a dash of Willow thrown in.

    I'm still trying to process the crocodile. And the dude with the gold mask.

    My brain hurts.

    My demands. . .
    -Naked cast. If that doesn't get past the censors, I will also accept scantily clad and drenched in water running around in slo-mo.

    -For you to pay all the bills for the therapy I will need.

    -Star wars themed episode! Nate as Obi-Wan, Hardison as Luke, and Eliot as Han Solo. Sterling could be Darth Vador. I don't think Parker or Sophie would make very good chewbacas by the way.

    Even then, it will still take time to rebuild the trust. *sniffles*

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous8:54 AM

    And yet, it's still better than the D&D movie.

    - PCat

    ReplyDelete
  53. WUT?

    ::DIES OF LAUGHTER::

    ::goes to rewatch:: =D

    ...wait I lie.

    ::links to friends first, then goes to rewatch::

    ReplyDelete
  54. Chris Kane could so kick his ass, sing better and ride off into the sunset so much better.

    Promise me he's coming on the show to get hurt.

    ReplyDelete
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