(Stephen Crowley/ New York Times)"Ahhh. Back on the grassy knoll. After all this time. Feels good."
Spell Name: Mind Control
Range: Line of Sight
Saving Throw: Will
"I'm pantless, fuckers. I'm pantless and high and there's SHIT you can do about it."
105 comments:
Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Level: Brd 1, Sor/Wiz 1
Your gestures and droning incantation fascinate nearby creatures, causing them to stop and stare blankly at you. In addition, you can use their rapt attention to make your suggestions and requests seem more plausible.
While the subject is fascinated by this spell, it reacts as though it were two steps more friendly in attitude. This allows you to make a single request of the affected creature (provided you can communicate with it). The request must be brief and reasonable. Even after the spell ends, the creature retains its new attitude toward you, but only with respect to that particular request.
A creature that fails its saving throw does not remember that you enspelled it.
Oh, you you broke it out old school, Thomas. I should have taken the time to check it out.
"...And there y'all have it, America. Now ya'll know the answer. The vice-president does shit in the woods. Thanks, Dick."
"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK."
"I saw something nasty in the woodshed."
"Dance, Monkey. Dance!"
"Don't mind me, just marking my territory."
John, for a film guy, you really missed it on this one.
Check out:
http://www.wonkette.com/politics/dick-cheney/dick-cheney-coming-from-inside-the-house-249370.php
for the YouTube video of this. It is... there are no words.
Summon Cheney
Target President gains +5/+5 (+20/+50 against Media) until end of turn. Country must sacrifice all Civil Liberties and send Constitution to the graveyard on next upkeep.
"Good. Good! Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you."
VPOTUS: protecting your peace of mind from pharmacologically-enabled tumescence since 2007.
Brian Q:
Awesome quote, but I prefer "All is proceeding as I have foreseen...heh, heh, heh, heh!"
Regards,
CHV
"Pay no attention to the man behind the shrubbery!"
Dick Cheney takes the BushBot(TM), provided by the Jim Henson Company, on it's first live run.
Dick: (whining) When is he gonna finish his speech already so we can keep playing Man-O'-War?
C-Span: I have to ask you, why'd you... wha... wha... why are you peeing... right here?
Cheney: What?
C-Span: I mean... why'd you pee right next to me when you could like, choose that bush, or...
Cheney: Well, this bush looked like I should pee on it. Why are you peeing on it?
C-Span: Well, no one was here when I chose this bush.
Cheney: Oh, so you get to pee on it and no one else does? Huh?
C-Span: No, it's just... I just...
Cheney: This your bush? You have a special bond with this bush?
C-Span: No, I just thought that...
Cheney: You the king of the forest?
C-Span: I'm sorry?
Cheney: What?
Cheney: You fuckin' tree-hugger. IS THIS YOUR SPECIAL BUSH?
[awkward pause]
Cheney: Nice pubes
C-Span: Um, thanks
(with apologies to Harold and Kumar)
1) Be vewy vewy qwiet, we are hunting Democwats.
2) While Darth speaks, the Emporer uses Jedi-mind tricks to convince the media that someone from the Death Star is telling the truth. "Those aren't the WMD's you're looking for."
"Soon...very soon."
Nyahhh, you're a buncha D&D 3.5 dweebs!
Where's the GURPS write-up for that spell?
* * *
Someone should check the spot where Cheney was standing, to look for charred hoof prints, or the sucked-dry husks of missing interns.
"Mmmblmm...should we be doing this right here?"
"Shut up and finish, Monica."
"But Mr. Vice President..."
"I said finish, Goodling!"
"You know, we should be able to find a transmitter that works from more than 100 feet away - OK, now say, "the Democrat party hates our troops." Excellent. Well said, Mr. President."
OR
Bush may allow Cheney free reign over the country's foreign policy, but he does have one rule: No "quail hunting" on White House property. Here, Cheney hopefully awaits Bush's permission to unload on a reporter or two.
What art thou that usurp'st this time of night,
Together with that fair and warlike form
In which the majesty of buried Cheney
Did sometimes march? by heaven I charge thee, speak!
"Ready...aim..."
Okay, one more:
"These bushes are absorbent, but they're nowhere near as absorbent as the Constitution!"
Come to think of it, didn't a young Dick Cheney play one of those creepy white-haired kids in the original "Village of The Damned"?
If so, he's obviously still got his powers.
...finds a convenient streetlight, steps outta the shade, says somethin' like:
"You an' me babe -- how 'bout it?"
Oh crap! Dropped the cue card!
The definitive caption is here.
I see some people are comiong back for seconds. OK, me too.
This is IT:
All Your Base Are Belong To Us!
>bowing<
Thank kew.
Unfortunatley for cheney advisors the simple instruction "Stand next to Bush" does indeed leave room for error.
"I'll not cheat this time Dick. Promise. You can impeach me if I do. Now you go and hide and I'll count to a hundred before I start looking for you. Yes I'll cover my eyes. I'm starting counting now just like my friends in Florida showed me to. 1, 2, 3, 10, 49, 99, 100. Coming Ready or Not."
"Oooiil can... oooooiiiilll can!"
Ack, which Bush do I pay attention to? Um... hmm... this one has pretty green leaves, and it's not making an ass of itself. Decision made!
Plan 9? Ah, yes. Plan 9 deals with the resurrection of the dead. Long distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary gland of the recently dead.
or...
...From all I've seen tonight, guns won't do any good. Clay's dead, and we buried him. How are we gonna kill someone who's already dead? *Dead*! And yet there he stands!
"Bet I could shoot him in the face from here."
Man and with Bush's negative Will Save Cheney didn't even need the Spell Focus [Enchantment] feat.
Don't you wonder why the bush is greener over here?
[Penguin]Gnuuuurgh[/Penguin]
"Bush started to regret his policy of funding the White House's toilets through Supplemental Funding attachments"
Dick Cheney, a shadowy lurking figure with no fixed address.
"Marco ... "
From the shadows, he waits. When the sunlight moves, he knows he can reach his target in one swift move and finally take his rightful place in the world.
Man, the President's poll numbers really are down this year.
"I think it's about time I started standing behind a different bush."
"Yes. Lure the Press closer my minion. Soon I will feast."
The sunlight! It burns us! IT BURNSS!!!
See Dick.
See Dick lurk.
Lurk, Dick, LURK.
The Shadow's power to cloud men's minds doesn't work through camera lenses.
What if I ask him to the prom and he says no?
Wow! You can't even see his lips move!
Next, watch while Cheney drinks a glass of water!
Dominate, Psionic
Telepathy (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Level: Telepath 4
Display: Mental
Manifesting Time: 1 round
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Target: One humanoid
Duration: Concentration
Saving Throw: Will negates
Power Resistance: Yes
Power Points: 7
As the dominate person spell, except as noted here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cip0jbZWzY
The video from this moment, to the tune of Radiohead's 'Creep'. Brilliant.
Better safe than sorry, just in case someone does indeed start beating around the bush.
Is that a streetlight or a UFO?
Why is Cyrano de Bergerac is always checked out of the White House library?
BUSH
The Cheney4000 is fully safe, people. All’s I got to say is Klaatu… Veranda? Ah, um… Nicotine… Klaatu
(clears throat)
Like that. Heh, heh. Safe.
Naw, Cheney just knows that Bush is about to have his Mr Creosote moment and explode in a shower of bullshit. He just wants to be out of the blast radius
Rook to King four.
"Why are you wearing that human suit?"
"Excellent, young Jedi. The powers of the Dark Side shall soon be your's to command. [evil laughter]"
"Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb."
"aaaaaah. whew. close call. Maybe I should look into those Depends."
"heh heh... see here, I speak into this... heh... you can't even see my lips move... now, now watch this... heh... push this button and he says, he says something stupid, right, and..."
US President Tim Kalemkarian, US Senate Tim Kalemkarian, US House Tim Kalemkarian: best major candidate.
In a bush, watching a Bush, be a bush.
I say ,I say Dick
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Bismillahirrohmannirrokhim ...............................
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