Wednesday, September 28, 2005

"Crystal Methodist"

No, I wish I had come up with that. The joke's taken from Jesus' General's comments section on this story:

Ashley Smith, the woman who says she persuaded suspected courthouse gunman Brian Nichols to release her by talking about her faith in God, discloses in a new book that she gave him methamphetamine during the hostage ordeal.

I am feeling seriously ripped off here. All we Catholics get is stinkin' WINE.

20 comments:

Nicholas Beaudrot said...

Wow. That's brilliant. I wish I hadn't seen it so I could say I came up with it. Oh well.

Bill Cunningham said...

Okay,

The bread is the body. The wine is the blood.

What part is the crystal meth?

The nuns didn't cover this in high school.

Anonymous said...

Gives a new dimension to the term, "The Rapture."

DJ said...

"Crystal Methodist" now that's funny. good to know the "Comedy fire" still burns so deep in you, but when we were growing up it was a good thing if all you got from your parrish priest was wine.

polymath said...

sure, it's not very christian to bribe your captor with illegal controlled substances.

but let's not forget a more basic fact: this supposedly pious woman, held up as an example by the fundamentalists as a godly influence on a violent criminal...this woman had crystal meth just lying around!!

evangelism at its best.

That Girl said...

It makes it very clear how a woman can actually stand to be a fundementalist. Not that Im suggeting fundamentalism is in any way mysoginistic, but drug addiction makes it a lot clearer.

Rogers said...

Best excuse for holding in a red state ever.

"This officer? Oh, I'm just keeping this around in case a large Negro accosts me. Yes, thank you. Yes. Jesus loves you too. Yes."

Anonymous said...

It's all the fault of Gerin Oil.

http://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/article_details.php?id=7036

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... looks like that didn't take.

Try the short one:

http://tinyurl.com/dlm3j

Naked Ape said...

Not that I am claiming to have invented the phrase, I saw it on a church sign while on a road trip once, but I did post a similar comment on an IIDB thread at 8:45 am. I would also like to point out that 8:45 is 3 hours and 15 minutes before noon. I would also like a pony.

BTW the sign I mentioned was on a Methodist church in Crystal, North Dakota. See here: http://tinyurl.com/as6ao

If anyone wants to contact the real Crystal Methodists for comment on this story their phone number is (701) 657-2371.

Cheers,

Naked Ape

Bill Cunningham said...

"Hope is not a plan."

Crystal meth on the other hand, now that's a fuckin' plan...

jackd said...

This story's local for me. Happened about ten or twelve miles away. The young lady in question was known to have led a pretty screwed-up life right up to the point where Nichols (who had just killed a bunch of people at the Fulton County [Atlanta] Courthouse) appeared at her door.

She'd been convicted of some petty theft IIRC, and lost custody of her daughter. Since then, she appears to have been trying to straighten herself out. This being the Deep South, she's been immersed to some degree or another in fundamentalist Christianity (e.g. Southern Baptist). It's not surprising that she'd interpret this wild experience - a whipsaw in one day from fearing for her life to being a minor celebrity - as a message from God. So she's moving ahead, and using the 'religious conversion' get-out-of-jail-free card.

Personally, I give her some credit for being honest about her past. On the other hand, I think her theology sucks, since it implies God allowed Nichols to murder several people before He arranged for their little tête - à - tête.

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