Sunday, November 08, 2009

"Say it. Out Loud."

Courtesy a commenter at i09.



I hate those goddam books.

89 comments:

  1. Oh, good. I'm not the only one.

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  2. I am happy to say that I have never cracked the binding on these - nor will I!

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  3. I admit I read the first one. After which I decided it was simply too ridiculous to waste anymore time on. I hope nobody expects me to ever watch those movies...

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  4. Finally, I've wanted to yell that myself. Many times I've rooted for the vampires, just because the people were so dumb. Nicely done.

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  5. Anonymous5:01 PM

    With all the over-dramatic hype for the crappy movie that's coming out next week- I'm glad that there's a trailer that can crack a smile on my face.

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  6. I LOATHE bad fanfiction for 12 year olds. Loathe it. That said, in the words of Andrew Futral, "Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity... Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend".

    Truer words were never spoken.

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  7. Anonymous5:22 PM

    You know, I still hold a grudge against G4 for killing The Screen Savers but this was great. I'll add it into my folder along with the Buffy vs. Edward vid.

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  8. Anonymous5:39 PM

    Not that I'm disagreeing about the books, but . . . . In an interview Lois Bujold was discussing how two different genre audiences take away two totally different messages from her work. She wrote that most mysteries are fantasies of justice, and SF&F are fantasies of politics. I think romances are fantasies of trust. Bujold is (IMHO) a really great writer and so she can carry both elements. Twilight . . . not so much. For a teenage girl figuring out trust is not trivial, so don't dismiss the finding the right boyfriend thing. Finding the wrong one leads to a whole lot of serious badness. Of course a lot of the trust fantasies in romance fiction squick me, and Twilight is right up there.

    I'm still trying to figure out spy novels, noir, and horror. Interested in any and all thoughtful opinions.

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  9. Calla5:53 PM

    Don't forget that without those terrible books, we'd never get these really funny parodies!

    Apparently, the REAL curse of being a vampire is having to attend high school for all eternity!

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  10. Hahahaha. And this, among many other things, is why you're my favorite.

    These books/movies are not only terrible, they are DANGEROUS. They are teaching little girls that they should be passive and submissive, especially to "bad boys", and completely erase their own identities for the man they "love". It's horrifying.

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  11. Anonymous6:38 PM

    Oh, I cannot wait to show this to my twilight loathing 12 yo son!!!!!

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  12. Anonymous6:41 PM

    Classic! By the way, when do we get to hear your full "Twilight" rant that you alluded to on Twitter?

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  13. Stephanie Meyer is the only author I can think whose books read like fanfiction of her own work.

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  14. I saw this spoof of New Moon the other day. It has an ad for fake engagement rings embedded into it but it's still pretty funny.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imOliUDsBmo

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  15. Last September I went hiking in the Olympic Peninsula. I didn't camp; I picked a dog-friendly motel in a centrally located town that I'd been to a couple of years back.

    And what town did it turn out to be?

    Pretty much every retail establishment had some kind of Twilight poster in the window. Some had signs claiming that "Bella shops here." And there was a special tour agency, "Dazzled by Twilight," the busses fans around town. I saw one group posed in front of the town's welcome sign.

    The Indian reservation on the coast nearby had a "Treaty Line" beyond which vampires were unwelcome.

    I felt obligated to send my nieces a postmarked souvenir postcard. But really, what I want to do is send them a set of Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. Far better books.

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  16. Anonymous7:30 PM

    I've never even considered reading the books or watching the movies. They seem very juvenile to me and I'm a grown up. I don't understand grown women finding interest in such crap but then I don't see the appeal in silly romance novels either. On the other hand, I did allow my 10 yr. old daughter to buy "Twilight" with her birthday money and she is reading it.

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  17. I LOATHE bad fanfiction for 12 year olds. Loathe it.

    So, are you saying both the Harry Potter books and the Twilight books are bad fanfiction?

    They are teaching little girls that they should be passive and submissive, especially to "bad boys", and completely erase their own identities for the man they "love". It's horrifying.

    It is horrifying. The thought that pre-teens, teenagers and young adults think the Twilight stories are "romance" is appalling.

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  18. Anonymous8:18 PM

    I felt obligated to send my nieces a postmarked souvenir postcard. But really, what I want to do is send them a set of Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy.

    Just had to say how much I love this.

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  19. Anonymous8:49 PM

    Why don't you all just go read another book and quit trashing Twilight. Thousands love it. If you don't...get over it.

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  20. Why don't you all just go read another book and quit trashing Twilight. Thousands love it. If you don't...get over it.

    Oh, it's not that I don't like it. I'm the first to say that it's a big ol' media market, and if you don't like something, there's plenty else for your attention.

    I think it's actively damaging for young girls to read them.

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  21. I think it's actively damaging for young girls to read them.


    Here here. Twilight is the only book in the last 20 years or so that I could not finish. If it was simply bad I could ignore it, but the message it sends is so harmful..

    That this series took off and His Dark Materials never really took off in North America saddens me more than I can say.


    btw my verification word Traingra, which made me think of a very disturbing new type of ED drug.

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  22. Is it just me, or was that Charisma Carpenter as the vampire slayer at the end? Cuz that would be hilarious...

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  23. Anonymous12:18 AM

    oh thank god you hate those books :D i'm very glad. real vampires do not sparkle dammit... that is all :)

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  24. It was Olivia Munn as the Vampire Slayer...

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1601397/

    Last seen in "Greek". She is a hottie.

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  25. I read them all, as they were recommended by a pal, and I don't give up easily! But I was alternately bored and appalled throughout. They're badly written, the underlying message bothered the hell out of me, and the final book was quite horrifying in parts - and not in a 'good horror book' scary way.

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  26. I tried to give Twilight a fair shake. I was introduced to it before the fandom exploded large, by a friend's girlfriend who was utterly obsessed with the books.

    Then the movies were announced... and when she was a few minutes late for the movie we all gathered for, I informed her, "oh man, you missed the Twilight preview, you might want to check it out online now that it's been released", she nearly collapsed -- literally -- from her grief at missing the preview. Let's just say she didn't paint a positive picture of her fandom, but to be fair, she's just one fan.

    So, when the fandom did bust out into a full-fledged phenomenon, I did at least try to read some of the books. I just couldn't do it -- even setting aside the dubious moral messages, the writing itself was just really, really not to my liking.

    Then the Rifftrax crew did a rendition of the Twilight movie. "Okay, NOW I can give the movie a try, I should be able to get through that."

    Nope.

    I can watch MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE without a thought. SPACE MUTINY, with its bad go-kart chase scenes and Big McLargeHuge? I could watch it all day. SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS -- my friends and I used to watch it on the holidays *without* MST3k treatment for laughs.

    But Twilight, despite the Rifftrax crew giving it a truely savage riffing, I could not finish.

    The point that finally broke me was Edward comparing Bella to "his own personal brand of Heroin." At that point, my wife and I just looked at each other, and turned it off.

    I tried to give Twilight a fair shake, because I find it kind of annoying when people complain about something they've never actually read. But Twilight... well, it deserves all the venom it gets from its anti-fans, as far as I'm concerned.

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  27. I am honestly kind of tired of hearing about how awful twilight is, either because it's badly written, damaging to girls or both. I dont care for the books so I am not about speak out of a place of personal offense, rather I just feel like twilight's damaging capablities to girls have been blown WAY out of proportion. How many of us liked stupid shit when we were kids? I mean I'll tell you all now, when I was 12? I loved sailor moon, I loved played with barbies, I dressed as a princess on halloween, I liked backstreet boys and Britney spears. I loved my little ponies. and I probably read a twilight like novel or two. I was really fucking girly basically. None of those girly silly things I liked at age tweleve turned me into some kind of passive over make upped body image obsessed adult woman today. Nor did they prevent me from also loving video games, collecting cars or climbing trees as a kid. As an adult I speak my mind and I'm a proud feminist.

    Honestly if we are going the route that poorly written YA novels about "true love" are bad for young girls then doesnt it also follow that all those media people saying video games are corrupting the youth and making them violent and social networking prevents people from making "real" friends in the "real" world, are also right? Yet most of us free thinking adults would say that it's bullshit fear propoganda or just old people who cant take the wave of techonological/social change going on. Yet Twilight, I've seen loads of smart people insist is so horrible and bad for our girls intelligence and their social well being. I just honestly, dont think so. At all. I think that's ridiculous in fact. and unfair. IMO there's nothing wrong with being a girly little girl and liking girly things. It doesnt mean you'll grow up to be barefoot and pregnant or a passive pushover. I know no one has outright said that, but that's what this boils down to. Twilight is read predominantly by girls and marketed to girls. How much stupid shit gets marketed to boys? Is anyone here up in arms over it? So why is something popular among young girls so profoundly unacceptable? I mean what message does THAT send to girls? That it's not ok to be girly and have silly fantasies like the ones twilight endorses? It's no different from a little boy wanting to be a superhero or jack bauer. What I'm saying is that you can hate twilight all you want, but at the end many little girls enjoy those books and IMO the best thing for little girls is to be able to make their OWN choices about what they want or dont want to read. If you guys are concerned about girls wellbeing then the way to help girls is not by panning twilight but by being the type of people who will encourage girls to make good choices, speak their minds and be themselves. That's the real thing that's gonna decide whether a girl ends up in a healthy relationship and life outlook. My family always told me to strive for the top and not to put a man before my own sucess. That's why, now that I'm an adult, that's how I'm approaching things. Because those outside social influences like family, friends, and school are so much MORE important than what your little sisters and daughters are reading during their free time. and That's all I have to say about that.

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  28. While it sure is fun to bash the books, I think it's also worth thinking about why they are so successful. This is a really great article about that. Worth a read:

    http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200812/twilight-vampires

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  29. Don't care for the books, never tried them, but I love Kristen Stewart to death. I'd pretty much follow her into a burning barn so long as she promised she'd be doing some acting in there.

    So I caught the first movie, and it was fine. I've seen a lot LOT worse. I'll probably stick with the films. David Slade is an interesting pick to helm the third.

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  30. I've never even considered reading the books or watching the movies.

    Lucky for you, someone was kind enough to shorthand the first and final acts of the trilogy for ya. Enjoy!

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  31. I work in a library and these books are the effing bane of my existence. I tried reading the first one. The prose was so wooden, I got splinters in my eyeballs.

    We saw the first movie, only because we made it tolerable by playing the riftrax commentary. Even then, it was a bit of a drag.

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  32. John, I'm curious, have you ever seen "Let The Right One In"? Comparing that with Twilight is like comparing "Knowing" with "Transformers 2" because they're both about aliens but I'm curious if you liked it or not.

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  33. When (essentially) Anne Rice made vampires into steamy sex objects for an army of strange people, it was very irritating for me. Being old school, vampires are monsters with the occasional exception nobly struggling to keep some shred of humanity. The Simpering Fang Groupies and I got into a ... spirtied debate or two when the undead intruded on any discussion of SF&F/horror stories.

    The great thing about "Twilight" is that it has split the Great Church of the Bloodsucker in twain. The "creatures of the night" scream and argue with the "sparklers" and all I have to do is just sit back and smile...

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  34. Honestly if we are going the route that poorly written YA novels about "true love" are bad for young girls then doesn't it also follow that all those media people saying video games are corrupting the youth and making them violent and social networking prevents people from making "real" friends in the "real" world, are also right?

    Strawman alert!

    Teenage boys don't play GTA and then talk about how they're going to go kill some hookers and steal a car. However, many of the young girls who read Twilight, do talk about how they want a creepy stalker boyfriend. So, yeah. there's a problem here, but it isn't the usual Blame Media game. This time it's not the medium, it's the message.

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  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  36. I found this fantastic summary of each of the books in the series by someone who was at one point in her life a Mormon. It's a fascinating perspective on the series, and damned funny to boot.

    http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html

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  37. Anonymous2:42 PM

    While conceding that Pullman is Shakespeare compared to Meyer, I have some serious issues with His Dark Materials too. As a card-carrying member of the Godless Conspiracy to Destroy All That Is Good And Decent I really wanted to like it, but Pullman seems to leave a gigantic hole in everything he writes labeled "PLOT GOES HERE."

    It's like he went straight from the pitch paragraph for a trilogy into detailed scenes without any stops in between, all soft tissue lacking any bones to hang on. It reads a bit like an extremely precocious ten year old telling a story using the venerable "um, and then…" structure, and I find that very distracting.

    I hate to admit, but I've had The Amber Spyglass on my ready shelf for months waiting for me to convince myself I care enough to dive into it.

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  38. So, yeah. there's a problem here, but it isn't the usual Blame Media game. This time it's not the medium, it's the message.

    I dont blame the media. at all. There's loads of things the media does wrong in regards to little girls but so far it doesnt seem to have an issue with twilight. I also dont think GTA is relevant here, cause that game is for adults. kids may play it but it's not FOR kids. If it was, the messages within it would certainly be no better than the ones found in twilight.

    Personally I wouldnt recommend a book like twilight to girls. but at the same time I dont see it as the "great evil" alot of people I am running into lately see it as. It's just another silly preteen fad, like miley cyrus, boybands, and body glitter. I certainly dont think twilight cant be harmful at all. but I do think that a girl growing up in a healthy environment, with a fair bit of understanding between fiction and reality, can read and *gasp* even enjoy a book like twilight without turning into a mindless boy worshiping drone. Is twilight a book that will help girls excel? Probably not. But is it really going to hinder them? I doubt it highly.

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  39. Mooney4:19 PM

    @Tai:
    "Is twilight a book that will help girls excel? Probably not. But is it really going to hinder them? I doubt it highly."


    That being said, someone saying "These books suck, I mean really suck, I mean are abysmally terrible in every way" repeatedly, even passionately, is not at all in any way the same thing as someone demanding that they get taken off the shelves and burned.

    Having our obsessions skewered, especially when they're obsessions as retardedly hyped and worshipped as this one, is ultimately good for us.

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  40. Alan Scott4:41 PM

    I enjoyed this particular analysis of the twilight phenomenon:

    http://www.esquire.com/features/thousand-words-on-culture/vampires-gay-men-1109

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  41. One more link to an interesting (and not entirely negative) take on the appeal of Twilight, courtesy of author Kit Whitfield:
    http://www.kitwhitfield.com/2009/08/innocent-libertinism.html

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  42. Lesley3:21 PM

    I can't believe that no one has posted Breaking Dawn: A Three Part Commentary yet, so I will do the honors: http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/2008/08/02/
    If you didn't make it through the books, she gives an amusing summary of all of them, but BD is really her piece de resistance. And if you work in publishing as I do and felt that it was your bounden duty to read these to see what all the fuss was about, this is your reward.

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  43. Doctor Jay8:29 AM

    I read the first one just to see what was stirring people up so much. I was resolved that if I was going to trash it, I would be specific. I thought her prose was fine on a paragraph by paragraph basis. Two things about it really bugged me though:

    1. Despite Bella being clearly a smart and capable 16 year old, there is not one sentence devoted to thinking about her future and her ambitions. Is that truly possible? Does she want to go to college? Beauty school? Become a logger? We don't know, and she doesn't tell us. I don't find this credible.

    2. Edward can read peoples minds. Everybody's minds. Except for Bella's. Wow, can you say contrived?

    I don't mind the conceit of vampires as moral agents. I kind of like it, actually.

    And the most human moment in the entire book comes at the end. After finding that Edward had "saved" Bella from becoming a vampire, Bella is pissed off and wants to know why he did that. Good for her, I say.

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  44. Anonymous7:12 AM

    2. Edward can read peoples minds. Everybody's minds. Except for Bella's. Wow, can you say contrived?

    The reason Edward can't read Bella's mind is because she doesn't have one of her own.

    My mormon mother LOVED this series for all the reasons already discussed, and then went on a tangent about how beautiful it was that Stephanie Meyer emphasized that "giving birth is the most important thing in the world, even when it kills you!"

    O_O

    /headdesk repeatedly

    http://headtripcomics.comicgenesis.com/d/20080505.html

    http://headtripcomics.comicgenesis.com/d/20080915.html

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