John: ... but the trick is to show the space once and then bang in on the close-up.
Wheaton: Because the CG won't hold up.
John: Exactly. Problem is you can tell these guys are FX freaks.
Wheaton: Just love showing how beautiful their CG and textures are.
John: They jerk off to TRON.
Wheaton: Well, what part of TRON?
John: ...
Wheaton: Because if it's the light cycle chase --
John: Okay. Good point.
Wheaton: And if you time it right, when the bike hits the wall --
John: AAAGGGHHHHH.
I did not expect he would win this round. I will reassert my conversational primacy tomorrow night. In the spirit of TRON and Will's latest column -- in Comments let's hear your favorite cheesy 80's sci fi flick.
"What do you mean Flash Gordon approaching?"
ReplyDelete"There it is! Evil, pure and simple straight from the 8th dimension by way of planet Ten!"
"Greetings, Starfighter! You have been chosen to battle the forces of Xur and the Ko-dan armada!"
[Sent by a mad pulp bastard who's been wrestling with a story and decided to wake up]
Battle Beyond the Stars.
ReplyDeleteWe all know it's better than The Seven Samurai and The Magnificent Seven combined, right?
Right?
I have a real soft spot for They Live...
ReplyDeleteI was going to say "Split Second" but I checked and it was made in the 90s it just feels like an 80s movie so I'll have to go with "Dune" for the neat way it managed to through out almost everything that made the book to fit the story into a film and yet somehow I still enjoy it.
ReplyDelete"KKKKKAAAAHHHHHHHNNNN! KKKKKAAAAHHHHHHHNNNN!"
ReplyDeleteBright light. Bright light.
ReplyDeleteOne thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires.
I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in 1518 in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am immortal.
Does Mad Max count as sci-fi?
ReplyDeleteDamn it, someone said BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS before me!
ReplyDeleteIt's not eighties, but seventies, but I believe THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR with Yul Brenner and William Smith deserves mention.
Ooh, I'll second They Live (if I'm not allowed Army of Darkness - she-bitch!
ReplyDeleteSealed with a curse as sharp as a knife, doomed is your soul and damned is your life.
ReplyDeleteI'll see you in hell, Banzai!
The Last Starfighter...assuming campy 80s fantasy doesn't count. That's a whole other list.
ReplyDeleteJohn, why you must write things I can't UNREAD?
ReplyDeleteDefinitely LAST STARFIGHTER, though TRON and THE BLACK HOLE are probably close behind.
ReplyDeleteKRULL, maybe, too?
"Megatron? Is that you?"
ReplyDelete"Here's a hint!"
I don't really know if this is my definitive answer, but in the early '80s my friend and I collaborated on a sort of one-buttocked comic book that was influenced in roughly equal parts by the Legion of Super-Heroes and The Black Hole.
ReplyDeleteBuckaroo Banzai!!!
ReplyDeleteA truer hero never walked the earth.
(or drove through a mountain, for that matter).
Quite possibly John Lithgow's finest role.
(Yes, I know Bill Cunningham took this one. Still a great movie.)
ReplyDelete"What do we do now?"
"We die."
Not sure if it counts, because it's more fantasy than sci-fi, but...(dang, it's hard to pick just one quote...)
"I took something. I can see things no-one else can see, do things no-one else can do."
"I come in peace."
"And you go in pieces."
"Well, I don't come from no black lagoon/I'm from past the stars/and beyond the moon/so you can keep the Thing/Keep the It/Keep the Creature/They don't mean s**t!"
Can't go wrong with Solarbabies...
ReplyDeleteHave to add, just slipping in during 1989...
ReplyDelete"I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire."
"And I'm 'Ted' Theodore Logan."
"And we are 'Wyld Stallyns'!!!"
Truly, Keanu Reeves' most believable performance.
Sometime in the early 90's my friends and I discovered Hong Kong action films and the wonder that is John Wu. We had written off most American shoot-em-ups as being lame Schwarzenegger vehicles. The action sequences were static and boring; the bad guys couldn't shoot straight and the hero would just stand out in the open, machine gun resting on his hip as he plugged them.
ReplyDeleteThen a clerk at my video store recommended "The Hidden." It redeemed American cinema in my 14 year old eyes.
"A murderous creature from outer space arrives on Earth and begins to inhabit human bodies as hosts. The creature seems driven to only do two things: drive fast exotic cars at reckless speeds and listen to loud heavy metal music"
I remember liking My Science Project (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089652/). There were a lot of bad 80s lightning effects, and I seem to remember a high school gym becoming a jungle. Or something. Good times.
ReplyDeleteBuckaroo Banzai is my first choice, but since that's been done, how about Earth Girls are Easy:
ReplyDeleteValerie: [Franticly to Candy] A UFO landed in my pool and they captured me but we made friends and I fed them Pop-Tarts and they're here now but Ted's coming home tonight so we've got to cut their hair.
Kudos for listing They Live, Highlander, The Hidden and Lost Boys.
ReplyDeleteDoes Real Genuis count?
- Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
- Not right now.
- A girl's gotta have her standards.
At the absolute nadir was one of my favorite films to hate, so awful I can't pull my eyes off it whenever it appears on late-night TV as it so often does: Millenium http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_%28film%29.
ReplyDeleteWho can resist Kris Kristofferson, naked boobies, mind-numbing dialogue and appearance by the cream of the Canadian film industry: Al Waxman, Brent Carver etc., AND a cameo (think it was his first feature film) by Kids in the Hall alumnus Scott Thompson as a button-pushing funcionary!
Oh, and Cheryl Ladd.
Big Trouble in Little China and The Thing. Both John Carpenter, and both rawk.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course:
ReplyDelete"Wolfman's got nards!"
[Not scifi, but hits the spot nonetheless]
Real Genius was my absolute fave, because I went to MIT, and my reaction when I saw it was, "I know these people." Buckaroo Banzai is a close second, and I've always had a soft spot for Tron.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm surprised nobody's mentioned the amazing Repo Man.
"Let's do some crimes!"
"Yeah, let's go get sushi and not pay!"
"Whatcha got in the trunk?"
"Oh... You don't wanna look in there."
Scanners. There is nothing to improve in that movie.
ReplyDeletemy fav is Dune. No contest. 178 minutes of awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't count Buckaroo Banzai because it was self-consciously cheesy, one of those things that I think was a bit better in the concept than in the execution. But Last Starfighter? Mix in one part giddy wish-fulfillment (all those quarters that you've spent on your videogame obsession will be completely justified once you save the freakin' universe) and two parts serious camp (Robert Preston as Obi-Wan Kenobi, sort of) and you've got yourself a winner.
ReplyDeleteI think Forbidden World (AKA Mutant) should get a mention just for the fact that the hero kills the creature with a freely-donated cancerous liver.
ReplyDeleteCan't believe no one mentioned this one: "Wake up, blade runner. Time to die."
ReplyDeleteBut it's not cheesy, so I guess it doesn't count. In that case - TRON.
"Life is a circle. I'm sure we'll meet each other again"
ReplyDelete"Capricorn 15's. Born 2244. Enter the Carousel. This is the time of renewal."
Do I really need to say that I think Tron r00lz, d00d?
ReplyDelete-- Jay Maynard, the Tron Guy
What's the watermelon for?
ReplyDeleteWeird Science and...guh, 3-D movie, I think it was called "Spacehunters of the Year 3000"? Molly Ringwald? I saw it when I was 16, very stoned, and *very* into the body of the girl I was seeing it with...:)
ReplyDelete(I'm lovecraftienne from LiveJournal, btw)
Also can't believe no one's mentioned Lifeforce yet, which is a movie whose audacity, whose sheer gutsy, willful ignorance of its own stupidity still blows my mind.
ReplyDeletePersonally, "The Last Starfighter" is one of my favorite movies of all time. But if I were going for cheesiness...
ReplyDelete"Space Camp"
"I thought you said that if we destroyed the brain, it would die."
ReplyDelete"Well, it worked in the movie."
"Well, it ain't working now."
"You mean the movie lied?"
Yes, calling it Sci-Fi is a stretch, but you asked for cheese.
Hello...Ice Pirates!
ReplyDeleteSpace Herpies
Q: Why'd ya paint him black?
A: I wanted him to be perfect.
Oh, and "The Black Hole" came out in 1979, but I'll let that slide because it was released right before Christmas.
ReplyDelete"FLASH!!! Ah-ahhhhhhh!!!"
Each film I would've mentioned (Banzai/Genius/Big Trouble) has already been mentioned at least once, which leaves me feeling pretty assimilated.
ReplyDeleteMy vote is for The Last Starfighter also, though I would like to offer a correction to the quote in the first comment:
ReplyDelete"Greetings Starfighter! You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-dan armada!"
There's never been any other movie that comes close to TLS in tone and style. And it features state of the art (at the time) CGI. Remember the Death Blossom?
That tie in to the theme of the post is why it's my pick.
I almost forgot....
ReplyDelete"Shall we play a game?"
Well, I have to say Blade Runner, though it's partsci-fi content and part my teenage crush on Harrison...DAMN, he was a hottie!
ReplyDeleteI regret having to go to IMDb for quotes, but...
ReplyDeleteListen, I watched four episodes of "Lassie" before I figured out why the little hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he rolled over, sure, he did that fine but, I don't think he deserved a series for that.
"I've heard all this before... in the human Taalmaan."
"Of course you have. Truth is truth."
"Return of the Killer Tomatoes."
ReplyDelete...yes, I'm fleeing now.
Oh..Cheesy! Right..uh...I have to say Buckaroo Bonzai.
ReplyDeleteI know it's more fantasy than sci-fi but seriously: 'Cloak & Dagger'
ReplyDeleteI loved Return of the Killer Tomatoes! I've always wanted to meet George Clooney just so I could tell him it was some of his best work. And they did all the pomo crap that Wayne's World did, but they did it first and they did it better.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am so relieved that someone else saw Battle Beyond the Stars (aka John Boy in Space).
But no Dark Star?
"I have another magic trick for you. Wanna see me make all the white people disappear?"
ReplyDeletefrom "Brother from Another Planet", John Sayles, 1984
I used to go over a friend's house in the early days of VHS and he had Flash Gordon and Tron on one ep tape. His sister would whine as we fast-forwarded through the former to get to the latter.
ReplyDeleteFlight of the Navigator was a frequent irritant from that period as well.
Sorry, don't have a decent quote from it, too melodrama, but Mr. Christopher Walken's Brainstorm. I loved that movie as a kid. And The Girl, The Gold Watch, and Everything. Robert Hayes finest two-hours.
ReplyDelete1984's classic: Night of the Comet
ReplyDeleteDoris Belmont: I want you home in 5 minutes after you finish work. If you want to watch the comet you can do it here.
Regina Belmont: Look, Doris. Like, I'm 18 okay? And I can watch the comet where ever I want to watch the comet.
All the good ones seem to have been mentioned, but I feel the need to point out the "Trancers" franchise.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090192/
http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=trancers
I can't believe no one has mentioned Short Circuit! Okay, it doesn't have quite as much cheese as the other flicks mentioned, but I also doubt it stands the test of time.
ReplyDelete"Hey, Laserlips -- your mama was a snowblower."
"Oh, my user!"
ReplyDeleteAlso can't believe no one's mentioned Lifeforce yet, which is a movie whose audacity, whose sheer gutsy, willful ignorance of its own stupidity still blows my mind.
ReplyDeletePlus: naked chicks. Lifeforce wins on that alone.
But no Dark Star?
That's '70s, not '80s. Great movie, though.
Oops, didn't realize it was 80s only.
ReplyDeleteAh well, at least the Beastmaster quote is still valid I think.
Flash Gordon, by all means. The costumes, the sets, the music, the acting (that delicious combination of amazing actors hamming it up, and hams trying to act). But most of all, the writing:
ReplyDeletePrincess Aura: Water is leaking from her eyes.
The Emperor Ming: It's what they call tears. It's a sign of their weakness.
...Yep, beaten to every movie I was going to mention on here. (I only missed being exclusive on Night of The Comet by a few posts damn it!)
ReplyDeleteActually, not *quite* sci-fi, but I retain a huge fondness for SpaceCamp - I had such a crush on Lea Thompson when I was six!
On a Tron note, I can claim a nice connection - a friend of mine was in it! Played one of the four main guards, though because of their design you can never be sure which one he is (though he's definitely one of the ones escorting Jeff Bridges to his cell)
He also doubled for Reeve on Superman 3 & 4, but I was the first person ever to ask him about Tron. I got very intense - his young daughter looked at me like "what the hell are you even talking about?"
Oh, and not sci-fi but on the scale...Labyrinth. "It's not fair!" - "You say that so often...I wonder what your basis for comparison is?"
OK - quote from my favourite 80's SF film:
ReplyDelete"I believe that self, that primordial self, that original self, that *first* self is a real, measurate, quantifiable thing, tangible *and* incarnete - and I'm gonna find the fucker."
And name one of the cheesiest:
The Humanoid. Terrible Star Wars ripoff with Richard Kiel.
"Come quietly, or there will be trouble."
ReplyDeleteNobody? Nobody?!
You people disgust me...
RoboCop's too high budget to be cheesy. Start putting RoboCop in here, and before you know it, someone's going to be tossing down "No, Luke--I am your father."
ReplyDeleteOTOH, RoboCop does win cheese points for its peculiarly 80s vision of the future. Remember the Jarvik VII Sports Heart?
On my planet, we don't say die, we say... HEY! NOT MY SHORTS!
ReplyDeleteI realize I am the only living being who actually likes this film (since the Late Great Jeff Webb died, anyway) but what can I say? Lea Thompson and Jeffrey Jones in the same movie? Jeffrey Jones as a Galactic Overlord? Tell me that doesn't rock. (And I will petulantly refuse to believe you.)
Oh, and Cat, that quote is from ALTERED STATES, which I just watched again for the first time in twenty five years. Whew. I remembered it was weird, but I didn't recall just HOW weird. Nor did I remember just how much of Blair Brown we get to see, and how frequently, in that movie. Which is very, very pleasant. Did she do a damn thing after CONTINENTAL DIVIDE?
ReplyDeleteTime Bandits.
ReplyDeleteBunnyman:
ReplyDeleteYeah, Blair Brown's still around. Although I think she does mostly theater nowaday.
And yes, all glory to "Altered States" A great film that get little love nowadays.
"This guy's a fucking gorilla."
First, kudos to Marshall for the "Life is a circle. I'm sure we'll meet each other again" quote, but cheesy 80s sword-and-sorcery, quasi-hero movies are coming up next.
ReplyDeleteBill Cunningham, I see your "What do you mean Flash Gordon approaching" and I'll raise you "Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!"
No one has yet to give the following "awesome" suckers...like:
Yor, the Hunter from the Future, which could go either way.
Cherry 2000 - Melanie never looked better.
Space Raiders ripped off some Battle Beyond the Stars footage
The Final Countdown was one of my favorite, especially when Martin Sheen comes back to see the couple in the limo...
Wow... I'm surprised nobody's mentioned Starman...
ReplyDeleteI know we all try hard to forget, but what about Howard the Duck? If you're looking for cheese, nothing, not even a Terry Gilliam movie, can beat it.
ReplyDeleteIs Howard the Duck a favorite? No, but it seems all my favorites were chosen, including Return of the Living Dead.
Just don't think too hard about the end. That "song" still plagues me in my weirder dreams.
Bill Cunningham, I see your "What do you mean Flash Gordon approaching" and I'll raise you "Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!"
ReplyDeleteI'll see it and raise the stakes with:
"Bring me the bore worms..."
"No! Not the bore worms!"
I'm partial to The Ice Pirates. Obviously, it's a sci-fi comedy but what a strange one. This isn't Spaceballs. The world of the film is sort of fleshed out. It's great with a beer. Also, everyone seems to be watching Rollerderby on TV.
ReplyDeleteNo love for Howard the Duck?
ReplyDeleteNone at all?
No one loves Jeffrey Jones at all?
For shame, people. For shame.
Oh, crap. I just reloaded and saw that people are showing it some love.
For shame, people. For shame.
It lays a bit more heavy on the WTF than the cheese, but Galaxy of Terror is hands down my fave 80s scifi because... the whole giant maggot scene?
ReplyDeleteStones... stones, I say.
2001 for mouthbreathers.
Neverending Story and D.A.R.Y.L.. And that little boy grew up to be... Jamie Lee Curtis.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I'll say for The Last Starfighter: that's a movie that would've been improved by a sequel. Of course, I said exactly the same thing about The Matrix.
OK, I'm not nearly the first to this film, but at least I get to pull out this gem of a line:
ReplyDelete"Laugh while you can, monkey-boy!"
+1 also to Last Starfighter and Bill and Ted. And since I feel compelled to mention something as yet unmentioned (?):
"President of what?"
(So sue me, I haven't seen it since high school and IMDb doesn't list any good one-liners.)
High-five to anonymous for reminding me about D.A.R.Y.L. Not a favorite, per se, but it does bring back the memories.
Though others have mentioned them I feel guilty for having left out Weird Science and Real Genius, both big time favorites of mine.
ReplyDeleteSome have been wandering into the realm of fantasy, in which case Excalibur wins, hands down.
I cannot believe no one has mentioned GALAXINA! The Blue Star, the rock eater, the worshippers of Har-Ley, David's Son! One of the nearly perfect bad movies.
ReplyDeleteI'll see it and raise the stakes with:
ReplyDelete"Bring me the bore worms..."
"No! Not the bore worms!"
I'll call with:
"Klytus! Are your men on the right pills? Maybe you should execute their trainer!"
Even on different planets, steroids are an issue. :)
Oh, and who can forget Dolph Lungren..."I HAVE THE POWER!"
and Frank Langella speaking those immortal lines:
"Now I, Skeletor, am master of the universe."
"Sorry, don't have a decent quote from it, too melodrama, but Mr. Christopher Walken's Brainstorm."
ReplyDeleteHow about:
Hal: I don't want that thing, Gordie.
Gordy: Everybody at the party played it!
Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!!
ReplyDelete"Onward My Brave Hawkmen!!!"
ReplyDeleteI was going to mention Yor, but some brave soul beat me to it.
Also, the 80s Dune was one of the worst movies of all time. To truly understand its awfulness, you needed to see it in a theater on opening weekend. At the screening I saw, HALF the audience had walked out by the end. People booed and threw things at the screen when Sting got killed, because they hated Kyle Maclachlan so much. I've never seen an audience so filled with hatred.
I gotta echo "Big Trouble in Little China." It was about the stupidest movie I ever liked.
ReplyDeleteAlso, mad props to whoever first mentioned "Repo Man." It seems like I pick out something new every time I see that one.
I just asked my roommate to name one off of the top of my head. He came up with "Transylvania 6-5000."
... damn ...
Now I have to recall all those adolescent fantasies involving Geena Davis in that vampire costume.
I don't know if anyone has said this, but... The Last Starfighter.
ReplyDeleteThe Wraith, The Last Starfighter, D.A.R.Y.L., and Electric Dreams to name a few. (I really wished I could have traded places with Virginia’s cello back then).
ReplyDeleteAt the top of the heap, David Cronenberg’s, Scanners. To this day it baffles me how a film could be so cheesy and sublimely terrifying all at the same time.
Allright, so it's not strictly sci-fi
ReplyDeleteBut "The Warriors"
"Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours... if you can count!"
More alternate present in a late seventies sort of way. But damn what a movie.
THE WARRIORS ain't chessy, neither is BLADE RUNNER.
ReplyDeleteYou people disgust me...
here's a vote for spaceballs, mel brooks' sci-fi parody.
ReplyDeleteSpace Hunter : Adventures in the Forbidden Zone. Molly Ringwald.
ReplyDeleteI also liked Ice Pirates in spite of myself.
*90* comments
ReplyDelete>>jaw drops<<
Here's a nomination for From Beyond - 'humans are such easy prey'
ReplyDeleteand another Lovecraft adaptation from Yuzna: The Re-Animator
Bart
Night of the Comet
ReplyDeleteSamantha: Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.
Regina: C'mon Hector, the MAC-10 submachine gun was practically designed for housewives.
Willy: Let's play a game, it's called scary noises.
OoooOOooo here's my fave quote from a cheesy almost 80s movie. Technically the release date was 1979 but it should be close enough yeah?
ReplyDelete"Son -- I wouldn't be Emperor of the First Circle of the Galaxy if I didn't have a few powers at my command. Imperial Battleship! Halt...the Flow of Time!"
I can't believe no one mentioned one of the all time best movies, "Enemy Mine".
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if qualifies here but to this day I absolutely love Heavy Metal. I know it's more a collection of shorts rather than a complete movie, but it ties together nicely and the soundtrack is still in my collection.
ReplyDeleteZeks: "That's good Nyborg man."
Another that I loved was Videodrome.
Brian O'Blivion: "Television is reality, and reality is less than television."
Domito
"This shall be cause for planetary obliteration!"
ReplyDelete"Aw, c'mon! You haven't even tried it yet!"
...and of course, totally blowing Dolph Rockhead's line out of the water:
"I am no longer a man! I! Am! A! GOD!!"
ShawnO Space Raiders ripped off some Battle Beyond the Stars footage
ReplyDeleteYou just solved a 20+ year mystery for me! As a child I SWORE that I had seen two movies with the same spaceships, but no one knew what I was talking about.
From the IMDB listing of Battle Beyond the Stars: Most of the model shots were reused in another sci-fi movie "Space Raiders".
I am not crazy! Thank you!
It's from 1990, but I loves me some Hardware.
ReplyDelete99 comments - and counting?
"Howard, duck!"
ReplyDelete"And proud of it!"
And in other realms of cheesy movies - "No Holds Barred", "Rad"... "Red Sonya", "Krull". "Short Circuit 2" and "Gremlins 2" soooo beats the originals for cheese factor.
Movies mentioned on this thread that I don't own a DVD or VHS copy of:
ReplyDeleteHoward the Duck
Short Circuit 2
The Warriors (which I love, but I've got a whole hewing-to-genre thing going)
The sad part? My movie collection is only the third dorkiest feature of my home.
Yes to ICE PIRATES. I love space pirates more than anything, but there's only one movie about them.
ReplyDeleteWell, unless you count ALIEN: RESURRECTION.
Which, actually, I do.
And I need to underline someone's nomination of EXPLORERS. Tiny little Ethan Hawke and baby-nerd River Phoenix, a random James Cromwell with like two lines, the inimitable and indestructible Dick Miller, and a startlingly bad and very long bit of was-that-supposed-to-be-like-standup-or-what?
But I'm sorry, if the first two-thirds of that movie don't make you happy, you were never a geek, or never a child.
Night of the Comet fan site at www.nightofthecomet.info
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ReplyDeleteHawaii warriors quarterback 2007 heisman award winner and top nfl draft pick plays with hawaii warriors. You can buy sports tickets for the hawaii warriors football games.
ReplyDeleteColt Brennan
Colt Brennan bio
Quarterback Colt Brennan
2008 nfl draft Colt Brennan
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Hawaii Quarterback Colt Brennan
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