Thursday, November 09, 2006

Purity Ball. I Said BALL. Singular. Geesh.

Pardon the downtime. As part of the liberal media, I was invited to the big "Terrorists and Sodomizers Victory Bash" and I'm still hung like an old boot. There was a moment when I realized, sucking back my fifth Stoli Embryonic Stem Cell shooter and doing Devil's Ash (that's cocaine cut with the ashes of burned Bibles confiscated FROM YOUR HOMES) off the asses of roofied veterans, a moment I realized "Hey, not as young as you used to be, this is gonna hurt,", but then Rosie O'Donnell and Neil Patrick Harris and Osama and Sadr broke out the edible burkas and assless chaps and bang -- everything else is a red haze. I was barely coherent enough to make it to Nancy Pelosi's Lesbo-Wiccan Black Mass in the morning.

Anyway -- thanks to Amanda Marcotte, your ewww factor for the morning. And I mean Ewww Factor Seven, Mr, Scott. A promo video for one of the Purity Balls out there, where

a.) Little girls dress up in prom dresses and go to a party with their Dad and swear to stay virgins until he gives them away to a man he approves of and

b.) Daddies promise to treasure and keep their virginity safe.




Sleep tight.

53 comments:

Cameltrooper said...

Haha. I had a great laugh with your post's intro there. Then I had a scary chill as I thought you were posting a NAMGA (North American Man-Girl Love Association) recruitment video.

At least we know Mark Foley isn't involved in this creeptacular endeavor. After all, its all about young girls.

Unknown said...

Dear sweet God in heaven, did you have to post that vid before lunch?

I especially like the musical soundtrack to this vid. It sounds like every training video I've ever had to sit through at work.

Anonymous said...

Those girls won't have issues later on, no.

BTW, can someone translate the tantalizingly obtuse subtitle of this video, "Memories Key to Captivating Beauty", from Creepy Religious into English for me?

Anonymous said...

Only, cfred, in that the adjective "captivating" stems, of course, from the root word CAPTIVE.

Someone please unreel the fire hose, because I can't find a shower strong enough to wash off the EEEWWWWWW.

"Daddy, is there something wrong with me? All my other friends want boyfriends, but I don't have the desire."

"Of course there's nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. That just means I've successfully rewired your entire psychosexual identity.

"Also, you're a lesbian."

Anonymous said...

All this father/daughter stuff, and "protecting" the girls (I won't even get into the squick factor of the teenage girl getting all her affection needs met by her dad's "godly love"). What about boys? Shouldn't boys correspondingly be saving themselves for their future wives?

Surely these godly folks wouldn't promote a double standard whereby boys should be sexually experienced and girls pure! On the father/daughter purity ball night, shouldn't there also be a mother/son purity ball?

Or am I just silly to expect any sort of logic, rationality, and balance from these folks?

Jo Belasco said...

**mouth hanging open** I couldn't even finish watching the video. It's a scary world, and I feel for those poor young women. I wonder how many of them are abused by their father's "godly love" or the husbands to whom "they give themselves as a wedding gift."

harmfulguy said...

Because somebody has to:

Some balls are held for chastity,
And some for fancy dress,
But when they're held for pleasure, they're the balls that I like best.
My balls are always bouncing,
To the left and to the right.
It's my belief that my big balls should be held every night.

Anonymous said...

harmfulguy:
You are a despicable man for writing that; mostly because you beat me to it.

waid:
I now have diet root beer dripping out of my nose after reading that.

rogers:
So, what, I didn't get an invite? I had my satyriasis strap-on, my P.A.G.A.N.-brand goat leggings, and "Free Kevin Federline" t-shirt all ready to go, too. :(

Anonymous said...

Ewww...well, I lasted right up till the ballerina. Major squishy factor.

What is up with these Covenant folks anyway? God/Allah/Name of your own major Deity here, gives rules to follow, and they gotta make up more?!

Some, not all, of the Christian Right, Neocons, have shown that they can't even state the Commandments of their God, (Colbert Report) and by their actions, they break them religiously. See Bush for many examples.

But Rogers...first you give us: Karma Hunters, and now this!!

(Wagging forefinger.) You bad man. Very, very bad man.

Anonymous said...

Mark Waid said...

Someone please unreel the fire hose, because I can't find a shower strong enough to wash off the EEEWWWWWW.
Yeah, I'm ready for a Silkwood shower myself, but I think some of those daddy's girls need it more than I do.

Anonymous said...

enlightenment:

Sorry, bud, you lost me on the 6th or 7th screenful of crazy.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty cheesed that I couldn't make to Nancy Pelosi's Lesbo-Wiccan Black Mass.

And the Squink Factor on Purity Balls is stunning. I posted that in both my Live Journal and in LJ's Dark_Christian community. Oy...

But it seems that Ted Haggerd's Man Ass and Meth troubles have shut down Jesus Camp.

Anonymous said...

I have mixed feelings about this. Yeah, I get the whole lap-sitting thing.

On the other hand, many fathers withdraw from their daughters about the time the daughter has sexual characteristics. This is bad for the daughter, undeniably. But I understand why.

I've had my own daughter sit in my lap and feel my own body have a, er, reaction. This is a very scary place for most fathers. It was for me. What worked for me was to ignore it, and the feelings, and the reaction went away. I think that's better than withdrawing from all contact with my daughter, though I can easily understand why some fathers might do that. Undeniably its better than expressing such feelings.

The relationship she has with her father is a woman's template for relating to other men, and to the world at large. If a father takes note that his daughter is becoming a woman, and becoming sexual, but still establishes firm limits and maintains respect, this will help her immensely. It's how a daughter learns that she deserves and can expect respect from an adult male.

I expect for some of these men, it's how they learn to give respect to women, too.

Anonymous said...

To Jay and Super Secret Squirrel:

I understand that sometimes the truth is hard to accept, painful and intimidating. This is one of those times, as it would be a hell of a lot more comfortable to think "foreign terrorists" were responsible for 9/11. However, even the most cursory of analysis of the "official" story shows the facts don't bear this out. The "official" myth is not only false, but IMPOSSIBLE. Laughably impossible. So much so that anyone with at least an elementary school grasp of physics and not even that, just plain old common sense should be able to see it is a pack of lies. I strongly encourage both of you to actually read (yes READ) about the details of 9/11, and you will very quickly find your government has been lying to you repeatedly about this.

Or, you can do what you apparantly want to do which is to be an ostrich with your head firmly planted in the sand, too scared (or intellectually lazy, or both) to look at more than the face-value "story" of 9/11 that the people on the idiot box tell you. This is very sad. This is what kids normally do when faced with bad news, not adults. Time to grow up. Face the truth like a big boy. You will be a better person for it.

Anonymous said...

Also overheard at the Pelosi Wiccan Mass. The second hundred hours of the new Congress --
• "Enjoy Christmas, Mackeral Snappers. We're cancelling it next year."
• "We're gonna recognize Cuba, then subsidize their sandwiches."
• "Free abor--no, scratch that. Forced free abortions. Abortions for everyone, even your pets."
• "Soros Brand Stem Cell Hair Rinse coming to a Rite-Aid near you."
• "We're bringing back the draft for the sole purpose of letting hippies dodge it so we can give them amnesty again."

Geosomin said...

That video is...wow...so wrong.
How are girls supposed to relate to men in any healthy way if not thru their Dad? I'm all for giving sex and sexuality a level of respect and not letting it all out before you're mature enough to deal with your emotions, but that video wierded me out and was so very many ways of how NOT to do that. How can anyone grow up with a healthy attitude to sex and your own body with *that* going on in your life. As a girl, may I say -Ew.

As an aside- otto, you made me spit coffee out my nose with:
"Enjoy Christmas, Mackeral Snappers. We're cancelling it next year."

Steve T. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Steve T. said...

[Sheesh. I had to delete and correct a typo even though I did use the preview button.]

Enlightenment, you're getting annoyed reactions here not because we're all metaphorical ostriches who can't stand the truth, but because it's REALLY FUCKING RUDE to hijack a comment thread on someone else's blog.

I understand that it's tempting. I imagine you probably have all that and more on your own blog, and that it's frustrating that the only hits it gets is when you check in yourself to see if anyone else has. But that's your problem, not ours. Deal with it.

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