Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Caption This Cheny Pic

(Stephen Crowley/ New York Times)

"Ahhh. Back on the grassy knoll. After all this time. Feels good."

Spell Name: Mind Control
Range: Line of Sight
Saving Throw: Will

"I'm pantless, fuckers. I'm pantless and high and there's SHIT you can do about it."

Monday, April 02, 2007

Monday Quick Hits

-- Blades of Glory: Although enjoyable, it's the first time I've said after watching something: 'You know what would have been funnier? More incest."

-- Geek Humor of the Day: The E-Mail Inbox of Star Wars Worst Engineer.

-- More Blue Beetle pimpage: Besides the nice folks at the Shuster nominating me for Outstanding Canadian Comic Book Writer, otherwise known as "Darwyn Cook's Next Award", the Something Awful folks handed us a Bessie for New Talent, and Newsarama gave #13 the Pick of the Week. Come join the Beetle Train. Which, despite its name, is not some horrible sexual game Warren Ellis discovered in the depths of a Bangkok sex pit.

-- Your Free Software Recommendation: Either VLC Player, which will play an media file on the planet, including that weird bit you picked up one night from space, or Foxit for pdf's. I finally got my home Windows machine running on all free/shareware software except for the screenwriting program, and it's just fine.

-- DRM free music on iTunes. This is kind of huge. Hopefully the days of the RIAA suing small children will soon be over.

-- Two words on a certain somebody's "stroll" through a Baghdad market: "Dukakis." "Tank." Considering how much I admired this man at one point, I'm just buffaloed.

-- Battlestar finale: Although enjoyable, it's the first time I've said after watching something: 'You know what would have been better? Less space-lawyering."

-- LOST: Expose was a genuinely fine, tight little piece of television (I will take my Rosencrantz and Guildenstern check now, thank you)-- which unfortunately only reinforced what a great show there is about Hurley, Sawyer and Jin lost on an island, and how sucktastically boring the Others plotline is by comparison. As ridiculously talented as the writing staff of the show is, I'm not sure "Hey, let's put all the angsty, brooding, annoyingly cryptic characters on one side of the island, and all the fun characters on the other side of the island" ... was the right choice here.

-- David Brin's blog has been listed. You're mad not to go.

Discuss, complain, backtalk. I'm going to look at DP reels.

Monday, March 26, 2007

GeekDad

I'm perfectly happy being the coolest uncle ever. However, if you are a Dad, and you think your kids would enjoy --

-- making their own 3-D stop-motion movies
-- capturing a spider-web
-- learning to talk backwards
-- seeing their drawings turned into videogames

-- then check out the spiffy new blog GeekDad.

Spec-Monkeys

Okay, I'm finally getting around to fixing the Sidebar. Email me at kfmonkey@gmail.com if you are one of the usual suspects -- screenwriter human who does not yet have a paying gig.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Writing: 300 and Viewpoints

or: Why does King Leonidas hate Private Ryan?

Kevin Drum mentions the weird schizophrenic nature of 24 today -- while Jack Bauer is a conservative torture lover's wet dream who does what he has to to keep us safe, dammit, the political storylines centered in the White House almost always show right-wingers as insane hawks or blubbery messes under thin, posturing candy-coatings of machismo. This more points out the danger of trying to read intent into mass media, than being representative of some fundamental schism in that show's writing staff. Creators are notoriously tunnel-visioned. They have an idea that intrigues them, they pursue it, and many of the accompanying details are so much background music. The audience, however, takes in the work as a whole and strives to create coherence. This is particularly treacherous in television, where the simple feat of getting 22 hours of the bastard to air is the miraculous bit. That all 1,320 minutes be what you intended is impossible.

Watching 300 today, I was struck by ludicrousness of trying to find a single, unifying political or even moral idea in the film. Zach Snyder wanted to shoot the comic, he wanted to fry your brains with pictures. And did so -- kudos to Zack. One can argue Frank Miller has either become a typical post 9/11 chest-beater or that he's always been so but he's forgotten what irony is. His misogyny, of course, has become a feature not a bug. But his religion, his core political/personal framework is not conservative or liberal. It is for the lack of a better term manly anti-authoritarianism. Man the fuck up and do the manly thing, men. Sometimes, as when Batman kicks the high holy snot out of Superman in The Dark Night Returns, this means fighting the very embodiment of stereotypical American virtue. Sometimes, as in 300, this means celebrating what are plainly American proxies going and kicking the high holy snot out of the darkies. (Weirdly, there's a strain of authoritarianism in the writing, too -- always an ur-man, a Batman or Leonidas who we would be blessed to follow. Always looking for a fuhrer or a king...) But what surprised me the most, while watching the movie, and remembering the love heaped upon it by right-wingers ...

... 300 is startlingly anti-American.

It is so in a way that's illuminating for you Spec-Monkeys. What got me on to this? The scene where Leonidas and his ab-tastic Spartans run into some Greeks who've decided to tag along to fight for freedom. The Greek leader, Patheticus, points out that Leo's brought just 300 oddly naked dudes to war, while the Greeks have brought quite a few more. Leonidas points to one of the Greek soldiers. "What's your profession?"

"Potter," the fellow replies.

"And you."

"Farmer," says the next.

"And you."

"Blacksmith."

At which point Leonidas yells back at his posse, "Spartans, what is your profession?" And they hoo-ahh! like crazy. Leonidas says "Looks like I brought along more soldiers than you." Pretty cool scene, actually.

Now, what's fascinating here is to roll back our national mythos to 1998, to Saving Private Ryan. This is the definitive film capping off the Baby Boomers' guilty late love letters to the Greatest Generation. In one of its crucial scenes, Captain Miller -- Tom Hanks -- at long last reveals to his guys that he was a teacher back home. In almost every version of the Greatest Generation myth -- and let's be honest, that is the de facto American myth -- the citizen-soldiers, the guys with day jobs who leave 'em behind to fight and die, are the heroes. Even more, this quality of our warriors, their ordinariness, is not just a factor of our national identity, one could argue it defines our national identity. That we are not professional soldiers is why we're the Good Guys. From the Concord Minutemen to the accountants tossing grenades into bunkers at Normandy, the Unlikely Amateur defines the American hero.

At one point in 300, the Spartan narrator even tosses an offhand compliment to the Greeks. "Amateurs. They did their job ... More brawlers than soldiers." (I'm quoting from memory here). That bit of dialogue would fit perfectly in the mouth of the standard Dismissive Authority Figure in about a thousand American movies, who will Soon Be Proven Wrong. You can, in fact, take that scene with Leonidas, drop it into a movie about these brave, untrained Greeks trudging off to fight a war, classic underdog hero story, and you can do so without changing a single word.

Simply, the heroes of 300 heap an enormous amount of scorn on the heroic tradition of America. In the world of 300, Captain Miller, the boys of Easy Company, the Band of Brothers, are fucking saps.

There's a similarly fascinating scene -- from a screenwriting standpoint -- when Leonidas meets the scorned humback who desperately wants to be Spartan. He's got the uniform and everything. Leonidas patiently explains to the humpback that he may have a lot of spirit, but he just isn't big and fast enough to play their Spartan games. If, however, he wants to tend the wounded or carry water, that's right, be the Water Boy ...

... for Notre Dame, sure, but there's no way you can ever play, Rudy. You're just too small. Again, this scene could play in countless American movies, with Leonidas as the antagonist, and barely a word changes. Another defining staple of the American myth, the Little Guy who Overcomes the Odds, gets pissed on. For God's sake, at one point the bad Spartan, Sellouticus, even taunts the Queen by saying "All men are not born equal, that's the Spartan belief." And these are the good guys. Wow.

On the other hand, the independent hero, the guy willing to risk it all and die for freedom, that's classic Americana. To have both in the same movie is whiplash-inducing.

Aside from the interesting exercises in screenwriting analysis, the movable feast conservatives make of movies every year, movies with wildly divergent themes, may be illustrative. From Saving Private Ryan to Lord of the Rings (the point of LotR is not Aragorn uniting the West, it's that the unlikely hobbits nuke Sauron, you idiots), to the various reads on Star Wars to 300, there is no unifying idea but one ...

... We gotta get off our asses and kill some people!

Sometimes reluctantly, sometimes nobly, but let's get to manning the fuck up and doing manly things! By "manliness" I use the same definition of a completely insecure white dude in a suit: other people fighting and dying so he can write about how important fighting and dying is. I think fighting and dying for a cause is noble, too. But it ought to be lower than number three on the list of spiffy things to do. At the very least, I'm certainly not going to have a hard-on while I'm discussing it. I would certainly see the hypocrisy of supporting the guy who lands on the aircraft carrier dressed up like Leonidas, pretending to be Leonidas. Let's just say, when you're rooting for the guys who don't believe All Men Are Created Equal, who would laugh at and mock the Band of Brothers or the Happy Few, you may want to rethink what America means to you.

That said, I liked the movie. But I went in with different needs. I don't need or want a king, or metaphors to help me convince my fellow citizens that another Great War is upon us, that we're just as special as the Greatest Generation and it's time to send more under-armed Tennessee National Guardsmen to fight Xerxes while I cash my think-tank check. I just needed two hours of entertainment. 300 got that job done.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Colbert Strap-On ... of JUSTICE!




You know, I've been staying out of this one, but White House spokesman Tony Snow said this morning ...

The executive branch is under no compulsion to testify to Congress, because Congress in fact doesn't have oversight ability.


Come on. I mean ... come onnnnn. They're not even pretending to give a shit how the government works anymore. Remember when Rule of Law made us different from other countries? Remember when it was the whole point of the goddam country?

My seventh-grade Social Studies teacher, Mr. Oliveri, is weeping somewhere. He made sure his kids understood "checks and balances." Who taught these Bastards in Suits, and where did they fail?

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

LA Times and credit to Kevin

Quick note -- the LA Times did an article on our friends at BOOM!. In it, I'm quoted briefly:
"Comics is not a genre. It's a medium," Rogers said. "What Boom is doing is really exploring and exploiting that."
I'd like to point out that this particularly insightful observation is actually BeaucoupKevin's. I quoted him and credited him, but that bit disappeared in the newspaper machine. For far more comic-y goodness than I'm ever capable of producing, read Kevin and his new webcomic The Rack.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Shuster Award Nom

I wasn't going to mention it, but somebody pointed out it would be good for Blue Beetle. The nice folks at the Joe Shuster Canadian Comic Book Creator Awards announced their 2007 nominees:

Outstanding Canadian Comic Book Writer
A Writer is someone who wrote a story that was illustrated by an artist(s). Writers who also drew their own stories are classified as Cartoonists, not writers.

___Ian Boothby for DCU Infinite Holiday Special (DC Comics), Futurama Comics 23-26, 28, Simpsons Comics 118, 119, 121, 123, Simpsons Super Spectacular 3 (Bongo Comics)
___Darwyn Cooke for Superman Confidential 1-2 (DC Comics)
___John Rogers for Blue Beetle 1-10 (DC Comics), Contributing writer for Cthulhu Tales 1, Ninja Tales 1, Pirate Tales 1 & Zombie Tales: The Dead 1 (Boom! Studios)
___Ty Templeton for Civil War: Choosing Sides (Marvel Comics), Revolution on the Planet of the Apes 2-6 (Mister Comics)
___J. Torres for Cartoon Network Block Party 22, Hi Hi Puffy Amiyumi 3, Teen Titans Go! 27-38, The Batman Strikes 23 (DC Comics/Johnny DC), Ninja Scroll 1-3 (DC Comics/Wildstorm), Degrassi: The Next Generation - Extra Credit Vol. 1 & Vol. 2 (Pocket Books), Love As A Foreign Language 5 (Oni Press)

I'm ridiculously flattered. Canadian readers can vote here, if you like. I just hope this gets some more readers for BB -- issue #13, coming out this month, is a GREAT jumping on point as we start the Year Two storyline. There is an interview here talking about the upcoming fun.

Oh, and I voted for Darwyn Cooke, by the way. Because you'd be high not to.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Writing: Arbitration Letters

One of the contributing factors to the brown-out here, other than meeting with producers to talk about casting, and selling the house and realizing oh sweet holy mother of God I don't ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO DIRECT -- is that I'm working on the arbitration letter for TRANSFORMERS.

For you Spec-Monkeys and the generally curious, the process of figuring out who exactly gets the blame/credit for a movie is actually pretty convoluted, particularly when a.) there are multiple writers and b.) there are massive amounts of money to be made. The main reason people want credit on a movie is not for bragging rights or employment; everybody in Hollywood knows what kind of writer you are based on your scripts circulating through the studio system. Which is the answer, by the way, to the question I get on an almost weekly basis in my e-mail: "How the hell are you still working?" Nobody in Hollywood blames me for CATWOMAN, because they all like the other scripts I've written. Particularly the unmade ones. Hell, I've gotten hired on stuff because of my early, unmade version* of the CATWOMAN script. So there you go. Welcome to Oddsville.

Credits determine residuals. And residuals, my friends, are the only candy we get in the studio system. We are way, way far down the line from box-office bonuses and gross points. The simple truth is that the massive studio films generate so much lucre in their wake
that even our shitty flotsam and jetsam residual deal, on a halfway successful film, is life-changing. To be blunt, after reading the shooting script of CATWOMAN, I was pretty dubious about having my name on it. (Full Disclosure: My name was one of the ones the studio submitted in the tentative writing credits. There was arbitration on the movie, but I didn't initiate it) But then -- and I am being brutally honest here, folks, you may lose a chunk of respect for me, if you had any, er, ever-- I thought about the two odd years of shitty, shitty development, weekly meetings with ungodly notes until finally they asked me to leave because I'd gotten too truculent with my insistence that if we made the movie the way they wanted, it would suck ... and I considered any possible residuals the bonus pay for that experience.

After all, how bad could it be? The shooting script was odd and kind of boring, but was it really that bad?

Talk about an object lesson.

On the other hand, said residuals are one of the things that allow me to match your donations to military charities. So, there you go.

What's the process? This is really more Craig's territory, but here's how I understand it. Shortly after the picture locks, the studio determines what they consider to be the final shooting script. Sometimes this document's provenance is pretty oblique, as pages are being rewritten on the fly, there are improvs -- basically, it's the text version of what you finally see on screen, using the pages that were the basis for what was actually shot. (In TV we called this the "As Broadcast", or "As Broad" for short). Then the studio looks at all the writers on the movie, balances creative inputs from various drafts with whatever internal office politics they have -- people will protest, but hey, we're not children here -- and they notify the Writer's Guild of the Tentative Writing Credits for the movie.

The Guild then forwards this notice to all writers of record, to see if anyone disagrees with the credits. If you do, you can ask for arbitration. The arbitration process is also automatically triggered under certain circumstances, as when one of the Producers is given a writer's credit. This is not always a Bad or Undeserved Thing, but it is a Suspect Thing, and so it's better to be safe than sorry.

At this point, the studio determines what it considers to be the documents of record for the shooting script's evolution. Submitted drafts, treatments, etc. and when there's original material, that's included. These materials are given to three Guild screenwriters, chosen randomly from an approved list that's, well, umpteen pages long. These screenwriters -- always anonymous -- read all the materials (poor bastards), compare them to the shooting script, and rule on what the credits should be.

If that form of judgment seems terrifyingly subjective, humans who run the Guild would agree with you. As a result, there are actually decades-old guidelines for not only how this process runs, but they also define various credits in extremely specific forms. That is, "Written by", "Story by", "Screen story by", and "Screenplay by", when you see those whip past on the big black screen, are all finely attenuated objective terms with completely different meanings. There's even a limit --recently added -- as to how many different people can share each of these credits.

Now the insane ugly truth here is that trying to turn the difference between "Story by" and "Screenplay by" and "Written by" into solid, actionable guidelines for the arbitrating readers is, well ... insane. Despite the best efforts of the Guild folk -- and I do honestly believe that they've done a pretty good job of trying to bang these rules out given the weird nature of their assignment -- the guidelines somehow manage to be both authoritative and vague. In some conditions a "significant contribution" is considered enough. In other places actual percentages of screenplay are mentioned, but the reader is then chastised about using too literal an analytical framework to come up with said percentage.

Ugh. And now it gets ugh-ier. Because this is where the arbitration letter comes in.

Each screenwriter then gets to write a letter, substituting in the anonymizing terms "Writer A", "Writer B" for our identities, in which we argue out how we interpret these objectively/subjective guidelines applying to the scripts in question, supporting the credits we think are fair. These letters can range from "I agree to the credits as submitted" to inch-thick legalistic opuses. The real thriller is that you have no idea what other writers are claiming. Some guys come on hard on arbitration because they got fucked on their last project, and now it's time for the hate to run downhill. So while you're docilely tooling along with "I think these credits are fine,", Writer F is crafting a footnoted fifty page on how you contributed Jack subShit to the script, and need to be kicked off the credits toute suite.

These letters tend to have a lot of attention focused on them, not particularly because they're so effective (at least in my belief) but because, irrationally, it's the one part of the process where you feel any sort of control. Some people treat it as a way to finally vent the various frustrations they've felt at the film development process. I've read arbitration letters that come off like debate team scripts, and I've read some that you wouldn't be surprised to discover were pages torn from a heartbroken stalker's hidden wishbook. This creates a horrible spiral, where even if you don't want to parse through nine goddam drafts of the project, you have to in order at least bang out enough paragraphs to lodge yourself in the readers' minds, to pre-empt some nuke assault another writer might be launching. And while the results from the arbitration process are generally pretty reasonable , every now and then some infamously bizarre decision will come down the pipe that's so disturbingly arbitrary, it reinforces the sense of panic and helplessness most writers feel ... well, every day-ish.

There are always desultory attempts at fixing the credits system. To be blunt, it's a complicated situation in an age of corporate film-making, with years-long multi-draft development. If I remember correctly, there were something like ten -odd writers vying for the credit slots on CATWOMAN. I don't know the answer, and I doubt I'll still be in the business when they come up with one.

Frankly, it's just fucking grubby. I mean, every screenwriter's felt like a whore at some point in his career. Arbitration is where we scrawl on the lipstick, tug on the stained minidress and entertain Uncle Billy's gentlemen friends from Russia.








*
the version where the final fight scene of the summer tentpole movie is NOT Halle Berry beating up a fifty year old cosmetics executive in an empty penthouse. For. Fucking. Example.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Yum. Crow.

FIVE YEARS AGO:

John: "I think you're a great match for Mage."
Young Director: "I love it. I'm a huge comic book fan."
John: "That helps."
Young Director: "I just optioned Frank Miller's 300."
John: "Who bought it for you?"
Young Director: "No, I did. Bought the rights with my own money -- basically harassed Miller into giving it to me. Just wouldn't leave him alone. I have a vision, and I'm going to do it. "
John: (chuckling) "Zack, Zack ... 300 is unfilmable."

Commence pointing and mocking now.