- Someone calls technical support; wacky hijinx ensue.
- Someone calls technical support for a magical item.
- Someone calls technical support for a piece of advanced technology.
- The title of the story is 1-800-SOMETHING-CUTE.
- Scientist uses himself or herself as test subject.
- Evil unethical doctor performs medical experiments on unsuspecting patient.
- Office life turns out to be soul-deadening, literally or metaphorically.
- In the future, criminals are punished much more harshly than they are today.
- In the future, the punishment always fits the crime.
- The author is apparently unaware of the American constitutional amendment prohibiting cruel and unusual punishment, and so postulates that in the future, American punishment will be extra-cruel in some unusual way.
- White protagonist is given wise and mystical advice by Holy Simple Native Folk.
- Story is based in whole or part on a D&D game or world.
- A party of D&D characters (usually including a fighter, a magic-user, and a thief, one of whom is a half-elf and one a dwarf) enters a dungeon (or the wilderness, or a town, or a tavern) and fights monsters (usually including orcs).
- Story is the origin story of a D&D character, culminating in their hooking up with a party of adventurers.
- A group of real-world humans who like roleplaying find themselves transported to D&D world.
- An alien observes and comments on the peculiar habits of humans, for allegedly comic effect.
- The alien is fluent in English and completely familiar with various English idioms, but is completely unfamiliar with human biology and/or with such concepts as sex or violence and/or with certain specific extremely common English words (such as "cat").
- The alien takes everything literally.
- Instead of an alien, it's people in the future commenting on the ridiculous things (usually including internal combustion engines) that people used to use in the unenlightened past.
The horror list is here.
This via Alex Epstein, who has written a crackerjack supernatural horror flick that he and his producers were nice enough to ask me to be story editor on.
Story editor? On a movie? That was my response. Apparently it's a Canadian thing.
John: Hey, I'd love to work with you guys ...
Teza (producer): Great!
John: But to be honest, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do as story editor on a movie.
Teza: As a more experienced writer, you get together with the producers and screenwriter, talk about the movie, places it can be punched up, suggestions for character beats and plot pacing.
John: Oh, we have that in Los Angeles.
Teza: What's it called?
John: Lunch.
The roundtable/lunch is a common ritual in LA. The Thomas Crown sequel will owe no small debt to mystery writer and all 'round cool guy Greg Hurwitz and others, who helped me with some heisty ideas while we ate lunch at Il Campinile. In point of fact, the opening of the flick comes from criminally under-rated director Karyn Kusama, who casually -- I believe she had a mouthful of bread at the time -- reminded me of a quote from the first movie which neatly, beautifully tied up the entire theme of the first fifteen pages. The only appropriate response at that moment is a mix of hatred and gratitude only other writers can comprehend.
On the other hand, if socialized Canadian entertainment wants to pay me for such services, I say onward comrades!
52 comments:
The value of our odd Canadian custom is that over lunch, one is less inclined to say "this is where your screenplay is broken." Whereas when someone comes on board for a story editor, you not only get their comments on what's broken, and proposed fixes, you don't feel guilty coming back with the next two or three drafts and saying, "How'd I do? Did I fix it? Or could it still be better."
You get what you pay for.
And may I say that John's notes were spectacularly good, the sort of notes which take you further in the direction your story wanted to go in the first place, the kind where you go, "Damn it. That WOULD be better, wouldn't it?"
In LA I hope they AT LEAST pay for lunch.....
So after the first item on your list, I assume that this series is right out then?
This sounds like a challenge. I want to see some stories with all 8 points in them.
Via the George Costanza principle, you should be able to write a good SF story by reversing the cliches possible...
For example:
CLICHE: "Evil creature kills lots of people; in the end the creature escapes to kill again; the creature is disguised as something cute."
REVERSAL: "Good creature helps lots of people; in the end the creature is killed or imprisoned permanently; the creature is disguised as something hideously ugly or scary.
Ack. "cliches possible" should be "cliches as much as possible".
CLICHE: "Person wants or wishes for something, and they get it without any trouble, but it results in horrible things happening to them."
REVERSAL: "Person works very hard to avoid something, but they get it anyway, and it results in good things happening to them."
You know, I think a lot of these reversals are cliches in their own right... But then again, there's no one "reversal" of such open-ended ideas. For example, in the above case, how about:
Person wishes for something, but FAILS to get it due to the genie misinterpreting his wish. This gives rise to a new area of legal practice, with lawyers drafting big, fat wish contracts setting forth the terms of wishes in densely-worded legalese. A huge scandal ensues when it turns out that a rogue law firm has been inserting fine print in its clients' wish contracts to gradually accumulate all wish power for itself, while sapping the power of the world's genies. A rag-tag band of lawyers and the one remaining free genie, his power rapidly diminishing, must team up to stop the firm before it's too late...
The spec fic market is chock full of folks who think they are the first to discover that amazing new twist on the whole Elf vs orc conundrum or that no one has ever seen that TZ episode where all of the doctors are ugly but the distraught patient is, wait for it, stunningly beautiful.
Many of them apparently like to write in crayon as well. Pity the poor editors who, DESPITE these very meticulously set out guidelines, continue to receive tales they simply can't stand to see for the ten millionth time.
RE: Story editing a feature.
WOW.
Dat sound like the life to me, boss.
I knew Canada was heaven. I KNEW it.
Of course 7a more or less rules out the whole of Terry Pratchett, which would be a bad thing. But generally I could live without those cliches. I suppose we are ignoring the "everyday object turns out to be special/magical/Transformer" genre?
Taking a moment just to point, John:
Tuesday night, I receive a phone-call from a co-worker, a big Transformers fan. He had to call someone to tell that he'd just seen the flick and, in his words, "...they didn't $*%& it up!" His enthusiasm encourages me, at wife prompting, to sneak out and see it.
At 1AM Wednesday, I return home, pumped full of adrenaline with a big fat Cybertronian smile on my face.
Kudos, sir. Kudos.
Of course, my problem with the list is that creates something of a misleading impression; it's not really that those ideas have been "used up" so much as it is that a lot of the time, when bad writers use those ideas, they don't execute them well. But the problem with that is that bad writers don't just write lazy stories using tons of cliches...they also manage to write stories that are bad in entirely new and different ways, too. :)
You are CORRECT, sir.
OTOH, if somebody tells you they are wildly unlikely to purchase a story containing any or all of the listed characteristics, your story about the bickering scientists who crash land on an untamed jungle planet only to find out that they are Adam and Eve had better be mind-bogglingly stellar if you hope to jump the hurdle.
(figurative "you," of course)
redjack, that episode of The Twilight Zone was just on yesterday!
Actually, I think a good rule of thumb is that, in general, Rod Serling has already done it better than you.
In other news, there are only n basic plots. If the good folks at Strange Horizons are so burnt out that they'll reject a story out of hand because its thumbnail description fits one of a pretty long list of general plots--instead of, you know, how well it's written--maybe they should consider a career change.
Sure, 7a rules out Terry Pratchett, (16a in the original list, our host seems to have misformatted it) and he's great by almost any standard, so 16a must be dumb. Likewise, 13 rules out "Office Space," so 13 is a dumb rule too, 9 is so broad that it includes a huge amount of stuff, and "Futurama" contradicted... pretty much all of them. So what? Remember that these aren't overdone sci-fi/fantasy plots; these are overdone sci-fi/fantasy plots in short stories. In other media the writer may be able to distinguish their own tale given room for a longer story and lots of other factors, but I don't find it that hard to believe that would-be writers have run the category of certain types of stories in one particular magazine of short stories.
Sure, 7a rules out Terry Pratchett
For a list of N rules:
N+1) Rules aren't for geniuses.
N+2) You are almost certainly not a genius.
For a list of N rules:
N+1) Rules aren't for geniuses.
N+2) You are almost certainly not a genius.
Heh, that's very true too. I was just trying to point out that the multiple people saying "Terry Pratchett did this and a TV show did that other one and they worked out fine, so these rules aren't all they're cracked up to be," were kind of missing the point. One problem with that logic is that just because something works in one medium doesn't mean it can be done just as successfully and easily in all other. Another problem, as you say, is that a really good writer might produce a really good story (or in a pinch, really original; as in, before it became a cliche) that breaks these rules, but that might just say more about the writer than the rule.
List seems reasonable to me--particularly given that the editors are entitled to their taste. The fact some stories make the cliche work doesn't change that, any more than "Well Agatha Christie did it in—" proves that whatever mystery twist you've formulated will still work.
My favorite Thou Shalt Not was from a couple of erotic horror magazines whose guidelines both specified "No vampire hookers biting it off during oral sex!"
Wasir atau ambeien adalah penyakit yang terjadi pada bagian anus, jenis wasir atau ambeien sendiri ada dua yaitu wasir atau ambeien dalam dan wasir atau ambeien luar. Dalam penangananya sendiri wasir atau ambeien dapat disembuhkan dengan dua jalan yaitu pengobatan medis dan pengobatan non medis atau pengobatan alternatif. Pengobatan alternatif disini salah satu pilihanya adalah dengan menggunakan tanaman herbal atau dengan ramuan tradisional. Ambeclear dan Salep Salwa adalah hasil pengolahan tanaman herbal daun ungu, kunyit putih, dan mahkota dewa yang telah terbukti ampuh mengatasi wasir atau ambeien baik wasir stadium satu, stadium dua, stadium tiga maupun stadium akhir atau stadium empat. Wasir berdarah, wasir yang telah kronis, semua dapat diatasi dengan menggunakan obat ini selain ampuh obat ini juga aman dan tidak menimbulkan efek samping apapun bagi penggunanya sehingga obat ambeclear ini aman dikonsumsi oleh penderita wasir yang sedang hamil maupun menyusui.
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Penyakit ini umumnya muncul karena penderita mengejan terlalu keras pada saat buang air besar. Dengan mengejan terlalu keras, maka pembuluh darah di sekitar anus dapat melebar dan pecah menimbulkan infeksi dan pembengkakan yang berakhir pada masalah wasir atau ambeien tersebut.
Penderita Penyakit kondiloma atau Kutil Kelamin yang telah terinveksi disarankan untuk segera melakukan pengobatan secepat mungkin sebelum Virus HPV penyebab kutil kelamin makin banyak berkembang biak di dalam sel darah makin lama dibiarkan akan memperparah kondisi organ vital karena kutil kelamin akan terus membesar sehingga terlihat seperti jengger ayam untuk penderita yang baru tertular kurang dari satu bulan biasanya akan lebih cepat ditanggulangi obat kutil kelamin Paling ampuh dari De Nature dan terbaik ada hanya di http://obatkutildikemaluan.blogdetik.com/ untuk mendapatkan informasi yang lebih jelas mengenai pengobatan kutil pada kelamin silahkan kontak langsung di nomer 0852 808 77 999 atau 0859 7373 5656 Bagaimana mengobati Ambeien itu sendiri. pengobatan yang terbaik untuk Ambeien adalah dari luar dan dalam sehingga Ambeien benar benar tuntas dan tidak akan kambuh lagi. obat Ambeien terbaik "Ambeclear dari De Nature" AlamiAdalah obat Ambeien herbal yang memang terbaik untuk mengobati Ambeien, dan sudah terdaftar di badan obat dan makanan (BPOM) dengan nomer registrasi POM TR: 133 374 041. terbuat dari bahan alami antara lain terdiri Daung Ungu, Mahkota Dewa dan Kunyit Putih.
cara yang alami menyembuhkan penyakit wasir ambeien secara alami dengan menggunakan daun ungu serta mahkotadewa aman untuk ibu hamil tanpa operasi cukup dengan menggunakan obat wasir herbal ambeclear terbuat
wasir ambeien bisa sembuh tanpa harus di operasi maupun injeksi cukup dengan obat wasir ambeien herbal ambeclear herbal de nature dari daun ungu serta mahkotadewa aman untuk ibu hamil
Penyakit kencing nanah bisa disebabkan oleh beberapa faktor seperti seks bebas, penularan, virus hpv, lingkungan, gaya hidup dan lainnya, Maka dari itu kita harus waspada dengan penyakit kencing nanah ini, karena penyakit kencing nanah sangatlah berbahaya, Namun untuk anda yang menderita penyakit kencing nanah, maka anda tidak perlu khawatir,
Berapa Harga untuk Obat Wasir Ambeien alami daun ungu Ambeclear – Ambeien adalah gangguan atau penyakit yang terjadi pada saluran pencernaan manusia
Bukan hanya pengobatan medis saja tapi ada juga pengobatan rumah alami yang dapat digunakan untuk menyingkirkan penyakit kutil kelamin ini. Intinya, karena kutil ini muncul di daerah yang sensitif, maka anda harus mencari pengobatan yang terbaik pada kulit Anda dan jika diperlukan juga dibantu dengan tenaga medis yang professional. Sebab dokter akan menjadi sumber informasi yang baik untuk mengobati penyakit ini.
pengobatan herbal
MANTAB * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
MANTAB * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***
MANTAB * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *******
MANTAB * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **********
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MANTAB *
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Kadang disertai
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Bismillahirrohmannirrokhim ........................
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Bismillahhirrohmaanirrokhim.... ***************************
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Bismillahhirrohmaanirrokhim.... ************************************
Bismillahirrohmannirrokhim ...............................
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