Tuesday, August 22, 2006

This is Technically Child Abuse


Still on deadline, so still linkwhoring. via both our old friend TBogg and the nastier friends at Something Awful we get the Armor of God PJ's. You know, God bless, and you're certainly free to take advantage of capitalism in ay way you see fit to serve your community. But don't expect not to get made fun of for it.

Yes, this is mean spirited. I am not a nice man. I'd think you'd know that by now.

The most interesting part for me is in the write-up:

"The whole Armor of God Pajama set will help your children to depend on God to protect them from their fears, doubts, and uncertainties at night so their sleep can be restful and peaceful."


"... depend on God to protect them from fears, doubts, and uncertainties"? Yeah, wouldn't want the kids to start early developing any constructive coping mechanisms for their daily life. Whatever happened to "God helps those who help themselves"?

You know what my Grandfather, a lifelong Catholic, once told me? "I believe in God. I just don't believe he's going to show up any time soon and loan me this month's rent."

I am paraphrasing. The actual quote is "I believe in God. I just don't think he's going to show up and kill those Nazis over there for me. So I'd best get to work. Hand me the fucking knife. No, the big one." But you get the point.

I will say, that fears, doubts and uncertainties at night are a problem, but really more as you hit 40 or so. I'll admit to some late-night panic attacks recently. So if they sold these in adult size, I would buy them.

And then have sex in them.

GAY sex.

I'm not even gay, but I'd feel obligated.

Seriously, now I want the adult ones, and I've probably pissed off the manufacturers, so they won't go for it. Dammit.

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awwww, c'mon, I think you can do better than gay sex to break these in.

I'd lend you my Groenendael, but she's fixed. And I'm not sure if the pajamas would fit her.

Anonymous said...

At first I thought the shield was only in the boys' PJ set, but the girls get one too. It's a pillow!

I can just picture Rod and Tod Flanders having a set of these jammies.

Really, these things are just asking for parodic elaboration. Like a set for adolescents that includes a Fortress of Purity Locking Codpiece.

Anonymous said...

Scariest Halloween costume ever! Those costumes deserve a condom snuck in with the snickers bar for extra protection.

Anonymous said...

Only one-on-one gay sex? I think it's a moral imperative to have an entire gay orgy in these. And videotape it. And post it to youtube.

Maya's Granny said...

Once upon a time I would have responded with "You faked this, right?" but now I have to admit that I can't doubt that it's true. The world is full of so many ugly things that this is just one more.

I'm for breaking them in with a gay and beastiality orgy in the middle of a mega-church on a Sunday morning. It would only add a small touch to the sacrelige already going on and it would be such fun.

Bruce Findleton said...

They got the hats wrong. Aren't they supposed to be tall and pointy, covering the entire head with cute little eye holes?

But wait, there's more:

http://www.armorofgodpjs.com/

DJ said...

It’s the great old joke. A man is in a flood plain and a major f flood is coming. But, he won’t leave because he is a man of faith and God will protect such a devoted Christian man.

A State-Trooper pulls up in his cruiser “I am sorry sir you have to leave a major flood is coming” The old man waves him off and says. Son, I believe in god, he loves me and I will be fine. The trooper leaves.

The floodwaters get higher. Over the first story of this mans house. A canoe shows up and they ask him to jump in because the flood is getting higher. The man say “Move on son. I believe in God and he loves me, I will be fine.”

The floodwater reaches the height of the mans roof. He is sitting on the roof. A National Guard helicopter finds the man and hovers over him and into their load speaker says “Sir, this is your last chance, grab the rope and we will take you to safety. The man says, “ I am fine. I believe in God and that he loves me, I will be fine.”


The waters rise. The old man drowns.

He gets to heaven.

He meets God.

The first thing out of his lips is “God, I thought you loved me? Why did you let me drown?”

God says, “Let you drown? I sent you a State-Trooper, a canoe and a frigg’en helicopter.”

Doc Nebula said...

Wouldn't Rod and Tod Flanders have gay sex in them, though?

Julie Goes to Hollywood said...

Are you familiar with Holy Toast? You can imprint your bread with it and, presto, find the miracle image of the Virgin in your morning toast! I think it makes the ideal gift for the right wing Christian in your life.

Anonymous said...

So let's say you're a god-fearing kid, and you wet the bed. Is that a sin? Or did you just make holy water?

Anonymous said...

Great joke! Thought for awhile it was something else. Oh my! Here we go again with sex thing being an obligation! For how many times should people be informed about sex!

Anonymous said...

Awwww, c'mon, I think you can do better than gay sex to break these in.

I think we've found the theme for the next Suicide Girls cabaret show...

Anonymous said...

Julie, are saying people can eat the Virgin Mary? That's just wrong on so many levels.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame that this moron wasn't wearing his God Armor™ PJs when he threw himself into the lions' den. They surely would have saved him.

Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention.

moleboy said...

Hm.
+3 Pajamas? Toss in a +5 Holy Avenger and I'm buyin'!!

Anonymous said...

I like how on the "Links" page of http://www.armorofgodpjs.com/ you'll find this disclaimer:

"Armor of God PJ's does not necessarily endorse the companies and institutions in the links below"

Because, you know, some Christian based companies and institutions just can't be trusted...buy our PJs!

Anonymous said...

I doubt it was the effect they were going for, but damn these do look like child sized Klan costumes.

Anonymous said...

And then have sex in them.

GAY sex.


you say this like it's not happening already.

Kelly J. Crawford said...

Is it wrong that, at age 38, I still have/wear a pair of those fuzzy pink PJs with the foot slippers built into them?

Anonymous said...

Those are klantastic!
I wonder if they're flame retardant, like regular PJs. I hope so, 'cause it'd be a shame if the little nippers had to miss a nice cross burning, just because of their PJs. I wonder if the same company makes adorable little child-sized burning crosses to go with the outfits.

Anonymous said...

Is it wrong that, at age 38, I still have/wear a pair of those fuzzy pink PJs with the foot slippers built into them?

i'm impressed that, at age 38, you can still fit into them...

Amandarama said...

Bah. Give me my Spiderwoman Underoos any day.

Anonymous said...

Kids in "armor of God" PJs: "Trick or treat!"

Guy at door: "Uh, sure, here you go, kids..."

Later, at home:

Susie: "Timmy, so what kind of candy did you get?"

Timmy: "Mom, what kind of candy are "condoms""?

Mom: "I don't know, Timmy - what flavor is it?"

Anonymous said...

So my thing is: why're they covered in English flags? I expect a certain type of patriotism from my crazies, so it's upsetting when they don't meet the grade.

Jambo said...

Dr. Dobsons replacing Dr. Dentons?

Anonymous said...

"... depend on God to protect them from fears, doubts, and uncertainties"? Yeah, wouldn't want the kids to start early developing any constructive coping mechanisms for their daily life. Whatever happened to "God helps those who help themselves"?


Just because a quote contains the word 'God' doesn't make it biblical. Granted, when it comes to depending on God, a certain amount of common sense is needed (eg. rent, Nazi disposal, middle east policy) - once you can tell the difference between God and a magical wishing well, however, I fail to see why faith is a destructive coping mechanism.

And to add a disclaimer, my only quibble here is the dismissal of faith as somehow being a harmful value. The pjs are still extremely stupid.

JUST ME said...

i have those pj's, man.


they keep me SAFE.

...and celebate.

Kelly J. Crawford said...

DAN WROTE:
i'm impressed that, at age 38, you can still fit into them...

I barely reach the 5' mark, Dan.

KJC (who pretty much lives in 5 inch Manolos)

Anonymous said...

"...inspired by a mother reading Ephesians 6:10-18 every night to her daughter..."

Have you read Ephesians 6:10-18? Some choice quotes:

"...For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places..."

"...taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one..."

Every night. Before bed. To your little girl.

Anonymous said...

What, no Broadsword of Righteousness? No Battle Ax of Piety?
What a rip.

Anonymous said...

". . . no Broadsword of Righteousness? No Battle Ax of Piety?"

They sold those for a while, but they were quietly dropped after the first few fatalities at rowdy slumber parties.

John Seavey said...

Pffh. I don't know why you guys complain so much--I think it's a good idea! I mean, it's not his best film, but anyone who wants to make Jackie Chan sleepwear has my vote, without question. (I presume the 'Drunken Master' sleepwear was deemed a little inappropriate.) It's a little unexpected from a Christian company, but...

...oh. Not that 'Armor of God'? Well, screw that, then.

42 said...

crap, those God's PJs clowns can't even fucking spell "shield" right. ten bucks the jammies are made in China of the cheapest polyester they could find.

Anonymous said...

These PJs make the kids look like England football fans. They are wearing hooligan uniform.

- lee

BoSox Siobhan said...

Gay sex? Pfft. I'd wear 'em to go get an abortion.

writergurl said...

The scariest thing... I have relatives who would buy these. Yes, for their children.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else think it looks like these two kids are heading off to bed together? I mean they are holding hands.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Rape Bear could wear a pair of these in his movie. (when he rapes the bus maybe?)

Anonymous said...

Setiap orang pasti sudah biasa mendengar penyakit kutil. Kutil umumnya berupa benjolan kecil yang kerap tumbuh pada kulit akibat kurangnya menjaga kebersihan tubuh. Ada yang tumbuh di tangan, kaki, muka bahkan di alat kelamin. Kutil yang tumbuh pada alat kelamin disebut dengan kutil kelamin (condilloma/genital warts).
Jual Obat Kutil Kelamin Wanita
Obat Kutil Kelamin
Obat Kutil Kelamin Ampuh
Obat Kutil Kelamin Tanpa Operasi
Gejala Penyakit Kelamin
Obat Kutil Kelamin
Obat Kutil Kelamin Ampuh
Obat Kutil Kelamin Tanpa Operasi

Obat Wasir Aman Wanita Hamil said...

This was a fantastic article. Really loved reading your we blog post. The information was very informative and helpful...

Pengobatan Kutil Kemaluan Ibu Menyusui
Salep Untuk Menghilangkan Kutil Pada Kelamin
Obat Untuk Kutil di Kemaluan Pria Ataupun Wanita
Obat De Nature Penyakit Raja Singa
Obat De Nature Untuk Kondiloma Akuminata
Mengobati Kutil Kemaluan Dengan De Nature
Obat Kutil Kelamin Dengan De Nature Indonesia
Obat Untuk Penyakit Raja Singa Pada Wanita
Kemaluan Keluar Nanah Tapi Tidak Sakit
Obat Keputihan di Apotik Sembuh 3-5 Hari
Obat Alami Untuk Penyakit Jengger Ayam
Obat Herpes Alami Untuk Wanita
Ciri Ciri Penyakit Klamidia Pada Wanita
Cara Menghilangkan Kutil di Area Kemaluan

Unknown said...

Jika berbicara mengenai pengertianya maka penyakit jengger ayam ini diketahui adalah penyakit menular seksual yang penyebabnya berkaitan dengan Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). Penyakit ini juga dapat menampilkan diri dalam berbagai bentuk, namun secara umum kutil yang bertumbuh pada bagian genital penderita berbentuk benjolan daging yang berwarna, dan terjadi pada sekitar alat vital. Siapa saja bisa menderita penyakit ini baik yang pria maupun wanita

Pengobatan Ambeien Wasir said...

Nuwun sewu kula bade nderek promosiuntukandayangterkenapenyakitkulitsepertikadasataukudiskinitelahhadirobat herbaldaride natureyangsudahterbuktikhasiatnyamantab!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

cara yang alami menyembuhkan penyakit wasir ambeien secara alami dengan menggunakan daun ungu serta mahkotadewa aman untuk ibu hamil tanpa operasi cukup dengan menggunakan obat wasir herbal ambeclear terbuat

Anonymous said...

wasir ambeien bisa sembuh tanpa harus di operasi maupun injeksi cukup dengan obat wasir ambeien herbal ambeclear herbal de nature dari daun ungu serta mahkotadewa aman untuk ibu hamil

Unknown said...

Penyakit kencing nanah bisa disebabkan oleh beberapa faktor seperti seks bebas, penularan, virus hpv, lingkungan, gaya hidup dan lainnya, Maka dari itu kita harus waspada dengan penyakit kencing nanah ini, karena penyakit kencing nanah sangatlah berbahaya, Namun untuk anda yang menderita penyakit kencing nanah, maka anda tidak perlu khawatir,

Pengobatan Ambeien Wasir said...

HeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHeHe

Cara Mengobati Wasir Ambeien said...

berhitung yuk......... 123456789101112131415161718192021222324252627282930

Unknown said...

Cara yang sering di lakukan untuk menghilangkan kutil kelamin adalah dengan cara pembedahah atau operasi, cara ini tentu memerlukan dana yang tidak sedikit. metode Pilihan pembedahan yang dapat Anda lakukan

Pengobatan Ambeien Wasir said...

wkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwk

Unknown said...

Kadang disertai
dengan sakit saat kencing, perih, organ intim terasa panas menyiksa,
gatal,..

Unknown said...

Sekitar Vagina Tumbuh Daging, Berbahayakah? Kutil Pada Kepala Penis mirip bunga kol atau jengger ayam, Merupakan Penyakit Yang diakibatkan Oleh Virus.Kutil kelamin, atau disebut juga condyloma acuminata, adalah kutil atau daging berwarna kulit atau keabuan yang tumbuh di sekitar alat kelamin dan

Unknown said...

Ambeien bisa mengeluarkan darah(seperti invander salim yang terkena ambeien dan mengeluarkan darah)

Unknown said...

Sebelum kita membahas tentang pengobatan ambeien, dalam kesempatan ini
saya ingin menjelaskan sekilas tentang ambeien, agar kita semua bisa
memahami benar apa itu penyakit ambeien

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

Bismillahhirrohmaanirrokhim.... ***************************

Reseller De Nature said...

Obat kencing nanah doxycycline
Obat kencing nanah di samarinda
Nama obat kencing nanah di apotik
Nama obat kencing nanah di apotek
Obat kencing nanah kimia farma
Obat farmasi kencing nanah
Obat kencing nanah gonore
Obat kencing nanah generik
Obat kencing nanah go
Obat gonorrhea kencing nanah
Obat gejala kencing nanah
Nama obat kencing nanah yang di jual di apotik
Tempat jual obat kencing nanah
Apotik jual obat kencing nanah
Apotik yg jual obat kencing nanah
Jual obat kencing nanah di jakarta
Jual obat kencing nanah di surabaya
Jual obat kencing nanah bandung
Obat kencing nanah kaskus
Obat kencing keluar nanah
Obat kencing keluar nanah di apotik
Obat kutil kelamin tradisional
Obat kutil kelamin
Obat kutil kelamin wanita
Obat kutil kelamin di apotik
Obat kutil kelamin denature
Obat kutil kelamin resep dokter
Obat kutil kelamin malaysia
Obat kutil kelamin apotik
Obat kutil kelamin di anus

obar herbal manjur alami said...

1111111111111111111111111

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

111111111111111111111

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

1111111111111111111111111111111

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111

obar herbal manjur alami said...

alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami

obar herbal manjur alami said...

alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

obat ambeien wasir paling manjur mengobati penyakit wasir ambeien tanpa efek samping terbuat dari bahan alami herbal seperti daun ungu mahkota dewa kunyit putih

Unknown said...

obat sipilis raja singa obat sipilis raja singa manjur obat sipilis raja singa herbal obat sipilis raja singa alami obat sipilis raja singa mujarab obat sipilis raja singa herbal manjur

Unknown said...

obat sipilis raja singa obat sipilis raja singa manjur obat sipilis raja singa herbal obat sipilis raja singa alami obat sipilis raja singa mujarab obat sipilis raja singa herbal manjur

Unknown said...

alat kelamin keluar nanah herbal denature nanah keluar dari kemaluan cara mengobati penyakit kencing nanah obat penyakit raja singa untuk pria keluar cairan nanah dari kemaluan mengapa alat kelamin mengeluarkan nanah gejala penyakit gonore pada pria nanah keluar dari kemaluan obat gonore kencing nanah ujung penis keluar cairan nanah kelamin keluar nanah penyebab kemaluan keluar nanah kencing perih dan keluar cairan nanah obat gonore obat penyakit gonore alami kemaluan keluar nanah obat gonore obat kencing nanah kencing sakit dan keluar nanah obat gonore atau kencing nanah alat kelamin pria keluar nanah obat penyakit gonore cairan nanah keluar dari alat kelamin obat gonore obat herbal kencing nanah obat kencing nanah di apotik apa penyebab penyakit herpes itu obat kencing nanah obat gonore kenapa kelamin keluar nanah"