Thursday, June 15, 2006

Amnesty, finally!

... for the millions of illegal but hard-working immigrants who work hard for little pay, raise incredibly assimilated kids, and pay taxes. Now they can begin their journey into American citizenship --

-- Oh, no, it's for Iraqi insurgents.

Um ...

... okay.

Just, er, on my personal list:

a.) Construction worker who pays taxes and regularly attends his local Catholic Church.

comes in slightly above

b.) Dude who shoots American soldiers in the face

in the Amnesty waiting list.

Just saying.

50 comments:

Christian Lindke said...

Amnesty for immigrants?! Heck, I'm just waiting for the guy sitting next to me at mass to benefit from OSHA protections without worrying about being deported.

deepstructure said...

need to add an "h" to that url link. don't want folks not able to read that!

nolo said...

Hey, the Iraqi government can grant amnesty to anyone it wants. Why's the U.S. Senate yapping on about it?

Ookami Snow said...

I don't think illegal immigrants are paying much in taxes besides sales taxes. A lot get paid under the table for below minimum wage.

Anonymous said...

snow, but illegal immigrants aren't shooting American soldiers in the face...

tommyspoon said...

So now can the myth about the GOP "supporting the troops" be put to rest?

Anonymous said...

From tommyspoon: "So now can the myth about the GOP "supporting the troops" be put to rest?"

It's the only myth the GOP has left. They'll fight hard as hell to keep it.

Desert Son

Anonymous said...

ookami snow,

Actually illegal immigrants have paid billions into our Social Security system. Even if you have a fake SSN# you still pay FICA taxes ... you just can't collect any benefits when you retire. In other words, illegal immigrants are helping to pay legal citizen's SS benefits. Check it out, I think there were even some statistics on it published by the Social Security Administration.

Anonymous said...

Excellent. Will the amnestied insurgents be getting their US visas, speaking dates in Congress and invitations to the White House soon, or is that treatment reserved for people who just shoot British soldiers in the face?

Justin Cognito said...

Hey, John; remember what you said earlier about what you'd do if you saw another "Rambo"-style movie ("Do we get to win this time, Sarge?") about this war?

Need help with those Nano-Bees?

Unknown said...

aluvius is correct.

and as someone who worked on the edges of the "soft" economy back when I was bartending and doing comedy, you saw a lot of it, including the little mini-industry around providing those fake SS# so they wouldn't twig a check. If I remember, one of the interesting things was that while the US SS#'s are structured around that first three digits indicating your state of birth and not much else, the Canadian Social Insurance #'s actually have an internal mathematical structure -- that is, you can look at a Social Insurance #, do a little bit of mathematic frippery, and instantly know if somebody cooked it up off the top of their heads.

On the other, other hand, that allowed some folks who KNEW the structure to generate long lists of faux numbers that would fool your local employment humans.

Anonymous said...

Here's another one:

Iraq. No weapons of mass destruction? Let's invade them!

Iran. They're enriching plutonium? Let's negotiate with them!

North Korea. Nuclear missiles? Leave them alone, damn it! These guys have the right to do whatever they damn please!

And the moral of the story is: the guy holding the gun is the one who gets freedom.

Anonymous said...

John: Hey, yeah, I didn't realize (or had forgotten) but Canadian SINs use the Luhn Algorithm. It's really quite simple, and it's the same technique that's used in credit card and bank card numbers to let them quickly filter out errors (and bad attempts at fraud).

It's really more of an error-detection method than a security measure; for any random sequence of numbers you can easily just tweak the last (or, first, or whichever) to make it fit.

Otto Man said...

Off topic, but CNN just showed a poll asking people whether they'd be more or less likely to vote for a congressional candidate if Bush appeared with him/her.

The "less likely" number, not surprisingly, was 49%.

The "more likely" number? 27%.

At long last, we have scientific proof of the Crazification Factor.

Anonymous said...

Hey, they're getting amnesty over there so we don't have to give them amnesty over here.

Shawn said...

Meanwhile, the moral exemplars that are the Republican party continue to support the terrorists--er, I mean our troops:

“I really believe we ought to try to find some way to encourage that country to demonstrate to those people who have been opposed to what we're trying to do, that it's worthwhile for them and their children to come forward and support this democracy. And if that's amnesty, I'm for it. I'd be for it. And if those people who are, come forward… if they bore arms against our people, what's the difference between those people that bore arms against the Union in the War between the States? What’s the difference between the Germans and Japanese and all the people we’ve forgiven?” – Sen. Ted Stevens

“…might it not just be as useful an exercise to be trying to pass a resolution commending the Iraqi government for the position that they’ve taken today with regard to this discussion of Amnesty?” – Sen. Mitch McConnell

“Is it not true that Nelson Mandela's courage and his ability to create a process of reconciliation and forgiveness was a major factor in what has been a political miracle in Africa…Did not Nelson Mandela, win a - the co-winner of - a noble Nobel Peace Prize just for this sort of gesture?” – Sen. Lamar Alexander

“It makes no sense for the United States Senate to shake its finger at the new government of Iraq and to criticize them… it really is a distraction from the debate that I think the American people would want us to have.” - Sen. John Cornyn

“Is it not true today that we have Iraqis who are fighting the war against the insurgents, who at one time fought against American troops and other coalition troops as they were marching to Baghdad, who have now come over to our side and are doing one heck of a job of fighting along, side by side, with Americans and coalition forces, attacking and killing insurgents on a daily basis?” - Sen. Saxby Chambliss

Anonymous said...

Amnesty for Iraqi insurgents?

Y'know, you Americans (alright, the President you failed to prevent the election of) invaded their country, bombed the crap out of it, killed somewhere between 30,000 and 130,000 civilians, and you act surprised that they're shooting at you?

Anonymous said...

Amnesty for Iraqi insurgents?

Y'know, you Americans (alright, the President you failed to prevent the election of) invaded their country, bombed the crap out of it, killed somewhere between 30,000 and 130,000 civilians, and you act surprised that they're shooting at you?

Words fail me.

Look, I don't hear you objecting to the post-WW2 French government issuing an amnesty for members of the French resistance, do I? Fine. So why do you have a problem with the Iraqi post-invasion government -- which is supposedly the government of an independent nation (albeit one with too many goddamn foreign troops on the ground right now) pardoning people who're defending their country?

Maybe you ought to think that particular position through a bit harder. Because, in Iraq, the bitter joke "we have met the enemy, and it is us" has never rung truer.


-- Charlie (not an American, obviously)

Blar said...

Of course there's going to be amnesty for the people fighting against us; that's how wars end. "Stop fighting us so that we can punish you" has always been a tough sell.

Anonymous said...

Y'know, you Americans (alright, the President you failed to prevent the election of) invaded their country, bombed the crap out of it, killed somewhere between 30,000 and 130,000 civilians, and you act surprised that they're shooting at you?

Surprised? Far from it, my friend. Many of us predicted it, and were quite vocal in pointing out that such an outcome would, even with the most competent of Administrations, inevitably result from invasion.

For our trouble, we got shouted down as traitors, as un-American, as "objectively pro-Saddam" or "pro-Terrorist," and worse.

Your comparison to the events in France during World War II are irrelevant for one big, big reason: we are still there, and hostilities have not ceased. Once we're gone, then fine, whatever Iraqi post-invasion government that isn't hiding in an American fortress is free to make such an offer. While American soldiers are still there, and still getting shot in the face ... not so much.

What's most galling about this whole amnesty mess is that Congresscritters, especially the Republican ones, see no problem in discussing amnesty for insurgents while flatly refusing to even discuss any timetable for us (the Yoo Ess) getting the hell out of there, or to acknowledge that there's even a mess to get out of.

Since you didn't preface your contribution with "Y'know, you Yanks ... " I'm not going to assume you're British. The Brits have a really crap track record where it comes to foreign relations boondoggles in countries whose names start with "I." (not that it makes me feel any better about our collective tits being stuck in the Iraq wringer, mind ... )

Anonymous said...

Brits have a really crap track record where it comes to foreign relations boondoggles in countries whose names start with "I."

It would be unkind to point out that following the US model in Ireland would have led to an entirely British-inhabited Ireland, with a surviving Irish population of a few hundred, living in alcoholic poverty in a native reservation in County Kerry, and several FA teams with names like the "Liverpool Paddies".

But I will say that arming people who are shooting your allies, not to mention feting them, giving them visas and inviting them to the White House, is rather an odd way to behave.

Anonymous said...

But I will say that arming people who are shooting your allies, not to mention feting them, giving them visas and inviting them to the White House, is rather an odd way to behave.

*sigh* Who says we haven't perfected the ability to discard the lessons of history? May the sun never set on your ... our ... um, their... (dang) ... THE empire.

(that would've worked better if Blogger allowed the <strike> tag)

Assistant Atlas said...

Just sayin: John, I love you, man.

And for the public record, that's in a totally heterosexual, brotherly, bloggerly way.

Also, since everyone's now all political in this thread, forget Hillary.

Gov. Kathleen Sebelius (D-Kansas) for 2008. She governs like a girl. And it's about friggin' time, my fellow Americans.

Anonymous said...

I am British, as it happens, and the point about the UK having a shit track record in countries beginning with "I" is a good one; the country most noteworthy in this context is Iraq, which we occupied for about a decade. Reading up on the revolt of 1920 is quote instructive.

To understand what's going on in Iraq today it helps to go back to the Sykes-Picot Agreement of 1916, or even earlier. Modern Iraq is closer to Yugoslavia than any other political equivalent -- another artificial state carved out of the wreckage of the Ottoman empire over the desires of the locals, initially as a monarchy then (after a civil war) as a dictatorship held together by a strong man. The difference is, in Yugoslavia things went to hell in a handbasket after the dictator died -- in Iraq, our wonderful leaders deliberately went in and deposed the one chief bastard who was holding things together.

(Bitter, moi? I was on some of the UK anti-war demos. They were big: they were more than big, they were huge. And they were completely ignored. Democracy means: never having to listen to the people, because they've already voted.)


-- Charlie

The Stiltwalker said...

deport all those bitches. now!

BostonMaggie said...

Wow, you're really spinning this one!
1.) The Iraqis can grant anmesty to whomever they please. That is the point of a sovereign government. This is what our soldiers are fighting for.
2.) Their amnesty policy is still to be fleshed out, but already distinquishes between those who committed acts of terror and those who didn't.
3.) Our government and other coalition governments will continue to make diplomatic overtues to further fine tune this policy. Which is the proper way for this to work.
4.) No one who is against illegal immigration is targeting your example. People are fed up with and have a right to be fed up with those who are committing crimes and dragging us down. Crossing the border into the United States without proper documentation is a crime. Period.

The Gambino Crime Family said...

Isn't amnesty in this context just another word for "peace with honor?"

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