Wednesday, December 15, 2004

"In case of Rapture ..."

... this blog will no longer update."

See what I did there? Ehhhh. I know. I hate me too.

My new favorite web page is the Rapture Ready Webpage. This is not satire. That would be boring. Nor is it just for born-again or fundamentalist Christians. That would also be boring. No, what's really oddly touching and wonderful about this site is, well, let me just post the Site Synopsis:
I wanted to condense all of the information into an easy-to-read document that could be distributed to those who are left behind. If it has taken place, please photocopy and distribute this information to others. There are few books on the subject and the Internet will most likely shut down the day it happens from people desperately trying to understand what the rapture was. Also be aware that God will send strong delusion (II Thess 2:11) to those who rejected the Gospel before the rapture--just realize that the Christians who love Jesus are the ones who are gone--rely on nothing other than the Bible as the foundation for what you believe.
This guy has done all this work -- and seriously, this thing is huge, graduate dissertation huge -- to help us after he's taken off. When the Rapture comes, and we're freaking out, we can go to one place for the crash-course in Tribulation survival.

The screenwriter in me (and when oh when will he show up and finish this damn act ...) can't help but love this. In any number of post-apocalyptic movies, the rag-tag group of survivors finds the missile silo/military base/ancient com-pu-ter, fires it up, and out spits the technical explanation for the zombies/plague/dragons. In the Left Behind world, this site IS the second act plot point! How frikkin' cool is that!

28 comments:

1031 said...

In those post-apocalyptic movies, aren't a lot of computers fried to hell and technology doesn't work anymore?

I think this guy's site is a big joke on all us non-believers. He says it's for us in the aftermath of the Rapture, but I bet the Rapture will wipe out all the electronics in the world, like Basher's pinch in Ocean's 11, so we won't be able to get online to even read it.

I think we need to print it out and make lots of copies, because if you believe any evangelists, the End Times are closer than you think.

Seriously, though, it's definitely a great plot point for a movie. Too bad I'm not writing anything post-apocalyptical at the moment. Too busy messing around with this murderous Santa comic...

1031 said...

Sorry, me again.

Did you see that part at the end of the summary where he lists possible candidates for the Antichrist?

Kim Jong-Il, Vladimir Putin, Castro, Jacques Chirac, Gerhard Schroeder, Kofi Annan?

And then he subdivides it even more into "Arab candidates." Guess he can scratch Arafat off the list.

So the Antichrist isn't going to be American, I guess. I would've thought an American would be at the top of the list, myself, or a British guy. They have the best accents, and Neil Gaiman's Lucifer was sort of based on Sting, was he not? Or was it David Bowie...I get confused between him and John Constantine...

But c'mon, a French guy as the Antichrist? Who'd be scared of that?

Sizemore said...

Newsflash: The Rapture happened sometime around '74 or '75.

Lord Lucan and Jimmy Hoffa were the only ones called to His Side.

The rest of us are in HELL.

This explains a lot.

Like 'Reality' televison and our dark overlords Bush 'n' Blair.

PS. Blogger was ill yesterday. You didn't break it.

doinkicarus said...

does anyone else find it peculiar that every generation has a few fucks who think that the apocalypse is imminent, and that they are the only ones who know any better? get a clue-- nobody elses inane predictions of rapture have come true... why is yours any different?

Anonymous said...

....the Christians who love Jesus are the ones who are gone...I once heard someone describe this as a "win-win" proposition.

Anonymous said...

My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions!

At: http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman/


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