Post-Production: Day 14 through ... errr, 30-something

As mentioned, a fair bit of the last three weeks are simply off-limits. Agents and talent do not care to have their intrigues discussed, nor do I think it wise to reveal some of the unsavory mechanizations by which I have availed myself of fine acting humans. Also, unlike a show in active production, pilot pre-production's an odd bear -- the director does an enormous amount of feature-quality location scouting and storyboarding, while the script's already been polished within an inch of its life. In Chicago, Dean is insanely busy while in Los Angeles I am busy primarily arguing with people on the phone and then watching actors say lines. And yet still filling 12 hour days with this nonsense. For a better look at Prep of a show in production, go to Denis' blog here and backtrack.

That said, there are some interesting bits in the process. I had the usual thrill with clearances. The clearance process is when the legal department checks out your script and sees where it may cross with actionable coincidences in the real world. For example , in my script a children's toy named "Mr. Flopsy" is brandished by a drunk dad. Nothing more than a funny name. The Legal Department informs me, in all seriousness, that there is indeed a Mr. Flopsy-brand bunny rabbit doll, and we need to change the name.

They also check character names, according to some arcane ruleset that after ten years I still have no real grasp of. For example, in the Global Frequency pilot, I had to change the detective's name from "Sean Ronin" to "Sean Foley", because there were thousands of Sean Foleys in the US, there were only a few Sean Ronins in the San Francisco area where the show was based. Therefore, there was no chance a viewer could legitimately believe we were basing our Sean Foley on any one Sean Foley in the real world, but they could be misled by the rarity of the original name into believing we were specifically parodying or targetting a real-life Sean Ronin. The name "sean Ronin" was too rare. While my Deputy Phelps set in un-named state is plainly not meant to be any one Deputy Phelps, as soon as I mentioned the city "Chicago" casually in dialogue one could reasonably believe that we were referring to a Deputy Phelps of the Illinois State Police -- who is real and therefore ineligible as a character name.

Yes, it's as mind-numbing as it sounds. And there are paaaaages of it.

We also took actors to the network tests. These are the final auditions for actors, the pass before the executive humans at the network. After winnowing our choices down to three or four for each role, we arrange a network test session. At this audition, the actors go in one after another, bang out auditions to a half-dozen network execs sitting five feet away from them, totally unreactive. This sounds harmless and straightforward but for two issues. First, Network Tests are always tightly stackedtime-wise. So the actor is sitting in the lobby, waiting to be called in for the final audition which may mean millions of dollars, and they are staring at a lobby full of other actors who are essentially incrementally different versions of themselves. No, not unnerving at all.

Second -- before actors can go into the network test, they need to have signed test deals. These are the contracts setting terms of employment just in case they get selected to star in the show, and that show then gets put on the air. As a producer you want these deals in place before the actor reads, because if you're negotiating with an agent who already knows you want their client, you're fucked. At the same time, agents know they have you by the nuts on a test deal, as you want to hire their client, but you have no legal hold on the client until the test deal closes. They can't even audition for network until the contract's closed. If your actors don't sign their test deals, you are left with a bunch of network executives wondering why you scheduled a session with no actual actors auditioning. It's the sort of mutual blackmail lawyers love, and almost always you've wrestled on these terms right up until the actors are signing their contracts while sitting in the lobby waiting to go in and audition. Again, magnificently stress free.

All said and done, though, we have an excellent cast, I'm in Chicago now (flew in Monday night), and we should be able to jump in quickly tomorrow with actual production notes, documents, and maybe even the occasional crappy Treo video.

Again, feel free to ask any questions in the comments, and I'll see what I can do about answering them. As to what we've got planned for first day of shooting -- a preview via crappy Treo cam:

Stephen Fry BLOGS

Why have I been slow in posting on pre-production? Because the interesting stuff is ... fraught with risk of alienating humans whom I cannot afford to alienate until this sucker is in the can. But I can express some of the issues by paraphrasing Chris Rock: "I'd never hit an agent. Never. Never. I would shake the shit out of one though".

Harmless process blogging will continue this evening as I wait in the airport.

Instead, go wonder at the brain of Stephen Fry. Oh, and you there's a fair bit of Fry and Laurie up on the tubes.

Strike Authorization Vote

As Craig discusses, the WGA is surprisingly asking for a Strike Authorization Vote right now. That means, as far as I understand, that if we vote for the Authorization, on October 30th we don't have to go on strike but the Board's authorized to drop the strike hammer if they see fit.

You may be wondering where I stand.



(for the humor impaired, I am being dry)

However, if it's strike now or wait for the DGA to fuck us in the spring, then you know which way I'm going. Your mileage may, of course, vary.

Butt Triumphant!

Denis reminds us that a new season of Corner Gas begins tonight -- season five, in fact. Congratulations to all the lads I used to work with who are now Canadian television gods while I pimp my eleventy-millionth pilot in the US. Corner Gas has been picked up for syndication by WGN in the States, so you can set your Tivos for this very subtle, off-beat single camera comedy about the folk in Dog River.

Syndication? Jesus. Mark and Brent are buying the beer next time I see them.

Lucy Daughter of the Frisky Dingo

Pre-production blogging resumes shortly.

In the meantime if you're not watching the new Adult Swim shows, you are genuinely missing out.

Frisky Dingo (pilot here), in Season One was a straight up parody of the supervillain vs. superhero genre -- if your supervillain had shitty organizational skills and Batman was not devoted genius billionaire Bruce Wayne but ... well, kind of a young George Bush. Season Two, however, has now pitched these foes into a more heated battle. They're running for President. The Democratic nominee is Killface, the supervillain, and the Republican is ... well, definitely a young George Bush. The electoral cyncicsm in America is being parodied, perfectly, by this odd cartoon. It is constantly "Sweet God they didn't just do that"-offensive seasoned with "Sadly, that is probably true". For example, Killface is considering choosing Rapper Taqui'il (a recurring character from Season One) as his running mate. This has not gone as hoped:

The latest episode can be found here, among other clips. DEFINITELY grab this ep before it cycles out for next week's. The "Democrat who finds Christ" bit is operating on multiple levels.

Previous episodes can be found on (ahem) other sources. Leaving only the last episode up FORCES me to recommend that people seek other avenues to enjoy your fine programming Adult Swim. Chump move.

Lucy, Daughter of the Devil follows the 20-something art student Antichrist, her father Satan's (odd) plans to bring about Hell on Earth, three Vatican Assassins, and D.J. named Jesus, all done by a creative team on a direct descent from Dr. Katz down through Home Movies. I'd watch the pilot first, here, then move into the new Season. It's a pity Adult Swim has that episode rotation policy in place, because although this week's "Jesus in the Desert ... on the way to Burning Man" is just okay, last week's ep with the Devil's Dildo factory was pretty goddam wonderful.

Why a dildo factory? As Becky -- the Devil's Advocate -- explains, by increasing masturbation in the world they can increase sin and bring about the Apocalypse. "... and since men can not possibly masturbate more than they already do, we've decided to focus on women."

Enjoy.

I Just Threw Up in My Mouth

From the evil Orange OverLord, President Bush at a recent White House gathering:

Gold Star Mothers, got you, okay, thank you -- Blue Star Mothers, Gold Star Mothers, all the mothers, yes. (Applause.) Every day is Mother's Day as far as your concerned, isn't it?

I don't ...

I ...

... There's a joke bit I wrote here ... hold on ...

Maybe Tyrone has --

Tyrone: Fuck you. I'm not helping you on this one.

... okay, then, then ...

You know what? I got nothing.

Kid Nation Predictions

What the hell. It made me laugh, and I can post it while I'm waiting for this goddam agent to call back. So Kid Nation Predictions:

Most Likely to Die First: Jared, Age 11

Telling Quote: "In the right hands power can be a very good thing."

Why: Jared will be the first, or among the first, to die in Kid Nation. He is ambitious and hungry for power, but his young age and love of artwork do not give him a competitive edge. If he can swallow his hubris, he may survive for a time as a lackey or lickspittle for one of the bigger kids, but eventually his dumb face will get him on their bad side.

How: Expect to see him dragged off by one of the ruler's guards in the first five to ten days. He'll be screaming, "I made you who you are! I believed in you!" No more will be seen or heard from Jared, until escapees from the pleasure pit find his sun-bleached bones beneath a pile of bloodstained rocks.

Kid Nation is a real show, by the way. May God have mercy on our souls for not hunting down and killing the parents who whored their kids out for $5000, which is what any civilized society would do.

The MAGE meetings were actually rather worse ...

XKCD

I know, I know you all already read xkcd, "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language". But it's worth highlighting for those of you who don't know it, but share my sense of humor:

More TV blogging!

How did I miss this? To be sidebarred immediately -- Kay Reindl writes about writing in Hollywood as an experienced staffer.

Seriocity.

Anyway, this is a terrible way to do business. And it's even more dysfunctional this year, with the networks apparently STILL buying, only not from anyone regular. They want every pilot to be remarkable and inventive. So let me ask you -- how many shows that are on right now are remarkable and inventive? I mean, really super different? Ground-breaking? Changing the face of TeeVee? Let's check. "Mad Men" is as good as anything's been in ages, but nobody wants period shows because of it. I don't watch "The Wire" but people adore it. However, it's not having an infuence on the medium. These other shows, like "Rescue Me," "Weeds," "The Shield," people love 'em, but are they changing the face of TeeVee? What about "Heroes?" Since we sold the exact same pilot years ago, I'd say no. The format of "Lost," you might say... but "Lost" is, pardon the pun, on an island of its own.

What show right now is changing the way people think about TeeVee? What show's altering the way stories are told? Is any show influencing the medium of television? No. There's nothing. There's great stuff on, but it's TELEVISION. It's fun, escapist, moving, emotional... whatever. But it's not ground-breaking. Even shows with that potential, like "Battlestar Galactica," get absolutely no respect from the industry. That show SHOULD be considered ground-breaking but nobody fucking watches it, and the asshats at the academy refuse to reward it. So nobody REALLY wants a truly ground-breaking show. Doesn't it seem that way? In England, the six-episode miniseries "Jekyll" had more balls that 99% of American TeeVee. And for British TeeVee, it's fucking COMMONPLACE.

By the way, the easiest way to start a conversation in Hollywood right now is to simply ask "So, favorite bit in Jekyll?" The love is universal.