Lunch Conversations #450: "I know How to Treat a PetroPower, Baby."

John: It's just fifty dollars.
Tyrone: You'll lose the bet. We are not bombing Iran before January. Two reasons: first, a Democratic congress will make it harder --
John: But hardly impossible.
Tyrone: -- and two, it's absolutely insane. And these people are not insane.
John: Of course they're not insane. But they have a very weird view of how the world works which is completely reasonable to them. And what they want -- hell what I want -- is a pro-West Iran.
Tyrone: ... which they'll get by bombing Iran?
John: Precisely. Look at what happened in Lebanon. The Israelis bombed about a million people out of their homes, and in return, the population completely turned against Hizballah and swung seriously pro-Israeli!
Tyrone: ...
John: Nasrallah and his thugs can't even show their face in the Arab world! And look how well the strategy is working in Iraq. We level cities like Fallujah to get the insurgents, and the result is, as Dick Cheney has told us, the insurgency has been in its "last throes" for, like, three years! They've never not been about to lose!
Tyrone: Yes. I see your point.
John: We bomb Iran, and they won't all line up behind the nationalist radical clerics who stand as a symbol against Western oppression. Instead they will realize we bombed them for their own good, they've learned their lesson, and will revolt against the leaders who have led them astray!
Tyrone: Exactly as has occurred every other time an Islamic nation is attacked.
John: Precisely. We don't want to bomb them, but we have to. For their own good. If they could just see that --
Tyrone: (slapping his left hand with his right) "Look what you made me do! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!"
John: "I don't want to hit you, baby. But you make me all crazy sometimes."
Tyrone: A foreign policy based on domestic abuse. But Iran has allies. That's not going to work.
John: China's going to slide up. "MMmm-mm. He hitting you? That's fucked up. I'm just saying. "
Tyrone: "I don't know why he won't let you have things. Come over to my place. You want to have nuclear power, makes you feel pretty, I gots no problem with that."
John: (girl voice) "What about nuke weapons?"
Tyrone: "He lets that bitch Pakistan have nukes, and she rolls with Osama."
John: (girl voice) "Yeah!"
Tyrone: "Now bring your sweet oil over here for Daddy China."
John: Fundamental misunderstanding of human nature --
Tyrone: Nice girl voice, by the way.
John: Thank you.
Waitress: I thought so too.
Tyrone: ...
John: ...
Tyrone: How long have you been standing --
Waitress: Here's your coffee.