Saturday, April 22, 2006

"Heroes Aren't Born ... They're Cornered."

Bravo, SciFi. Bravo.

This week's Saturday night B-Movie, MAMMOTH, is finally what these things should be. Before tonight, SS DOOMTROOPER, MANSQUITO, et al, promised classic B-movie fun but wound up laying there (SS DOOMTROOPER culminates with a 15 foot tall gamma-radiation hulked-out Nazi ... losing a knife fight with Corin Nemec).

MAMMOTH was knowing, goofy fun from the great William Castle-style score, the truly amusing credits through the lovely little cheesy 50's ending beat. Vince Ventresca channelled the great dorky 50's scientist characters flawlessly. The script did what it could with being, well ... a script about a giant unfrozen wooly mammoth. A giant unfrozen wooly mammoth with vampiric powers.

Where the scenes had to look like a real movie, they did, and when they needed to be big B-Movie fun, they were. Don't get me wrong, it was by no means great cinema -- but it did its damn job. It is head and shoulders in style and tone above almost every other one of the Sci Fi originals.

Guys, if you're really committed to grinding out 26 of these accursed things every year, give them all, right now, to the team who made MAMMOTH.

83 comments:

ElGrande said...

Haven't seen it, and I'm giving this to the guy who wrote both "The Core" and "Catwoman"...

...(sorry dude, you are NEVER going to live that down)...

... but AMEN.

Mansquito? While there are as yet unaired Doctor Who episodes? Who the hell is in charge over there? Any of your (meaning Sci-Fi Channel) shit-ass movies can be replaced easily by decades of good programs. If you still feel the need to make this stuff, give it to the creative team who has actually gotten praise. Because none of your other offerings ever have. From anyone.

Unknown said...

At least amend it to "one of the ten dudes who wrote Catwoman." Spread that love around.

Unknown said...

OH, and there is actually a legitimate financial reason they pursue the Saturday Night Originals. Not worth going into here, but it's hard to argue with from a business standpoint.

Anonymous said...

Don't hate on Doomtrooper...we all know that Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

Cunningham said...

As much as you( Elgrande and David Press) may not like them or look down at them, the SCIFI ORIGINAL movies are one of their highest rated offerings. People like them and watch them - moreso than Doctor Who or BSG. They do great business around the world. SCIFI gets a good deal and the people who produce them get a pretty good deal.

Chalk it up to "different strokes for different folks." Me? I can't wait to see Jim Wynorski's A.I. ASSAULT.

Hadyn said...

A vampiric mammoth terrorises a small American town...BRILLIANT!

It makes me feel SO MUCH better about the last film I wrote (possessed pets threaten babysitter).

But why does the Sci-Fi website only have that one pic of Count Mammothula? If it bit you did you become a vampire or a mammoth?

So many unanswered questions!

Anonymous said...

SciFi Channel, BSG notwithstanding, will redeem itself when it returns to being what it was in the late 80s -- worth watching *daily*. Bizness schmizzness -- a full day of one-series reruns is crap. Only a beancounter would come up with that travesty.

And hey, the dopes DIDN'T WANT the Doctor! Eejits.

Victor said...

Here's a Wired article about Tom Vitale, Bonnie Hammer and the whole Skiffy movie-factory from October 2004:

We've Created A Monster

I, for one, still have a problem with Farscape's untimely conclusion. And 'Peacekeeper Wars' was *not* the end I was looking for...

Anonymous said...

All would be redeemed if they made one, just one, disaster movie that ended with the goverment doing nothing: Too busy, too disorganized, too clueless.

Just letting a disaster happen, and no one we consider a hero gets saved.

But then, that's science fiction.

Emily Blake said...

I for one, refuse to watch any scifi original picture unless it includes a former or current member fo the Stargate team, or that guy who played Major Davis.

Then again, I didn't watch that DOOMTROOPER movie either. I might have if I'd realized it starred Jonas Quinn. But probably not.

Anonymous said...

Oh GOD John, please don't encourage SciFi to make more original pictures; the network could better-spend the money on new series and mini-series (which are almost always superb).

Whenever I see or hear the words "A SciFi Original" connected to a movie, I know the flick is going to be an apocalypse of bad writing and bad taste and I can't turn the channel fast enough.

Cunningham said...

Okay,

The reason that the SCIFI CHANNEL is able to run programs like BSG and STARGATE: CLEVELAND and the mini series is because the original movies do really well.

With that in mind - do you want to: A) get rid of the original movies and have SciFi think twice about backing a new mini or series, or B) do you want them around and try to make the original flix better (which is what John suggested in the first place)and be able to finance some interesting mini-series or series?

Lets applaud them when they do well, and tell them how they can do better next time when they don't do so well. A win-win siutation.

And for 'Anonymous' -- they did pick up Doctor Who, but only after it ran a season.

Christian Lindke said...

This week on Stargate: CLEVELAND...

Lt. C.C. Sobadtoyah is on his way to pitching a perfect game for the Tribe,when Major Hawke beams him abord the SS Doesntexist via Asgardian Teleportation device. C.C.'s throwing skills are needed to overcome a pressure sensitive door lock and it's whale-gene based cargo.

Meanwhile, back at NORAD.

Meanwhile, back at the fishing hole.

Geoff Thorne said...

You're crazy, Rogers.

Anonymous said...

Bill said:

...the SCIFI ORIGINAL movies are one of their highest rated offerings. People like them and watch them - moreso than Doctor Who or BSG. They do great business around the world.

Okay, I can see the great business around the world -- the world's love-affair with American movies and television is a fact I'm familiar with -- but I'm shocked about the ratings.

Maybe I'm a scifi snob and am only just now realzing it...

Ross said...

I didn't see this movie, but I'm proud to say it was for the absolute dumbest possible reason: the commercial pissed me off.

How? Because it kept flashing words across the screen, then something basically like "the action will be--cut to shot of Mammoth killing people--cut to the word "enormous" Are you serious? That kind of set up and you don't complete the pun?

I'm not much for original movies anyway, but that just offended my delicate sensibilities.

Told ya my reason was dumb.

Anonymous said...

re: Stargate Cleaveland

I'm holding out for CSI:Stargate or Law & Order: Moonbase Alpha

Anonymous said...

I thought it was pretty fun stuff (from the star and director of LARVA!) but can't help think that Summer Glau should probably be getting better roles.

Ventresca, I expect it from.

Anonymous said...

I'm actually the showrunner for Stargate:Cleveland. Sadly, it is not a reality show. That was one last year, when we the largely unsuccessful Who Wants to Be Our Next Mayor? was on.

Unofficially, "None of the Above" took the prize.

Rogers, doesn't have to dance around the finances of Saturday Night Originals.

a) Produce movies that get decent ratings at perhaps a financial "loss"
b) Have said movies in network library, to release d2v or hold as assets; now actually worth money
c) Said library worth much $$$ if net is ever bought or sold

Anonymous said...

Boy, that post was vaguely incoherent. Serves me right for trying to edit around tags

Anonymous said...

Dude, no offense intended, but that was crap. I tried, seriously tried to sit through that movie, and failed. And before you think I'm some kind of film snob (well, I am, being a critic and all), it should be noted that I love B-movies and count horror/sci-fi as my favorite genres.

And if someone from the Sci-Fi Channel is reading this, lay off flicks that require decent EFX. If you don't have the money for it, go practical. Just because you're working with a limited budget doesn't mean you have to foist crappy CGI on the rest of us. AND I feel sorry for any of the actors who have to participate in Sci-Fi Original productions. Can you imagine what crosses their minds when they accept an offer to appear in one of these flicks? Outside of "I have to make that mortgage" payment I mean. I expect they recognize their careers are at virtual dead ends. Sad for them, sadder for us.

AND for the record, I thoroughly enjoyed "The Core". It was solid, cheesy fun all around.

Anonymous said...

Mammoth airs again tonight (Thurs) at 7pm.

Anonymous said...

...scratch that, it's at 9pm.

Amandarama said...

I missed it! Grrrr!

Must go check other listings...

Maybe I can tivo it. Mr. Tivo is finally getting me some Dr. Who tonight at midnight.

Anonymous said...

I watched 'Mammoth' last night and you are right, it's actually pretty good. The acting was good, the plot was tight and consistent and it was fun to watch. You can't expect much more from a B movie.

I do get the feeling they were assigned a 'killer mammoth' movie in the same vein as other SciFi channel 'killer giant animal' movies. Instead they decided to make a 'mammoth inhabited by alien vampire blob' movie. A better choice all around in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

I watched it as well. It was far more watchable than some of the crap I've seen on SciFi.

It was nice to see Summer Glau again -- I hope that whoever decreed that SciFi Originals heralds the death of one's career is wrong. And Vince Ventresca was great as the scientist/father figure.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone notice that the actual line was "Heroes Aren't Made... They're Cornered."

A subtle but important difference. Not nearly as good a line as the headline on this entry. Funny how you remembered it better, Rogers. :)

Unknown said...

Sadly, I remembered it just fine -- I couldn't help but compulsively do the rewrite. Sorry guys.

Unknown said...

however, I also quoted it because I thought that was a dman fine line of dialogue to pop up in a SciFi Saturday flick. My admiration still stands.

Anonymous said...

Agreed on all counts. I had it Tivo'd and was waiting for the line since I had read the entry, it's the only reason I even noticed. Wasn't trying to call you out or anything... (sheepish grin)

But you're absolutely right, it was a silly fun romp, although the bumbling, sliding professor stuff was a little much.

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