Monday, September 21, 2009

Shine On Me

Fine, Internet. You win. I will never return.

111 comments:

Danny said...

My eyes! My ears! Oh god my eyes!

What is this? What website have I visited? Where am I?

Grant said...

The cutaway to the modern ship being scuttled is priceless.

Jo said...

Milli Vanilli ought to sue - that dude is totally gankin' their lipsync-spin moves ...

ChelseaNH said...

GAAAAH!

I watched four minutes and seventeen seconds of utter crap! For you! Do you have any idea how many shots of shirtless Eliot you owe me now?

GAAAAH!

Unknown said...

Sadly, I admit that I was sucked into watching this.

I am not sure I can sleep now.

***shivers uncontrollably ***

stacey said...

GAAACCCK! I don't know what hurts worse, my eyes or my ears. And I only watched 30 seconds. Was that Phoebe Price of gofugyourself.com infamy? I can't watch again, it will render me sterile...

Michael the G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael the G said...

Ah....Mr. Rodgers, I cry foul on your perpetuation of this monumental pile of bad judgement and confusing footage.

To sum up:

So....this is informative. Apparently balladeers from California have an obsession with Highlander, dragons, goth chicks, poorly drawn-on facial hair, 17th century french(?) towns, pyrotechnics, oh did I mention the goth chicks are witches or something, Norse mythology, an absolutely batshit crazy lack of any sort of linear story-telling and outright CONTEMPT for guitars (about 2:09).

Who huffed paint thinner and wrote the shot list for that thing?

Tim W. said...

Was this directed by Uwe Boll? Was there supposed to be a story, or just random shots? How much did they have to pay for all the stock footage? Was the flamboyantly gay man with the moustache trying to save his sister or was she like Grace, from Will & Grace? And what was he trying to do to her at the end? Was it Zorro: The Gay Blade, Part 2, or a new Lord of the Rings sequel in which Legolas' gay lover exacts revenge on his former lover, Sallah, from Indiana Jones- who for contractual reasons, could not appear? I'm intrigued....

John said...

/blink

/blink

Wait, what?

Denita said...

My eyes. My ears.

Was that the new version of Rickrolling?

Do you have any idea how many shots of shirtless Eliot you owe me now?

I second that.

briddie said...

This begs for a literal video version.

Taellosse said...

Why do you hate happiness, and why must you destroy it in all of those around you by inflicting this on an unsuspecting audience?

My only consolation is the watch-the-trainwreck paralysis was shaken off before it got very far in, and I was able to hit the pause button before my eyes and ears went into open revolt.

You are a bad, bad man.

SueN. said...

Make that shirtless wet Eliot!

I … I … there just are no words.

Anonymous said...

Oh...my...God...

As much as I love the Lord of the Rings film, I think Peter Jackson needs to go door to door to apologize for making that possible. Not withstanding the hot girls in full body latex, that was appalling.

Anonymous said...

That is one ugly ass green guitar, and there is no Eliot. Try again.

msd said...

Is this your way of trying to distract (or distress) us from the fact that you have questions to answer?

Not working

ICKY

Mark Waid said...

Read the sidebar on YouTube.

The.
First.
In.
A.
TRILOGY.
Of.
Videos.

TRI.
LO.
GY.

I don't know exactly what it is that Christian Deprogrammers use to drive the Gay Demons out, but I'm pretty sure this is the exact opposite of that.

Unknown said...

This looked really expensive. Did some billionaire need a tax deduction or something?

Denita said...

The.
First.
In.
A.
TRILOGY.
Of.
Videos.

TRI.
LO.
GY.


Oh Lord, please say you're kidding me.

Unknown said...

I know... This is a thinly veiled attempt at foreshadowing, right? The group is going to run a con on the publishers and artistic directors of some literary giant that creates Historical Romances because they are cheating the writer and her husband (who poses for the book covers.) And Eliot will play the cover model for the bodice-ripper?

Tell the truth - you've been showing this to Christian to psyche him up for the role. Waiting until he finally, in a moment of stupor (after watching this 500+ times,) yells, "I can do that so much better!

Michael the G - you left out the POTC shot.

Chris said...

I applaud your effort to make me click on a YouTube video, sir, but after years of experience with Warren Ellis and his brand of WTF-ness, I know better. Better luck next time ;)

Jasmyne said...

So this is completely off subject from this post, but did I just miss the post where he answered questions from episode 207??

biff3000 said...

Meh. I prefer Ann Coulter's later work.

CaseyL said...

Well, you have to admire his moxie. Chris Dane Owens made this video, a deliberate mishmash of every popular sword & sorcery cliche out there, and it did what it was meant to do: make him an instant star.

Read all about it at http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2008/12/an-internet-sta.html

SageK said...

OMG! My eyes and ears are bleeding!
That was just alkdjsfjklsfj!AWEFUL!

I need some brain bleach.

Staffan said...

What? This video is awesome. Especially the crocodile, and when he apparently blows up a whole ship with a swing of his sword.

I'm just annoyed that Chris seems to be dragging his heels on making a sequel. This has to be a year old by now.

Brad said...

1: Clip the covers off of 375 mediocre fantasy novels.

2: Put them all in a blender.

3: Your storyboard is now complete! Congratulations! You may commence shooting!

Anonymous said...

First we had Derren Brown trying to stick us to our seats. Now you're trying to make us all heave en masse!!

Lady Antonym said...

I'm calling my lawyer. Dude totally stole that from a script I wrote.

Unknown said...

forget naked elliot.

you owe us naked sophie, parker AND the new chick, whatever her name was again.

and, in a way, this is worse than ANY link Warren Ellis served up with a "what is best in life, Conan?" tagline.

adc1966 said...

Ronnie James Dio, circa 1983, just sent this guy a cease-and-desist.

Theliel said...

this was pure win. srs videos are srs.

the only true failing of this video was too many mtv quick shots of goth chotties.

i'll tolerate that in an interesting song like 'gorbichove!' but not from this claptrap.

hodag said...

I'm having dawn of MTV flashbacks...


Putinesi- a less difficult Russian leader.

Toldain said...

Watching this I felt like I had fallen through a time warp and it was 1982 again. For instance when you have the three-way split screen sections coming in one at a time, it's a real MacGyver moment.

And of course, someone has been watching Ladyhawke way too much. But they only kept the bad parts. And listening to the soundtrack.

Cindy said...

Aaah!!!
It's back! Oh god, why?

MelodyAnne88 said...

Can't.. Look... away...

HELP!

Anonymous said...

Actually, this shouldn't come as a huge surprise. This is exactly what you get when nerdy D&D fanatics grow up and get to make their own music video and do whatever they want. See also The Chronicles of Riddick...

ChelseaNH said...

forget naked elliot.

Look, hosehead, I'm in a fragile emotional state and I do NOT need to deal with some selfish wanker sacrificing my recovery for his own indulgence, especially since there's no reason we can't have naked everybody, although given the FCC and the inevitable camera angles/prop placement, I will derive far more satisfaction The Nudist Job than you can ever hope for. So there.

Looking forward to The Chippendales Job, The Ditchdigger Job and The Really Hungry Moth Job.

Rob said...

Fine, Internet. You win. I will never return.

AUGH. What am I supposed to do? I work there!

SueN. said...

@ChelseaNH, don't forget the Rodeo Job.

For this offense, Rogers TOTALLY owes us Eliot in chaps and spurs! (And as little else as possible.)

(And, for the boys, Parker, Sophie and Tara in rhinestones and Daisy Dukes.)

Oh, God, it burns. IT BURNS!!

King Isepik said...

I'm pretty sure this is contagious, so we should all visit a doctor for a shot of penicillin or something.

GAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Mooney said...

God damn it, Rogers.

Cat Winchester said...

What ever it is you're smoking, can i have some please?

Mark said...

God that music sucked.

But I must admit, I'd be tempted to watch the movie once it comes out on Net Flix. I have very low standards when it comes to fantasy. Add goth chicks and I'm there.

Febrifuge said...

Y'all are crazy. That video is made of awesome, and edited by the very hand of Ah-Sum, the ancient Assyrian god of things that are totally bitchin'.

(Word verification word: "hanize." Verb. To make something or someone more like Han Solo: "Only by hanizing the hero a bit could this video get any more awesome.")

WWWeaves said...

WTF?

One, Europop. Ick.

Two, Kind of impressive.

Three, Ick.

PhantomMinuet said...

Awww. I always get a little teary eyed when these boys pack up their dog-eared, Cheeto-stained copies of Tolkein, walk bravely out of their parents' basements, and go forth to make their way in the world.

Murphy Jacobs said...

Oh, now, that was just MEAN.

Taima said...

I just laughed so hard I went blue in the face. Thanks for this. (that hair deserved it's own video.)

Fifi LaBlake said...

It was like a bad combination of LOTR, The Princess Bride, some Nelson videos from back in the day, and maybe a dash of Willow thrown in.

I'm still trying to process the crocodile. And the dude with the gold mask.

My brain hurts.

My demands. . .
-Naked cast. If that doesn't get past the censors, I will also accept scantily clad and drenched in water running around in slo-mo.

-For you to pay all the bills for the therapy I will need.

-Star wars themed episode! Nate as Obi-Wan, Hardison as Luke, and Eliot as Han Solo. Sterling could be Darth Vador. I don't think Parker or Sophie would make very good chewbacas by the way.

Even then, it will still take time to rebuild the trust. *sniffles*

Anonymous said...

And yet, it's still better than the D&D movie.

- PCat

Emily Z. Chen said...

WUT?

::DIES OF LAUGHTER::

::goes to rewatch:: =D

...wait I lie.

::links to friends first, then goes to rewatch::

Just Ruth said...

Chris Kane could so kick his ass, sing better and ride off into the sunset so much better.

Promise me he's coming on the show to get hurt.

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