Saturday, January 26, 2008

Pretty Much Turtles All the Way Down

I was just going to blow past the whole leaked Tom Cruise Scientology tape thing. Defamer did what Defamer does, we're moving on ... until I saw Ezra Klein, officially my favorite health care policy wonk, take a shot at it.

You know, I'm as Captain Mock-y as the next guy, but we're out of line here. All religions sound crazy if you don't believe in them.

I was raised Catholic, so for half my life I fervently believed God both had a Son through virgin birth and also WAS that Son (the Trinity's tricksy). Said God performed miracles -- including demon-fighting -- until some Italians nailed him to a tree, an act we remember weekly by consuming his Flesh. Not metaphorically, but thanks to a spiritual alchemy, literally his flesh. My Jewish friends are often hazy on transubstantiation, and react with horror when I explain the full ramifications.

Of course, Jews believe the Eternal and Almighty creator of the vast and infinite universe had a hangup about pigs and tattoos, and they also believe that certain rocks in the MidEast are so invested with Magical God Juice that they should fight and die over these rocks, rather than living comfortably in their natural habitat. By which, of course, I mean Manhattan's Upper West Side or the Beverly/Fairfax area.

Rinse and repeat for all belief systems.

I'm never going to do better than the South Park Mormon Episode -- which is possibly one of the sharpest bits of writing ever done about religion on television. But it's all about wrapping your head around the infinite. Once you decide to step away from a head-space predicate on physical evidence, whatever narrative you buy into in order to stave off the Madness in the Dark is pretty much as valid as the next. Gotta let it slide.

Except, of course, for Young Earth Creationists. Religion's meant to fill in the gaps of the Unknowable, not contradict the Knowable But Makes You Uncomfortable. There's a fossil record, assholes. Join the Enlightenment.

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, of course, Scientologists are just as bad denialists as Young Earth Creationists. No such thing as a brain chemical imbalance, apparently.

But that's not the point. If you tell the world what the Pope believes, he'll probably thank you for spreading his message. If you make fun of it, you'll get a few angrily-worded letters at worst. Just ask Kevin Smith.

But if you tell the world, even slightly, what Scientology believes, you'll be hunted down by their Dirty Tricks team and pack of ravenous attack lawyers like the filthy Supressive Person that you are. That's no way for a serious religion to behave in this day and age.

Anonymous said...

I've said for a while now that, from the outside, it all looks like Scientology. It's a little mean, sure but I'm tired of people reading aloud form the D&D player's handbook and telling me I'm the one whose nuts for not believing it.

Also, by any objective measure, Tom Cruise is just a wee bit touched.

Anonymous said...

"All religions sound crazy if you don't believe in them."

Half of that sentence is correct.

Joshua James said...

Agree with the above, Scientology falls under the same umbrella with Young Earth Creationists, pretty much, and maybe a tad more under fraud since their goal is pretty much to make money via cult methods of denial and regression therapy.

I don't speak out of just observation here, I actually worked at a Scientology center in the nineties for awhile, before the whole awfulness of the scam caught up to me and I skedaddled.

Because it is a scam, make no mistake.

I think most religions are crazy and about finding answers for the unknowable, but some are also about controlling large groups of people to enrich the organization (and its elders) and achieve their goals, in this case money, and that's fraud to my eye.

In this case, the very fact that Scientology charges for its services but gets non-profit church status is a complete joke.

There's a great Scientology de-bunking site here: http://www.xenu.net/

Where they run through the whole thing, even the final stage. I highly recommend it.

Anonymous said...

OK, but part/much of what prompts incredulity at Cruise's recruitment video is a general feeling that the craziness of religions should be judged on how they make you act. Private religious rituals are to an extent exempted from the faith-worth calculus, just like private sexual practices.

So then you get comparison tables that are pretty straightforward: Catholics do things outside of church like _______, Muslims have been known to _______, Jews have this thing where they _______ together. 14th century Catholicism was a hell of a lot more likely to make you do crazy stupid shit than 21st century Catholicism, and so forth.

Tom Cruise's religion makes him jump on a couch and eat his baby's placenta. That's somewhere in the middle of things, I guess. But the recruitment video contains some stuff that (1) I don't consider 'private' and (2) is loopily counterfactual on face (Scientologists aren't the only people who care about suffering, obviously). The confrontational emphasis on the pointlessness of pluralism and such is what makes his cult weirder than most cults. Plus the secrecy aspects, plus the financial malfeasance, plus the recent history of alleged torture/incarceration/indenture, etc.

Ellis is also insufficiently wide-ranging in his criticism upthread; all beliefs sound crazy if you beat 'em with the reductio stick. Gravity - the precise nature of which remains unknown, as I recall (we can't reduce it to components yet) - is some wacky unbelievable shit. The 'proof' is before our eyes - and yet people also tend to assume that objects fall toward one another with constant velocity, and that V(downToEarth) increases with mass. People are in other words fucking fools, but religious beliefs constitute only a subclass of broader, less immediately funny foolishnesses. (Yikes, another word I'll endeavour never to pluralize ever again.)

Anonymous said...

I was actually under the impression that religion and politics existed to provide material for writers (comedic or otherwise).

To imply otherwise... that would be disconcerting.

Anonymous said...

Cults are scary and dangerous. Religions aren't scary.

"If, on appropriate occasions, the members tell, enjoy, trade, and/or devise transgressively funny jokes about their denomination, it’s a church.

If such jokes reliably meet with stifling social disapproval, it’s a cult." --- Teresa Nielsen-Hayden "Cult vs. church: a proposed rule of thumb"

John said...

As another Catholic I would agree that all religions tend to sound wacky on face value, especially to outsiders.

I feel compelled to point out, however, that most religions - all save one that I can think of - were not founded as a joke by science fiction writers.

And not to get too metaphysical, but when you REALLY boil it down, and I mean strip away centuries of dried-up crud, the bottom line of Christianity is "be nice to each other." The bottom line of Scientology is "you're unhappy because of volcano aliens living in your brain." (I admit I do not know enough to reliably comment on Judaism/Islam/Buddhism/etc.) One of these things is not like the other...

Anonymous said...

There actually are Scientologists out there who are rational, sane, easy-going, open about their church, and freely admit that what they believe is just as nutty as the core beliefs of several other religions.

Tom Cruise doesn't appear to be one of them.

All religions sound crazy if you don't believe in them, but at the same time, all fanatics sound crazy whether you believe in the same religion as them or not.

Unknown said...

Mr Roges, I love the comment that religion is there to fill in the gaps of the Unknowable...

However, I pretty much feel that most people have substituted "Off The Shelf" religions for spirituality because you don't have to do anything other than what you're told with the O-T-S religions. With spirituality you actually have to contribute something of your own.

SwimLFS said...

John,

Judaism and Islam tend to like ritual and rule a bit more than, say, Christianity. But, then again, that's a lot of the accumulated crud.

Islam depends on which Muslim you ask, from the Agha Khan to the Ayatollah to the Mufti. In lots of ways, we could reduce it to "God has a plan. Submit to His Will, and while doing so, be clean, educated, and play nice with others." With the eventual promise that heaven is a union of your soul with God.

Buddhism, hmmm, "don't kill anything! don't own anything! The wheel shall turn, and all will be well."

Pretty much, all the old religions are for "Play Nice!" whereas Scientology seems to encourage the psychotic to kill their parents, and appears to extort its followers.

Steve Peterson said...

I think another thing to keep in mind is that the major religions have literally had centuries of editing and re-writes to excise the crazy stuff and make them more acceptable to the wider public.

Young religions like Scientology and Mormonism haven't gone through the editing process to make them mainstream yet -- but you can see that process occurring as they downplay the weirder parts, and play up their strengths (such as Scientology's 70's era pro-self-esteem message).

McDuff said...

"All religions sound crazy if you don't believe in them."

So why does this mean we can't mock them? Surely it means we should be mocking Catholicism and Islam just as much as we mock Scientology.

Anonymous said...

For me, criticizing Scientology is not about the beliefs, it's about the actions, which are often unethical and sometimes illegal.

As Anonymous #1 points out, Scientology doesn't want people to know the secret beliefs until they've paid enough money (I am unaware of any other organization with IRS religious tax exemption that has sued a newspaper for publishing "trade secrets"), and they certainly retaliate against criticism. I started picketing Scientology pseudonymously in 1998. Within 2 1/2 months, they had outed me online; two months later, they revenge picketed my apartment building (they kept revenge-picketing me for months). Keith Henson recently spent months in prison after peacefully picketing their razor-wired compound in Southern California.

Why don't the super powers they pay so much for enable them to respond directly and intelligently to criticisms about people who have died in their care, criminal acts like stealing documents from US and Canadian government offices, and the deceptive practices and false teachings of their front groups? Why have they never apologized for framing a journalist for bomb threats or framing a mayor for hit-and-run?

In fact, Hubbard's intolerance of dissenting viewpoints repelled lots of earlier followers, including the publishers of The Aberree.

And, indeed, John, I've had conversations with Scientologists in which I tried to respectfully refer to their philosophy as a faith. They disagree. As far as they're concerned - and as they teach it - it's science. Facts. Reams of research. No faith here.

But that's not why I became a critic. I dispute the factual basis of the Xenu teachings, but it's the holding people against their will, the deceptive front groups, the illegal tax exemption, and the fraud that costs lots of people tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars that motivated me to become a critic.

Jon said...

Personally, I think all religions should be mocked as often as possible.

Ian said...

So wait, you don't believe in any distinction between religions and cults? And yes, I mean something other than "cults are the ones I don't believe in/approve of."

John said...

The mainstreaming of Scientology aside - caveat that of course, wackiness to outsiders etc etc - it is safe to assume that Christianity/Buddhism/Islam were not created when Jesus/Buddha/Mohammed was sitting around polishing off a bottle of Jack Daniels with their buddies and someone said, "hey, wouldn't it be a hoot if we made up a religion?"

Forget volcano aliens, THAT'S the part I can't get past. If the moment of your religion's founding includes the phrase "oh my god I am so fucking drunk right now!" your religion has serious problems.

Anonymous said...

(I'm the same anonymous person as the first comment. I feel I should, because I really don't want to be the target of the aforementioned ravenous attack lawyers.)

Mooney:

There actually are Scientologists out there who are rational, sane, easy-going, open about their church, and freely admit that what they believe is just as nutty as the core beliefs of several other religions.

I'm of the opinion that Scientology is a 100% valid religion. Or, at least, just as 100% valid as any other religion. The question of whether the Church of Scientology is a 100% valid religious institution.

mcduff:

Surely it means we should be mocking Catholicism and Islam just as much as we mock Scientology.

Where the hell have you been? Catholics mock themselves.

As for Islam... well, let's just say that once upon a time they'd have laughed along with you. But a bunch of them have got hyper-sensitive in the last 6 or 7 years. No idea why.

Still, there are a lot of good Muslim stand-up comedians around the circuits, if you know where to look.

Anonymous said...

If you trust in yourselves, the forces at you all will turn out. You a spiritual being allocated with the hugest force. A question in how this force is rational for using.

Anonymous said...

Sure, but how do the midichlorians factor in?

Anonymous said...

anonymous:

Sure, but how do the midichlorians factor in?

Great. Now I despise you and all that you stand for. Curses!

Scott said...

I think this matter was settled by the mighty Barbara Ehrenreich:

"I am forced to admit that the difference between a religion and a cult is chiefly a matter of size. Forty-eight people donning plastic bags and shooting themselves in the head is a 'cult', while a hundred million people bowing before a flesh-hating elderly celibate is obviously a world-class religion."

¡El Gato Negro! said...

Religion's meant to fill in the gaps of the Unknowable...

Ah, si, the always shrinking God of the gaps. Let us hope that all believers are so helpfully shunted into backing such an ever-diminishing diety, no?

(Apologies for the link to the fount-of-almost-knowledge.)

Anonymous said...

Cults are religions without political power.

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募金

Unknown said...

Wasir atau ambeien adalah penyakit yang terjadi pada bagian anus, jenis wasir atau ambeien sendiri ada dua yaitu wasir atau ambeien dalam dan wasir atau ambeien luar. Dalam penangananya sendiri wasir atau ambeien dapat disembuhkan dengan dua jalan yaitu pengobatan medis dan pengobatan non medis atau pengobatan alternatif. Pengobatan alternatif disini salah satu pilihanya adalah dengan menggunakan tanaman herbal atau dengan ramuan tradisional. Ambeclear dan Salep Salwa adalah hasil pengolahan tanaman herbal daun ungu, kunyit putih, dan mahkota dewa yang telah terbukti ampuh mengatasi wasir atau ambeien baik wasir stadium satu, stadium dua, stadium tiga maupun stadium akhir atau stadium empat. Wasir berdarah, wasir yang telah kronis, semua dapat diatasi dengan menggunakan obat ini selain ampuh obat ini juga aman dan tidak menimbulkan efek samping apapun bagi penggunanya sehingga obat ambeclear ini aman dikonsumsi oleh penderita wasir yang sedang hamil maupun menyusui.

Unknown said...

Obat sipilis di apotik adalah antibiotik. Fungsi dari obat ini adalah untuk menahan pertumbuhan bakteri penyebab sipilis. Namun sayangnya adalah obat ini tidak seampuh yang dikira.

Unknown said...

cara mengobati kutil kelamin pada wanita tanpa harus menggunakan operasi cukup dengan menggunakan obat khusus kutil kelamin paling manjur dari klinik de nature manjurserta sangat aman untuk ibu hamil

Unknown said...

Apabila anda sedang mencari pengobatan kutil kelamin untuk pria maupun wanita segera kunjungi kami http://obatkutilkelaminwanita.blogdetik.com cara mengobati kutil kelamin pada wanita tanpa harus menggunakan operasi cukup dengan menggunakan obat khusus kutil kelamin paling manjur dari klinik de nature manjurserta sangat aman untuk ibu hamil

Unknown said...

Bukan hanya pengobatan medis saja tapi ada juga pengobatan rumah alami yang dapat digunakan untuk menyingkirkan penyakit kutil kelamin ini. Intinya, karena kutil ini muncul di daerah yang sensitif, maka anda harus mencari pengobatan yang terbaik pada kulit Anda dan jika diperlukan juga dibantu dengan tenaga medis yang professional. Sebab dokter akan menjadi sumber informasi yang baik untuk mengobati penyakit ini.

Cara Mengobati Wasir Ambeien said...

MANTAB * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

obar herbal manjur alami said...

MANTAB * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *******

Unknown said...

Cara yang sering di lakukan untuk menghilangkan kutil kelamin adalah dengan cara pembedahah atau operasi, cara ini tentu memerlukan dana yang tidak sedikit. metode Pilihan pembedahan yang dapat Anda lakukan

Unknown said...

MANTAB * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **********

Pengobatan Ambeien Wasir said...

wkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwk

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

Bismillaahirrohmaanirrokhiim ???????????????????????????????????

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

Bismillahhirrohmaanirrokhim.... *************************

Unknown said...

Kadang disertai
dengan sakit saat kencing, perih, organ intim terasa panas menyiksa,
gatal,..

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

Bismillahhirrohmaanirrokhim.... *********************************

Unknown said...

Sekitar Vagina Tumbuh Daging, Berbahayakah? Kutil Pada Kepala Penis mirip bunga kol atau jengger ayam, Merupakan Penyakit Yang diakibatkan Oleh Virus.Kutil kelamin, atau disebut juga condyloma acuminata, adalah kutil atau daging berwarna kulit atau keabuan yang tumbuh di sekitar alat kelamin dan

Unknown said...

penyakit yang ditularkan melalui hubungan seks : vaginal, oral dan anal. Juga dapat menular melalui persentuhan kulit dengan daerah yang terinfeksi.

Unknown said...

Obat Ambeien Resep Dokter Ambeclear dari De Nature Ampuh Tuntaskan Ambeien Sampai Tuntas

Unknown said...

Sebelum kita membahas tentang pengobatan ambeien, dalam kesempatan ini
saya ingin menjelaskan sekilas tentang ambeien, agar kita semua bisa
memahami benar apa itu penyakit ambeien

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

Bismillahhirrohmaanirrokhim.... ***************************

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

Bismillahhirrohmaanirrokhim.... ************************************

obar herbal manjur alami said...

???????????????????????????????????????

obar herbal manjur alami said...

111111111111111111111111111111

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

111111111111111111111

Unknown said...

manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur manjur

obar herbal manjur alami said...

alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami alami

kLINIK oBAT mANJUR said...

obat ambeien wasir paling manjur mengobati penyakit wasir ambeien tanpa efek samping terbuat dari bahan alami herbal seperti daun ungu mahkota dewa kunyit putih