Monday, October 02, 2006

Trent Lott: Choose Your Joke

Dammit, I hate when a quote is so magnificently dumbass you get joke overflow. Essentially, caught between the straight punch or satiric echoing. The quote via the delightfully improbable Majikthise:

“It’s hard for Americans, all of us, including me, to understand what’s wrong with these people,” he said. “Why do they kill people of other religions because of religion? Why do they hate the Israeli’s and despise their right to exist? Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.“[CNN] [emphasis mine - Ed.]

Your choices:

A.)

“It’s hard for Americans, all of us, including me, to understand what’s wrong with these people,” he said. “Why do they kill people of other religions because of religion? Why do they hate the Israeli’s and despise their right to exist? Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.“[CNN]

This man is a Senator? If this guy said --

“It’s hard for Americans, all of us, including me, to understand what’s wrong with these people,” he said. “Why do they kill people of other religions because of religion? Why do they hate the Northern Irish and despise their right to exist? Why do they hate each other? Why do Catholics kill Protestants? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.“[CNN]

-- which is the exact same statement -- if he spouted that at your Saturday barbecue, you'd immediately classify him as a fucking simpleton. And remember this: Trent Lott has been a Senator a long time. Compared to George Bush, he's the experienced one in foreign policy.

Run for the US Senate and Congress: For when you're not quite smart enough to make a living with your law degree.

B.)

“It’s hard for Americans, all of us, including me, to understand what’s wrong with these people,” he said. “Why do they kill people of other religions because of religion? Why do they hate the Israeli’s and despise their right to exist? Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.“[CNN]

"... however, hating and killing a man because he looks different, like, say, because he's black ... I totally get that."

C.)

Bonus quote, from the same interview:

“No, none of that,” Lott told reporters after the session when asked if the Iraq war was discussed. “You’re [the media] the only ones who obsess on that. We don’t and the real people out in the real world don’t for the most part.“

... in a just world, every parent with a kid in Iraq would get thirty seconds to beat Senator Lott like a pinata.

30 comments:

Dweeze said...

I realize there are time limitations, but just 30?

Anonymous said...

The answer is B.

The role of the comic in our uncertain world is to knit all the idiocy together in one big ball that we can cathartically kick at Trent Lott's head.

Anonymous said...

Dweeze - keep it to 30 sec because there are sooooo many people who want a shot. we can't have the pinata busting open too early before everyone gets at least one swing!

Anonymous said...

30 seconds per parent with a kid in Iraq will leave a bloody spot on the ground where there used to be a US Senator long before everybody's gotten their licks in.

I say every US parent with a kid who died in Iraq gets one swing. With only one swing, you'll get some people making a nice measured attempt at it, and the soulless motherfucker will be good and dead by the time you get to the end of a line of 2000+ people.

Anonymous said...

Supposedly, during a briefing where someone was trying to describe the situation in Iraq and the feuding between Shi'a and Sunni, Bush said (paraphrasing): "Sunni? Shi'a? I thought they were muslim over there!"

Ah, well. As long as they remember their lines and bring in the checks . . .

The Minstrel Boy said...

my personal dream for trent lott involves several german shepherds that haven't eaten for a while and having him clothed in pork chop skivvies. but piñata time sounds nice too. i could wait on the dogs thing.

Anonymous said...

Hey . . . if Trent Lott really WERE a pinata, what would pour out when you busted him open?

Not candy, trinkets, and low-denomination coins, surely . . .

Anonymous said...

How about every Iraqi parent who's lost a kid?

I'm sure there are some "doctors" at Guantanamo who can keep the bastard alive long enough.

Nixoniad said...

Lott feels Thurmond retired far too early. Even though he's dead.

I agree with Lott. If Thurmond's embalmed corpse were still in the Senate, that'd be one less vote for torture. Or, indeed, anything. In fact, an entire Republican Senate presence composed (decomposed?) of embalmed corpses would be a lot less dangerous than the one there is at the moment.

Anonymous said...

30 seconds is fine - see, we're using a lead pipe instead of a broom stick on this pinata.

Anonymous said...

DLet's not leave out the kids with parents in Iraq!

Anonymous said...

Well, maybe...







naw, guy's an idiot. Have at him.

Stan J said...

Words fail me.

Plus the violence angle would feel hollow seeing as he wouldn't understand why it was happening.

Anonymous said...

I was actually kinda sad to see Jon Stewart going easy on Lott on monday. The man does the Genteel Southern Gentlemen schtick well, but when you get right down to it he's a classic American Bastard, and Stewart let him off the hook way too many times.

pickleandcake said...

i also vote B.

trent lott, bless his horrifying politics, says funny shit ALL THE TIME. i would love him, if he weren't such a horrible person.

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